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After Thanksgiving

Started by 2chickiebaby, November 22, 2009, 04:47:58 am

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Pen

Well, our two certainly are from a different world. Not that there's anything wrong with it :)

Right now I feel I'll be able to handle whatever comes up as long as DS continues to stand up for himself and his family. He's already fighting for input on kids they don't even have yet!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

Quote from: 2chickiebaby on November 27, 2009, 11:50:07 am
If this hadn't happened to us, I'd think it was hilarious and should be made into a movie....

"Sybil....the untold story of how the multiple personalities come out at holidays"

not that there is anything wrong with mulitiple personalities :P



SunnyDays09

Went well - of course. 
   Just me, dd and husband (do the fur kids count?  lol)

   No looks, no remarks, no passive aggressive crap.  No whiney.  No upsets.  Just lots and lots of really good food.

   

2chickiebaby

Happy!  Where have you been??  You left us alone to fight the battles! Get yourself back here.  Yes, the fur ones count.  They are nicer than people. 

mom2

Happy,

The furry ones are the best ( I have two furry daughters )... they have loved me unconditionally through all this craziness.

Happy to see you had a nice Thanksgiving.

AnnieB

Well, the skype phone call was uncomfortable, but such is life.  Talked with my son, watched my grandson who has grown a lot in the last 6 months.  DIL was visible.    They seem fine, so maybe all of this did something wherein he talked to her about how she talks about him in front of others.  She didn't speak to me and evidently still has not forgiven me. Whatever. Get over it.

I enjoyed seeing my son and gs.  But I realized how much this all has changed any relationship and how depressed I've been.  Need to work on that.   

2chickiebaby

AnnieB....it is extremely hard not to take this all personally.  It has driven me to the point of, .....I don't want to even express it!

When someone blatantly doesn't like you as a Mother and it involves your son's wife, it is just too close to home.  You can't help but take it personally. The wife's hatred and ignoring me has worked so well for her...it has just about destroyed me. 

Yesterday I wrote that I couldn't believe that I have allowed this screwed up woman to do this to me!! I still can't but it hurts still.  Others like me, why can't she?  This ignoring and sullenness is reserved just for his Mother. 

There is something wrong with son...he's so different; he's just like her.  I can't get over it and never will.  If he had to become anybody else, why her?  Why her?  The last person you'd want to become is her. 

Good wishes on this journey to you, AnnieB....I hope there is some peace coming soon.  :)

mom2

There is something wrong with son...he's so different; he's just like her

Isn't that so strange.. my son acts just like my dil too. He talks like her, uses her phrases, has her attitude, thinks he is better than others ( like she does ). My goodness.. I have even thought that he (ds ) is not as good looking as he used to be.. maybe he even looks like her, yes that's it !  He does ! I have often wondered why he didn't take her last name; he should.

2chickiebaby

I feel the same way, Mom....he should have taken HER last name.  I can't believe this!  It's so weird. 

How can a person live their life without any sense of humor?  Just marching, marching, "get it done".  Son was so funny!  What happened?  Just creepy.


mom2

Sorry CB.. that somehow got posted before I finished it. What I started to say was that I know what you mean when you say your son has changed so much. Mine has too. I am not kidding, he was such a joy to be around always laughing and making someone else laugh. He was not a push over either and stood up for himself. Not now.. I don't even know what he is. When we laugh or tell a  joke ( things we used to do all the time ) he will even look at us like we are nuts or something.
Strange isn't it ?


2chickiebaby

Very strange and heartbreaking.  Our son will not laugh like he did but if he slips, he does look at his wife to see if he can.  She wants no funny business.  It's dreadful; just sickening. 

I'm in such a pickle (Southern for "what should I do?) She wants her Christmas money and has picked out what she wants me to get the kids.  I don't want to deprive the kids their Christmas money, which I give her to get what they want. I do this because I am at the point where I don't know what they want.

I hate giving her a reward for being rude and totally disrespectful.  Could someone help me understand how to  get them (son and her) something too?  I don't want to do that.  How can I get out of it? 

I know I shouldn't be like that but this is like if I was a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp and when I got out, after being operated on by Dr. Mengele, I got them a gift!

Duh....I don't think so!  I just can't do this tit for tat, though. I need to act like an adult here and do the right thing.  They don't, ever, though.  Makes it hard.

Should I give them a gift at Christmas?  I guess I could give them a lock of my hair....that should go over well.  :P    Yes, in a nice locket to wear around her neck.

mom2

Gosh Chickie, I don't know if you should get them a gift but they sure do not deserve one   I have often thought that if my ds got what he deserved ( after how I have been treated ) I would never speak to him or her again.. but I know God has cared for me when I am not deserving.  it's just not real logical when it's our children. Do they buy for you ? mine do but they go very cheap ( shows my worth huh ?).

You could  buy for the children but let them know that you have decided to not buy for the adults this year. I have done that in the past and let the adult children know that I felt a nice dinner together is enough ( but I don't even want to do that in light of everything ).  You are right, bad behavior should not be rewarded. 

2chickiebaby

No, they don't get us gifts....you have a point about saying I decided not to get gifts for the adults.

I'll give close DIL and son something.........they let me in their lives.  That's all I want. 

Pen

Most of the moms I've compared notes with over the years have never been showered with Christmas gifts (one year when we went to my dad and stepmom's I got nothing, not one thing from anyone.) I started filling my own stocking so DH and kiddoes wouldn't be sad/embarrassed to have forgotten me, and I've been known to give myself an under-the-tree gift from Santa, too, since it freaked out the family when I had nothing to open :P  After a couple of years of that they got the point and started remembering me! DH spoils me now, but DS and DIL just phone it in (re-gift, or things that don't relate to me at all.) Before DS married he was a very thoughtful shopper, but he lets DIL do it now. I know they expect higher-end gifts from us, though!

As for your dilemma, Chickie, maybe you should give the grandkids an outing with you and your DH? Pack up a box with little items relating to the destination and then include a "coupon." (Hang onto any tickets or spending money until you're actually there.) How could DS/DIL say no to that without hearing about it from the kids? If DIL doesn't let them go with you, at least the kids will know you tried.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

AnnieB

hmmm...

well, I do my own stocking too because I do the stockings and nobody ever seems to remember I need one -- my excuse to get myself some things  ;D

My son and 1st DiL never get anyone here anything for xmas (they live abroad and she's a Muslim) though I always have given them money and sent gifts.  This year I will only be sending my gs gifts (books via amazon) because a) it costs a fortune to mail things b) it takes forever to mail from here and c) I never receive any acknowledgment of receipt of gifts until I ask.   

They do have a tree up and exchange gifts -- I think they are just in some ways thinking of themselves as children who receive rather than adults who give.

My second son and DIL were away last year for the first married xmas -- that was a bummer as the gifts to the gs from that marriage were opened when we weren't there and my youngest son had put a lot of his money and time into selecting a gift for his new nephew.   They would never forget to include us in the gift giving or thanks.

Hmmmm...  you know I have always kind of brushed off my oldest son's and wife's behavior, made excuses or forgiven it.   Forgiving is fine -- but I don't think I've given enough appreciation to my 2nd son and now his DIL for being there for me, not just for Xmas.