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FMIL And The Wedding

Started by LaurieS, May 17, 2011, 06:51:19 AM

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LaurieS

fmil said that she would like to see save the dates sent out..... I just want for both kids to realize that we see this as 'their' day.. my ds was a little frustrated with the months leading up to his wedding... actually I wasn't.. I was like ok you want to me what.. sure tell me when and where

lancaster lady

Laurie :

I really envy your excitement and involvement for you Dd wedding .
How kind of you and your DD to involve the motg in everything .
Makes me sad , that I am missing soo much of my Ds's wedding arrangements .

I'm grateful that I too have a DD yet to be married ....she's waiting for the perfect man ... so I won't hold
my breath !

They all went for a tasting yesterday of the wedding feast , F/DIL her FOO and my Ds .....I wonder what it was like ?

overwhelmed123

LL, are her parents paying for the reception?

lancaster lady

Yes they are .....with a contribution from my DS FOO ....us !

pam1

LL, not so nice Pam thought it would be fun if there was a touch of food poisoning at the wedding feast tasting.

I put her in the corner for now.

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

overwhelmed123


lancaster lady

I don't want to spoil Laurie's post with my rant ....so I won't !

Laurie:

Everything sounds great , I can feel the buzz from here . ;D

Pen

Quote from: Scoop on May 17, 2011, 11:30:41 AM
They make a "camel-back" backpack for bikers that can hold a liter or TWO.

But then Laurie would have to look like she has a dowager's hump!

Decisions, decisions.

How about a camel-back frontpack, tee-hee-hee  ;)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

LaurieS

Quote from: lancaster lady on May 17, 2011, 02:42:45 PM

They all went for a tasting yesterday of the wedding feast , F/DIL her FOO and my Ds .....I wonder what it was like ?

Well that makes me sad and you aren't going to ruin anything by talking about it.  I was not invited when the bride-to-be, her mom and her grandmothers went to sample the meal for my son's wedding.  The only real involvement we had was when we had lunch and picked out the food for the catered rehearsal dinner. 

Oh I almost forgot I was invited to the bridal shower where the bad mother-in-law was joked about before I stood up and said.. hello.. I am the mother-in-law-to-be.  At first it did hurt a little but then I saw that everything about that wedding was 100% all about the princess bride.. this is what she and her mother had dreamed about for a very long time and who was I to interfere with that dream.  So when the opportunity arrived for me to pick up a big hunk of the tab, I opted not to. And.... I did not feel more then a smidgen of guilt.  To this day my dil refers the day has her wedding.

My dd still shakes her head in disbelief as to how little our family was considered and I think in part that is why she is trying hard not to make the same mistake.. well what we view as mistakes.. my dil thought her day was perfect as she should.. the exception of her new fil trying to upstage her with emergency surgery :)  Actually I'm joking about that.. my dil rolled so well with the dilemma  had it not been for the ever constant grapevine no one would have been the wiser. Newly married bride and groom even went to the hospital so dad could see his son for the first time in his dress blues, and my dil really was beautiful in her gown.

But LL you should have been invited and I'm sorry that you weren't .. a gesture as small as including  your future mil would have meant the world to at least one person, I hope that they overlooked you based on nothing more then ignorance.  I'm really sorry.   

lancaster lady

Thanks Laurie....I guess when our DS gets married his DM is last in line.......you know I found out the wedding date on FB ......also the bride and her mom picked the venue together .My DS finally saw the venue two weeks ago ! When I asked if they wanted a contribution ,the answer was no .However as we get nearer the date , monetary funds have been asked for ......Now I could let all these things build up into a huge showdown ,but we've been there already and the stress landed me in hospital .There are lots of other things niggling away ,but they are going over my head.I think they are giving me lots of access to my GD to keep me sweet ........hhhmm ! Who by the way will be spending the wedding night with my DIL foo ......whom I have met twice ! .......Anyway my outfit is bought ,and I also bought my GD a beautiful dress ......August is the date ,so until then I am keeping out of the way ........who said I was the best MIL in the world ? ..........lol

Nana

Dear Lancaster Lady...you will look beautiful. in your new outfit....... How can you be the best mil....dil didnt earn it.   The loss is hers.

