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Interesting site re:narcissists

Started by Pen, November 21, 2009, 12:26:54 am

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Pen

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

Reading that made me really sad. There are so many external things in life that are difficult. I'm again reminded of the internal havoc we can bring on ourselves and/or are at the effect of because that's what others have going on.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

2chickiebaby

This is exceedingly interesting in light of the part where it says, when dealiing with a Narcissists to "make your plans for the Holidays first and let that stand."  But since we're dealing with our kids and the effect losing them has on our lives, it is difficult to do!.

http://www.ehow.com/how_2113015_deal-narcissist-life.html?ref=fuel&utm_source=yahoo&utm_medium=ssp&utm_campaign=yssp_art 

Pen

Luise, I'm sorry the article made you sad. That wasn't my intent in posting the link. I'm a research freak and feel that information is helpful, but maybe not so much in some instances. I know it does help me realize that it's not all my fault, 'cos I tend to take the blame for everything.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

just2baccepted

Wowser again!  I don't know how you found that article but good job!  I think for some of the MIL's on this board that very well may be what some of you are dealing with.  So sad.

But coming from a DIL point of view I have to say that these same women who do this then have children and then become possessive of their children when they're young and when they're adults.  This possessiveness probably doesn't end as these women get older.  That thing about them not wanting to "share" her DH with his mom will translate into this same woman not wanting to "share" their adult children with any outsiders as well.  Just like my MIL.  I always thought it odd that I never met or even heard a word uttered about my FIL's mom because I'm sure she had been banished by my MIL.  That's her goal to banish everyone not important to her.  And then it probably would also explain why after my FIL's son from another marriage started visiting my FIL and MIL after the son retired from the Air Force and now all of a sudden the son  won't return phone calls and won't visit.  My question is, what happened?  FIL's also has two daughters from that other marriage as well and you guessed it, I've never met them or even heard a word spoken about them. Its like they don't even exist. 

When you banish everyone out of jealousy I would think that would lead to a lonely existence?

Pen

Chickie, thanks for the helpful article. The author sums it up nicely.

just2b, I agree it must be lonely to be so jealous, but there must be some sort of payoff or they wouldn't do it. I keep trying to figure out what my payoff is when I obsess about my DIL - do I feel closer to my DS in some weird way? Or maybe I'm afraid that letting go of my obsession is the same as turning my back on DS? As time passes I do feel healthier and less obsessive, so I hope to get a grip soon. You all help tremendously! I'm so grateful.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

J2b, I was thinking about all the banishment and couldn't help but relate to it.  I banish people who hurt me.  It's been the only self-defense I've ever had.  I've always been at someone else's mercy. 

I can't banish the kids, though.  Can't seem to do it, though it's really been a struggle.  I seem to attract every nut on the tree.

Could it be that your MIL has been terribly wounded in her life?  Is this the only defense she has?  I'm sure I'm wrong because I don't know her.  It might be out of jealousy but it could be out of some perceived hurt?  Just trying to make sense of it.

Princess Diana did that; she banished people who hurt her.  Sarah (Fergie) was her very good friend and she said something about Diana that hurt her. She actually said that she had borrowed Diana's shoes one time and got warts.  Diana shut her out and never spoke to her again.  She was a wounded woman too and that was her only defense. 

It's crazy how complex we are as people. I might perceive something as a direct slap in my face and someone might never know it.  If I had a deep love for them, I'd probably banish them in self-defense. 

I hope this makes sense and I don't know if your MIL has this problem.  Just wanted to throw it out as a possibility.

just2baccepted

Anthing is possible for sure.  I think she has always come off as very insecure but I had no idea about that mean streak in her because she hide it so well.  But yes my mom and I have even discussed that possibly something happened in her childhood to make her like this and if that's the case I'm so sorry for her but I still can't allow her to try to tear me down like that to DH.

2chickiebaby

No, nothing gives her an excuse to do that to you.  The mean streak is too much for anyone to have to put up with....I hate 'mean' so much, everyone does-- and it makes it incredibly hard to look past anything in someone's personality when there is a mean streak in it!!