OMG

[themuffin]

OMG, I can't stop shaking.  I am a mess.  Just hung up from DS five minutes ago.  He called me.  He called me using the phone number I was never supposed to have.  I immediately knew it was something bad.  OMG, it truly, was.  He called because he just "saw the worst thing he ever saw".  FDIL's father committed suicide this morning.  He put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.  I became ill.  I can't stop shaking.  My heart hurts for FDIL.  She loved him, but they were at odds because he had deserted the family a couple of years ago and he was spending less and less time with them.  I don't know if she's at peace with her last words to him.  She was just so hurt and angry.

DS said that he wants to stop by tonight and to please call him when we get home.  He says he wants to fix his family. That he doesn't want to be like FDIL and her family. 

I'm sorry if this is too heavy for this forum but I needed to get this out. 

[holliberri]

I'm sorry for the whole thing, Muffin. That is heartbreaking. 

[SassyDI]

OMG that is so sad.  Your son saw him do it?  OMG isn't even big enough.  I cannot imagine being there when someone did that.  Glad you are there for him he is going to need it after seeing that.  Its not to much for this board at least I don't think you need to be able to talk about it and let it out.  I feel so sad for your FDIL to this isn't going to be an easy time at all for anyone. 

[seasons]

Muffin, this will be a hard day for you.  My hope is that this may be the start of something better for your family relationships.  But know that as you go through it, no matter what happens, we are here for you.   We are your backup.  We all are thinking about you, and praying for you.

[AnonymousDIL]

I'm so sorry to hear about DS's FFIL. That is awful! I do hope that your relationship with DS will be better through all of this and that something "good" can come from all this horror. ((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

[holliberri]

And Muffin, FWIW, I appreciate you sharing it. If nothing else it helps to put our "problems" into perspective. I'll be thinking of all of you.

[themuffin]

Thank you so much guys.  I'm at work and I can't stop crying.  I don't know what I would do without you all today.  I just can't believe this.  It seems like a dream/nightmare. 

Sassy, he didn't actually see him do it, thank God.  I called him again to check on him and to learn more of what happened. He said he saw him in the hospital.

Thank you, Seasons, ADIL and Holly. Thank you for your words and for letting me know you are there for me.  I really needed to hear that.

[SassyDI]

Thank you so much guys.  I'm at work and I can't stop crying.  I don't know what I would do without you all today.  I just can't believe this.  It seems like a dream/nightmare. 

Sassy, he didn't actually see him do it, thank God.  I called him again to check on him and to learn more of what happened. He said he saw him in the hospital.

Thank you, Seasons, ADIL and Holly. Thank you for your words and for letting me know you are there for me.  I really needed to hear that.

Still seeing a human being after that is still going to be haunting for your DS but really for your FDIL.  Thats her father I can't even form sentences right now.  And keep us updated or if you need anything let us know we are here for you. 

[themuffin]

Thank you Sassy.  DS said that FDIL and older family members are on their way to visit his other children to break the news.  FDIL's father had two young children, one of which is an adorable seven year old boy who has "daddy worship"  He simply adores his daddy and this is really breaking my heart.  DS is sitting with him while the family goes to the city to notify the others.  The little one who we all call "The Boy" doesn't know.  They don't know how to tell him yet.

FDIL and a few of the other siblings are racked with guilt according to DS.  They weren't speaking to him and when they did they gave him a real tongue lashing.  FDIL and younger sis believe they are the reason he did it.  Dear God, that is a terrible guilt to carry. I am praying for her and her family.

Thanks again all.  This is such a sad day.

[pam1]

(((TM)))  I'm sorry for your FDIL/DS loss.

Please remember to take of yourself at this time too.

[themuffin]

Thank you Pam.  I just sent FDIL a text telling her that I was sorry from the depths of my soul.  I told her I was sorry for "everything".  I don't expect to get anything back, but I am hoping that I don't get something hurtful in response.  I just couldn't let her think I didn't care.  I did care for her.  She wouldn't have been allowed to live in my home if I didn't. 

Oh, how I wish none of this had ever happened.

[Pooh]

I'm so sorry muffin.  What a horrible thing to go through for all of you.  There will be some rough days ahead for your DS and FDIL, and all her family.  I sincerely hope they find some professional help to get them through this as they are going to need it.  The guilt they feel must be overwhelming right now, but they need help to realize that he made a choice.  You can not control the will of others.  I deal with this often and it is one of the worst things a family can go through and guilt is always a big player. 

I am glad that DS called you and wants to fix things.  I'm sorry it took something like this for him to see it, but some things can open your eyes to the larger things in life.  Be there for him, her and support them the best way you can, with love.

My thoughts and prayers for all of you muffin and for his young sons.

[lancaster lady]

That man must have been in a very dark place to have done this , and sometimes you just cannot reach them .
you are there for them , and that will be a comfort .
so sad for the family left behind , thinking of them all ....LL

[AnonymousDIL]

Muffin,

You should have your DS get FDIL into counselling. She needs someone to repeatedly tell her that it is NOT her fault that this man made a decision to take his own life. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must be for her. And that little boy! 7! OMG! My heart is breaking for all involved. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Muffin's FDIL and Family))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

How terribly tragic. 

[themuffin]

Thanks Pooh.  I plan to be there for DS and FDIL if she'll let me.  I haven't heard any reply to my text, but that's to be expected. 
You know I never imagined that DS and I would reunite like this.  I always thought he would just realize that life was just really tough without family love and support and that his finances would make him swallow his pride.  Never in a million years did I expect that he would experience something like this.  I never wanted him or her to have to go through something as tragic as this in order to realize that he loved his family.

I'm anxious about our meeting tonight.  I don't have a clue what to expect.  I don't know if this means he wants to come home.  I don't know if I'm ready for that.  I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that.  This is so, so terrible.

Thank you LL.  I don't know what goes through one's mind to make them make such a choice.  I don't know how he could not have thought about what he was doing to his family, those kids.  I want to be there for FDIL but doubt she'll let me.  I'm sure she'd doubt my sincerity.

ADIL, DS and FDIL both needed counseling even before this.  I don't know what this is going to do to FDIL.  She was already emotionally wounded.  I hope this isn't a breaking point for her.  I'm sure DS will try to do what's best for her, but it's completely out of my hands. They are both adults.