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Coursework

Started by holliberri, April 24, 2011, 10:06:20 AM

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LaurieS

so what did you do to him?

pam1

Wow, that is weird Holly.  Is he normal otherwise? 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

holliberri

He had done it for several days in a row (I think he might be stalking the girl next to me). He just talks to her a lot and he doesn't talk to anyone. He is in his 50s, and he has a lot of health problems; he is on a lot of medicine since a stroke 2 years ago. I hear he was okay then.

I said, "Good morning, Get up."

He got up. I said, "What are you doing here in the morning?"

"Oh I wait for so-and-so to come in"

I said, "I'm not comfortable with you being in my desk in the morning because I do keep personal items here and I would like to come into an empty chair in the morning. Plus, you have your own the exact same distance from the clock. Please don't do it again."

He said sorry. I probably would have let it continue for a litte longer had I not been concerned about the girl next to me; but I've never seen someone sit in someone else's desk like that before!

It's been two days since then and now he is sitting in her other neighbor's chair, even further from the time clock. Her husband works there too, but that doesn't seem to be a deterrent. My guess is the next boundary setting will take place in management's office.

pam1

Creeeeepy!  Have you asked the girl if she's ok?  Sometimes that stuff spirals out of control and the stalking victim feels like they can't talk about it or go to management. 

What a nut
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

holliberri

I pointed it out to her. She said she felt bad b/c she is the only one he talks to. Seriously, he doesn't talk unless you force him to, yet he always comes over to her cubicle to chat.

She's a really nice, really young girl, and very pretty. She is uncomfortable...I think her husband is walking her to her cubicle now. The guy told her he needed her address. She said, "Why do you need my address?" He said, "In case I need to let your dogs out."
????????

I told her I would go to management if she didn't. I guess he is diabetic, and she was afraid he NEEDED to sit whereever he had a chance due to low insulin at times. I certainly hope that isn't the case.

pam1

My neck hair is standing up. 

I would just go report him on my own, Holly.  I know I'm probably not telling you anything new, but this would seriously give me the willies and I take these cases quite a bit.  This is how they start out.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

holliberri

I wanted to update you on this, Pam. I was the second employee to file a complaint for crazy guy's behavior. It was addressed publicly and he was told the only chair he could sit in was his own, and he was not to wait by the clock until it was time to leave.

The girl next to me that was having problems mentioned that she knew another coworker had complained and she really wished that person minded her own business and that she could handle her own problems.

I told her that I also reported it. She got quiet. I said, "Look, coworker and I saw weird behavior that was making us uncomfortable and you uncomfortable as well. I know you feel bad for him, but it wasn't you that put a stop to it. It was us. In that respect, the end result had nothing to do with you, but you get to enjoy the safety and security of your own space and you never had to say a word. Besides, doesn't the fact that the rest of us took notice of his inappropriate behavior give you satisfaction that it wasn't just all in your head?"

She walked away...then came back. She said told me I was right and that she hadn't looked at it like that. She was afraid to say something herself, so that means that the other complaints filed means she won't really have to at least for now. She also said that she didn't want to make more of his behavior than it was.

That was two weeks ago, and he has stopped all of that behavior for now. My coworker is still feels guilty...and I admit, I'm kind of dimissive about that. I generally roll my eyes and say, "Do you miss him coming over here?" Not nice, I know, but she admits now that his behavior was scary and that she is glad he stays away from her desk, she's just sad for him because he has no friends.

I think it very interesting that she is 6 hours older than me. I've never met someone born on the same day and year as me. Not really a big deal, but I could just so see everything she said coming out of my mouth if I were in her place. LOL.

pam1

Thanks for updating me, Holly!  I was wondering.

I think it was big of you to step in, so many people just look away and say not my problem.  It's difficult b/c these creeps pick out people who feel bad for them.  They rely on that and escalate the situation so that it is difficult to tell what is what.  If he had progressed and she finally went to seek help, no doubt there would have been claiming well she didn't mind before!  I saw them together all the time!

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Pooh

I'm with Pam.  I think that's it great that you stepped up too Holly.  You did her a huge favor and probably saved her some major grief.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Tara

Glad you spoke up Holly. 

Sometimes these things escallate as Pam mentioned.
I worried that he sounded psychotic or delusional  when he said he wanted her
address to let her dog out....Also, loners, not a good sign.  I used to do sexual
harassment and violence in the workplace training and interventions when I
was at UCSF.  You did the right thing.


Donna

You deserve a big congrats - wow - you have done a lot.

What you read is important basics, and boundaries are very important.  Something we as mothers don't do with our DC early enough as we want to "fix" everything.

Yes, we have to train people to what we will and will not tolerate, something I learned late in life, but I finally learned it.

I am glad you wrote this, as it is valuable people understand boundaries are not inherent as they once were, they do have to be imposed.

Thank you for your great insight into your great coursework and for sharing.