Activities for FIL

[LaurieS]

I'd still take the backgammon board..one can only fish so much

[pam1]

Adil, do you or FIL know how to filet a fish?  lol, you might want to watch some youtubes on how to do it before you go lol

[seasons]

Okay, Memorail Day is this weekend. We are going camping. DH/Me/FIL/DM/DM'sBF/maybe his daughter/maybe youngest BIL. When we scheduled this, DH was going to be there the whole time, but now he is taking weekend truck driving courses and will only be there a few hours (8pm-10pm?) on Sat. and Sun. My Uncle is having a picnic on Sunday and DM/BF will be going to that for part of the day. I was originally going to go to the picnic, but to do that now, FIL will potentially be stuck by himself. (BIL1 had to cancel for work, and YBIL probably won't be allowed to come). Soooo, I'm not planning on going to the picnic now. But, I am at a loss of what to do with FIL.

We get along great, but I have never spent this amount of time with just him. Any ideas? There are some hiking trails near where we will be, and we can take the boat out. I'm just starting to stress because it was just thrown on me last night that no one else will be there. (DB/SIL were supposed to come until, well, you know lol).

Oh what I would give for such an opportunity.  To sit and talk with FIL.  To get to know him better.  I know I would tuck in some pictures of DH - just to get him started on the old stories.  Look at this as a wonderful opportunity that has landed in your lap via serendipity.  Don't fear it.  Grab it and run right into the middle!

My FIL is gone.  But if someone had given me a wish when he were alive, it would have been to sit and talk, laugh and hear good stories. 

I think if you can approach this with a "what a great opportunity!" attitude, all will go smoothly and you will have a great time.

[AnonymousDIL]

Pam, I don't really know. It's silly, but I just assumed that FIL knows how lol. He is very "woodsy" and fronteirsman-y lol. He was a fireman in Yosemite when he met MIL. It's probably silly, but I somehow picture him (when he was DH's age) like the Brawny Paper Towel Guy! lol Capable of doing anything. He was also a mechanic for a while. Ended up smashing his hand and switched to truck driving. Had an accident and can't sit for the long hauls so he went into water purification systems. He installs them and such. When they built the house they live in now, they had a contractor put up the outer walls, but he did all the interior work-- plumbing, electrical, flooring, hvac, etc. He really is like superman lol And he trained DH soooo well, I am so lucky to have a husband who can do all those things.

[AnonymousDIL]

Thanks, Seasons.

I am looking forward to it, but also a little nervous. I'm really not a big talker, but maybe he will appreciate that with the fishing LOL

I do plan on asking about when he first took DH fishing. I haven't heard many of his childhood stories that involved his dad.

DH just confirmed that FIL knows how to clean and filet a fish. I'm supposed to pick up some cornmeal just in case lol

And some bored (I mean, BOARD lol) games will be going along just in case lol

[holliberri]

Given everything your FIL is going through at the moment, this is probably a very good thing for him. My dad always says an Eagles concert with me during the divorce saved his life. Getting out and about and having fun is important when in a rough patch.

[AnonymousDIL]

You're right, Holly.

The divorce is the reason it's only him and I left lol. Youngest BIL isn't "allowed" to come because MIL thinks she would be bad-mouthed all weekend. *eyeroll* She is NEVER bad-mouthed in front of YBIL (he is her toadie!). And I have nothing bad to say about her. She is being really good right now.

Although she is trying to force me to take some zuccini plants and a lilac bush! lol We've told her we don't have space for the lilac bush in our yard and that we aren't going to have the chance to set up our garden this year (Well, I might try to plant some topsy turvey tomatoes this weekend, but that will be it.) Her pushiness really irritated me with the wedding, but this isn't bad. I think she will learn soon though that my house is where plants go to die lol

[AnonymousDIL]

Oh, and the papers have been served (last Tuesday, I think). She called Wednesday night. I thought for sure she was going to complain about the divorce, but all she did was push zuccini on us.

[AnonymousDIL]

Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! I don't know what to do. I got an email from FIL. YBIL is being permitted to come by MIL, but he doesn't want to be the only kid there (he is 16, NOT a "kid"). My 14 yr. old "step-sister" will be there, but YBIL wants to bring a friend. A friend that I happen to know that I HATE. Big Issues. This particular friend pulled a gun on my DH (turned out to be a toy painted black, but looked real from where I was sitting).

FIL really wants YBIL to come. He says that Friend will be taken home if there are any issues whatsoever. But it also sounds like MIL might have to bring friend up because FIL is using his work van and only has room for 1 passenger. Things are "ok" right now with MIL, but I do NOT want her coming to MY camping weekend that I planned. Soooo, yeah, I'm being a mean DIL and excluding her, but she doesn't CAMP!

I don't know what to do. Plus, this will raise my stress level, which will raise my DM's stress level. So no one will have a good time.