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

lancaster lady

Thankyou Nana......I just posted that you and I have similar stories .......time will tell....thankyou for caring ..x

Pooh

LL, my DS had his wedding at my Mother's house.  They asked us to do the rehearsal dinner and wanted a big cook-out.  No problem.  They invited 50 people.  No problem.  Then proceeded to complain to everyone that we did not want anything to do with their family because we were unsocial.  Problem!  Lol.  It was hard to be social when DH and I spent the entire time grilling so DIL could have what she wanted!  Here I was thinking I was doing exactly what they asked us to do...silly me.  I have learned.

So don't sweat it.   Go and look fabulous, smile and enjoy the day that you didn't have to stress over.  Like Nana said, their loss.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

overwhelmed123

I don't know if this is like any of your DILs, but I just want to share with you guys that my MIL was not invited to our taste testing, for several reasons, and none of it was because we didn't want good family relations or were just thinking we didn't want her there.  Actually at this point in the relationship, I was bending over backwards to accommodate their family and make sure they felt included and valued.

For one, it honestly really didn't even come up.  It wasn't something that really went through my mind because MIL was not paying a dime for this venue, for the food, for the drinks, for anything having to do with this place and I was just so thankful and gracious to my parents for even considering the venue we booked that I was concentrating on making it the best experience for them.  This was a golf club who offered to do a full 4 course sit down dinner with drinks included for us so we could be comfortable with their chef.  I mean...really nice place and they served us steaks and prime rib, so I didn't feel right inviting more people than necessary to make the decision because I thought it would be rude on my part to say, "oh freebies?  Cool, I'll bring everyone I could find."  I almost just had my mom and dad go because I even felt like 4 of us was a lot.  Second, I am pretty sure I have talked about this before, but I have anxiety problems and I felt like at a lot of turns, I was getting a lot of "clutter" from different people giving me their opinions about this or that dealing with the wedding and I didn't want it.  It felt chaotic to me to involve more than who was paying for it in the decision.  For the rehearsal dinner, my parents weren't involved in it at all.  It was all between us and DH's mom, so I held everyone to the same standard.  That's just me.  I didn't want to clutter everything with trying to get everyone involved in the decision for everything- and I didn't feel right bringing more people than necessary to a venue for a free dinner from a 5 star chef.  There wasn't even one second where I thought to myself, "Oh I'm going to leave MIL out of this because I don't want her there."  There just wasn't a reason for her to be there.

I do want to add also that I really did bend over backwards to make them feel part of it.  I took my MIL with my bridesmaids to show them the dress that I was picking and try it on for them.  My own mother was not even there.  But my MIL was.  I took MIL out to lunch with my mom to talk about the wedding and if she had any special requests (which ended up being "yes I want to be able to invite whoever I want, unlimited number" but I digress).  I kept her updated about everything- when we checked out the venue, I sent her the website link and pictures of the place to show her (not ask her if it was okay- but just "keep her in the loop" because I thought it would be a nice gesture).  I told her what we had decided for our menu.  I told her our colors, of course I told her the date before everyone else, in the event there was something wrong with it.  I sent her a bunch of our engagement pictures after we took them.  I offered to send announcements to a bunch of her friends that weren't invited to the wedding- I printed them myself, addressed the envelopes, mailed them all at my own expense.  I didn't know any of those people, they weren't relevant to my life, I just thought it would show good will.

SO, I just wanted to clarify that I didn't invite my ILs to the venue for our test dinner, but that didn't mean I was purposely excluding them, or felt any ill will towards them. 

lancaster lady

Thanks OW :.

mine is a lot more complicated than just the meal tasting .
By writing your own wedding experience to make me feel better , well then I thank you .