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Suggestions on holidays;what to do

Started by justanoldgrandma, June 12, 2011, 11:43:05 AM

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justanoldgrandma

I agree with the others.  It will feel better once you are there; it's the anticipation as you said that is so hard.  Your gc may not know you but it won't take long; sometimes kids love having an adult be totally "there" for them, being attentive to seeing their toys, etc., even though the child may not yet really know you.  He/she may be shy at first but the more he sees you, the more at ease and eventually will know who gma is.......

All our celebrations are lumped together, too, as all are spent w the IL's; so it's like 4 things squeezed into one weekend while we are let to our own devices on the days themselves; but we're glad to get what we can get and not about to tell them to not invite us..... I don't know your history, so the cut off must be painful, but if dd is doing something, we have to sometimes take what we can get or we may not get the chance again....

Hope the day goes over well!

luise.volta

Good thinkin'. I have been amazed once again at the variety of responses on this thread. Wise Women!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Rose799

I wrote a post but don't know where it went...

I wanted to thank you for the well wishes, justanoldgrandma.  I plan to give it my best effort tomorrow.  I don't know what I've done wrong.  At times, I think there's simply not enough room for gc to love both dm & gm. 

In that other post, I wished I had a magic wand, as I'd make a lot of WWU gals happy!  I still would.  Happy Father's Day...

luise.volta

Repeat after me: "I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't done anything wrong!" Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Rose799

Quote from: luise.volta on June 18, 2011, 11:49:35 AM
Repeat after me: "I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't done anything wrong!" Sending love...

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Thanks Luise

justanoldgrandma

I was going to say that you'll probably never know what your daughter *thinks* you've done wrong; people get offended or all riled up, especially when stressed w parenthood and who knows what else when young and not have the wisdom to be patient like their parents (us!)  (sort of a lol in my case, but trying!)

But like Luise said, "I've done nothing wrong.  I've done nothing wrong."

We wear ourselves out trying to figure our kids out when they don't know themselves, themselves!

Be gentle to yourself and if you are spiritual, before you knock on the door, thank God that even though you have done nothing wrong, dd indeed *does* love you bc otherwise you wouldn't have been invited!  She'll see your cheerful spirit and all will go fine!

I was always jealous, thinking that the other ILs would have all the gc's love, bc they see them on all the "important" days; but not true;  they have short memories when young and don't have a calendar, marking off the days they see each gma or gpa.  But once you get acquainted again w the gc, they will remember you even if you don't see them all that often (I've learned that!)

I am so thrilled whenever the g.c. reach out for me to help get them out of the car or rush to the windows to see us arrive and when the smallest one took my hand to show all his toys and to help put them together, loving that one on one attention.  Made up for all those alone holidays!  And there I was, thinking all that time had passed and they didn't remember me! 

This advice is directed to myself to remember.  We have to live in the present and try to forget past slights and be glad for happy moments as they come.

Sending vibes and prayers that you have a terrific day tomorrow!

Rose799

Quote from: justanoldgrandma on June 18, 2011, 12:37:51 PM
We wear ourselves out trying to figure our kids out when they don't know themselves, themselves!

Dp's used this quote often; I'd forgotten till I read it here.   I'll be following your advice, starting outside dd's front door.  Thanks so much jaog.  You should change your name to onewisegrandma!   I've done nothing wrong, I've done nothing wrong...  :) :) :)

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

Sending big thoughts that today is going wonderful Rose!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Rose799

Thanks to all of you, things went very well yesterday.  I enjoyed gc greatly, & came away feeling really good about them as a family.  It gave me comfort to see them genuinely happy, comfortable & loving toward one another – everything I'd hoped for dd.   

JAOG, you were so right; ogs remembers us, & ygs didn't miss a beat.  He jumped right in...  I got the works - hair pulling, head butting, foot races, & singing, & we came home toting a hand drawing for the fridge.  : ) 

Dd played some videos; one was of my being told she was pg with ygs.  I cried then & again yesterday.  When I looked up, dd was teary also.  Neither of us said anything, but I feel certain we connected at that moment.   I'm hoping you were right, Pen, that yesterday may serve as a new beginning.  I believe, without a doubt, that stepping back has been a big help.  When we're always present for dc, not necessarily in person, just being available if they should need or want us...they aren't given the opportunity to miss us.  They don't have to give us any thought at all, as long as their needs are met.  In many ways, I've been my own worst enemy...  From here on, I'm going to stop trying so hard & let life take it's course. 

Luise, I read your post about sc & thanked God for giving me the ability to understand the important things in life.   Heartbreak is horrendous, but for me, living with regret is far worse.  One day, they will understand.  I wouldn't want to be wearing their shoes when it happens.   Val is one lucky guy to have caught you...

Thank you all, you've been a godsend for me!



luise.volta

Do you know, Rose, what a godsend you are on WWU? Just let it in.  :D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Rose799