I'm so torn. I was always taught to do the "nice" thing which is "Sure, no problem bringing friend!" But it is so conflicted with what I want. I do not want Friend there. Plus, they will be sharing our tent. I don't really want to share my tent with a 18 yr. old VIOLENT boy (he ain't no man!) that I am not related to.

Advice on how to handle this politely. 

[Scoop]

ADIL - I don't think there's room in your tent for one more, especially not a gangly, smelly 18 y/o boy.

Also, if FIL only has room for one more in his truck (YBIL), how is friend going to get there?

I would put a bug in DH's ear about how it could be a bonding time for the "men" of the family, how nice it would be for YBIL and FIL to spend the day together (fishing!).  I would even offer to bow out so that it can be just them.  Or else state that you're happy to go as a support person for the Lastname Men.  But really emphasize the Men of the FAMILY aspect.

You can also tell DH that you're not comfortable being left alone all day with this boy and put it in DH's lap to solve.  Either he spends the day and misses out on his 'thing' - I can't remember what it was.  Or he makes sure the friend doesn't come.  Men like to solve problems, put it to him that way.

Good luck.

[SassyDI]

ADIL - I don't think there's room in your tent for one more, especially not a gangly, smelly 18 y/o boy.

Also, if FIL only has room for one more in his truck (YBIL), how is friend going to get there?

I would put a bug in DH's ear about how it could be a bonding time for the "men" of the family, how nice it would be for YBIL and FIL to spend the day together (fishing!).  I would even offer to bow out so that it can be just them.  Or else state that you're happy to go as a support person for the Lastname Men.  But really emphasize the Men of the FAMILY aspect.

You can also tell DH that you're not comfortable being left alone all day with this boy and put it in DH's lap to solve.  Either he spends the day and misses out on his 'thing' - I can't remember what it was.  Or he makes sure the friend doesn't come.  Men like to solve problems, put it to him that way.

Good luck.

I agree with scoop Dh needs to handle and Dh needs to miss his thing if he cannot.  Personally I think him backing out on your was kind of in poor taste.  After all you had this all planned and he should be enjoying his family time with his and your family.

[AnonymousDIL]

MIL was going to bring Friend up.... If my (or anyone's) phone rings with a phone call from her this weekend I just might lose it.  She has a habit of calling/texting when she detects happiness LOL

Unfortunately, DH can't not go to his thing.  We scheduled this trip back in March. Since then there was a threat that he would lose his job, so he enrolled in a 5 month truck driving course to get his Class A license. The classes are all day Saturday and Sunday and he can't miss them. 

Sooo, DH is going to be there Friday night, staying at our house Saturday night (although he will probably come out for food lol), and will be back on Sunday night.

[AnonymousDIL]

I agree with scoop Dh needs to handle and Dh needs to miss his thing if he cannot.  Personally I think him backing out on your was kind of in poor taste.  After all you had this all planned and he should be enjoying his family time with his and your family.

I'm not in a particularly "happy" mood at the moment. This is the only warning I will give you to not bad-mouth my DH. He is my DH and not a DuH. He cannot help this. It is what needed to be done for our family. He didn't "bail" on me. He is doing the best he can here.

[Scoop]

ADIL - I'm sorry I forgot how important DH's plans were, I knew they were Something Big, but I couldn't remember.

So then, he can't miss that and that's okay, it's important for him to be there.  So he should tell YBIL that friend is not invited.  So sorry, maybe next time.  Or else, he can talk to FIL and get FIL to  ask YBIL for a male bonding weekend, mostly just the 2 of them.

Make a big fuss that it's WAY TOO MUCH TROUBLE for MIL to drive all the way to drop Friend off.  That's ridiculous, we'll just plan another weekend camping trip with him, because there's no room anyway.  Right?

Because a 4 man tent does not necessarily fit 4 men!

I don't blame you for not wanting to sleep in a tent with an unrelated male.  It's not necessarily "wrong" but there's something 'hinky' about it that rubs me the wrong me (for me personally).  SO I can see where you can use that angle too.  Can you beg, borrow or steal another tent?  Put FIL & the boys in the big tent and you and DH in the smaller one?  For some reason, that wouldn't bother me as much (but that's me).

[Pooh]

Stand your ground ADIL.  Let DH know that you are not comfortable staying in a tent with these "boys".  Let YBIL know that there is just not room for his friend and that if he wants to come, he will have to come by himself.  I know FIL wants him there, but explain to FIL that you are not comfortable staying in a tent with teenage boys and that you were really looking forward to fishing with him.  Tell him you are great with YBIL going too, just not the friend.

I'm sorry, but MIL should not even consider coming by, even to just drop someone off knowing FIL will be there, given the current situation.  There is nothing wrong with you having a camping weekend without her.  Talk to DH and explain everything, then let him handle MIL.