What do you think of grandma baby showers?

[SassyDI]

FIL and wife got married is secert to hide the wedding from his children.  DH wasn't the happiest they got married but he said it was kind of hurtful that his father lyed by ommission to him.  After all FIL and wife were living under with us still(they moved out a couple weeks after their wedding and about three months after we got married).  And only told his sons because he caught by a friend keeping the secert.  They told him flat out tell them before they find out first hand.  DH's mom had only passed about two years before that.  He started dating his wife and another woman only a few months after her passing.

Opps didn't finish my point:  What I am trying to say is you don't get to have a party and expect gifts after you do something like that.  Futher DH was the only son who showed up to the 2nd wedding.  My BIL didn't take time off and the two from out of state choose not to come.

[overwhelmed123]

I'm just dying to know if they will include a registry...because that was the main issue.  ADIL, it doesn't sound like anyone is disputing you.  If you didn't include a registry (on your invitations) then nothing I've said about it compares to your situation.

[holliberri]

LOL, I would have had a registry had I not been going overseas with all the stuff I would have acquired. This courthouse wedding then wedding ceremony and reception later has been a common link to the weddings I've bene to overseas, and no on there thought the gift registry for the second wedding was rude. Plus, more  kids are footing the bill for their own wedding these days. That extra income before the actual date meant I could pay for the food out of my own pocket whereas otherwise I would have borrowed it. That meant for a slightly better party than I had planned on.

Besides, I didn't know until later I'd be getting marred before the ceremony. If people thought I was just schilling for gifts during my redo, I would have gladly explained. I think it would have been misunderstood.

Turns out, most people knew we were married and gave us a ton of money anyhow. They also gave me grief and told me it was inappropriate that I did not have a registry b/c 1.) they knew I needed everything and 2.) they didn't want to be locked into money.

[SassyDI]

I'm just dying to know if they will include a registry...because that was the main issue.  ADIL, it doesn't sound like anyone is disputing you.  If you didn't include a registry (on your invitations) then nothing I've said about it compares to your situation.

I always though it was tacky to have regerstery on you wedding invitation isn't that what the shower is for?

[holliberri]

I think this is a thing where there is just no pleasing everyone. Some people are offended by the lack fo a registry, while others are offended by the presence of one in these circumstances. There's probably not a one-set rule...just a person's opinion about it.

[SassyDI]

I think this is a thing where there is just no pleasing everyone. Some people are offended by the lack fo a registry, while others are offended by the presence of one in these circumstances. There's probably not a one-set rule...just a person's opinion about it.

Right the look on my DH's face when they got gifts was priceless though.  He whispered to me "were we suppose to get them something."  I told him flat out "Sure if we had been invited to the first wedding."  He just laughed

[holliberri]

I wouldn't have registered with the expectation anyone get me a gift anyhow...a registry just seems to go hand-in-hand with a wedding...which I think is why so many people were upset that I didn't have one. I thought the regsitries were there to pick from if you chose, and if not, you could do something else or nothing at all.

[SassyDI]

I wouldn't have registered with the expectation anyone get me a gift anyhow...a registry just seems to go hand-in-hand with a wedding...which I think is why so many people were upset that I didn't have one. I thought the regsitries were there to pick from if you chose, and if not, you could do something else or nothing at all.

I had a regestery for wedding and baby shower.  But that was for the shower.  No gifts were mention on wedding invitations for the actual day.  If people got gifts it was something they picked out like I got waterford crystal wine glasses that I never asked for.  They are pretty and I have never used them out of fear of breaking them hence why I didn't register for that stuff.

[overwhelmed123]

I just try to err on the side of caution, which to me means at least having Miss Manners or Emily Post backing you up. . To me, I would prefer my guests think I was rude for not giving them a registry than think I was rude for basically forcing them to buy me something.  Just me though.

[AnonymousDIL]

Our registry information was on our wedding website or spread by word of mouth.

[overwhelmed123]

And Holly, I hope I didn't offend you because I think being overseas kind of exempts you.  I'm talking about people 3 hours away that live near all their friends and family.  And they still haven't told us they're married.

[Pen]

IMO, we tend to pick and choose when it comes to etiquette; we bring out the Miss Manners or Emily Post when doing so validates our agenda but ignore points of etiquette if those points don't validate our desires, LOL.

[holliberri]

I just think sometimes rude behavior often is a result of exemptive (did I make up a word?) circumstances. My brother's ILs showed up to my wedding with 5 more people they had RSVP'd with and didn't bring a gift. As it turns out, my dad thought this was rude.

Scratching beneath the surface, they didn't want to be rude for not showing up, but had guests drop in on them for a few days without notice (also rude).

As for the gift, oh well. It wasn't a requirement.

[overwhelmed123]

Well Pen, all I can tell you is that I don't really have an "agenda," so I don't really know what you're referring to...the only thing you could call an agenda would be me scouring etiquette resources to make sure *I* didn't offend anyone or make anyone uncomfortable.  I wasn't really looking for validation for anything, so...

[overwhelmed123]

As a matter of fact, I would have preferred to do a couple things differently- but it was an etiquette no-no, so I didn't.  Not quite an agenda here.