What started it?

[AnonymousDIL]

Is this for other believers of the same religion?  Or do you do that with everyone?  Just curious

I was raised Catholic and we were not taught this at all.

Other believers of the same religion (which MIL is). I hold people with the same professed beliefs to a much higher standard than others because "they know better"? By that I mean, MIL states that having an affair is wrong, but she is having an affair. If you know that something is wrong you shouldn't be doing it and others (of the same religion) are well within their rights to point this out to you.

On the other hand, the man she is having the affair with is not of the same religion (not religious at all). So he doesn't "know" it's wrong, so I don't hold him to that same standard.

[holliberri]

I'd really like to get back to reading about triggers...I think we're at an empasse.

[Pen]

I understand that our beliefs are important when dealing with our individual situations, but they are also personal. Discussing the fine points of a religion can be tricky on a forum like this since many of us are in a fragile emotional state to begin with. Perhaps before we get into a situation that will be difficult to deal with we should get back on track?

[AnonymousDIL]

I understand that our beliefs are important when dealing with our individual situations, but they are also personal. Discussing the fine points of a religion can be tricky on a forum like this since many of us are in a fragile emotional state to begin with. Perhaps before we get into a situation that will be difficult to deal with we should get back on track?

Yes, Ma'am. 

[LaurieS]

Then quit asking adil

[Nana]

You are right Pen.....religious discussions will take us no where.  So lets move on....

Love you all

[Pooh]

Ok, I'll move it on...Lol.  I think my situation became what it is because of timing.  My DIL entered my OS's life (as a GF) while he was still in High School.  It became a battle between us because of me trying to be a Mother clashed with her personality of wanting to be number one in his life.  By the time he graduated and then they got engaged, the battle lines had already been drawn between us and nothing was going to change that.

[free_at_last]

In my case it started long before I ever came into the picture.  DH's biological mother lost custody of him when he was a pre-schooler due to abuse and he became a ward of the state.  Another relative did take him in and become his legal guardian but he never had any kind of stability and as he grew up he was passed around to whatever relative needed free labor.  Eventually he was adopted by one of them but again it was for the wrong reasons, he was expected to drop everything and do whatever they asked whenever they asked and even as an adult if he didn't do what they asked he would get the silent treatment and be badmouthed to the rest of the family, until they needed him to do something again. 

The only good thing I can really say about his childhood is that he turned out to be the hardest working man I have ever met and he knows how to do everything from cooking to cleaning to childcare to fixing anything and building anything.  He had a very rough start in life but he is the most wonderful husband and father that I could ever hope for.

[holliberri]

Ok, I'll move it on...Lol.  I think my situation became what it is because of timing.  My DIL entered my OS's life (as a GF) while he was still in High School.  It became a battle between us because of me trying to be a Mother clashed with her personality of wanting to be number one in his life.  By the time he graduated and then they got engaged, the battle lines had already been drawn between us and nothing was going to change that.

Pooh,

I had to laugh, b/c I always thought if I met MIL in high school while I was still growing up and had to follow rules (I"m a rule follower), I would have an easier time with all of the above I talked about. I also think I would have been better off because in high school, it seems an impossibility to be #1 in another's life. I mean, my boyfriends often had to hang up the phone b/c it was 10 o' clock or had to skip out on a Friday night b/c their chores weren't done, and I had my own rules to follow at home as well. That seemed totally natural to me. Without trying to add fuel to your fire, I think her expectations were totally unreasonable.

[AnonymousDIL]

I would venture beyond the meeting while in highschool to while they live at home! My 1st bf was 25 when I met him, he was sooooo controled by his mom it isn't funny.

Met DH when he was 23 (almost) and he still lived at home. Guess who thought (and still thinks) she can control his every move. lol

Sometimes it seems like it would have been so much easier if DH had already been out of the house. The next DIL will luck out (partially because MIL already has me to hate lol) because BIL has already moved out. MIL still tries to control him, but he is handling it magnificiently. I can't wait for him to find a nice girl to settle down with. :-)

[Pooh]

Ok, I'll move it on...Lol.  I think my situation became what it is because of timing.  My DIL entered my OS's life (as a GF) while he was still in High School.  It became a battle between us because of me trying to be a Mother clashed with her personality of wanting to be number one in his life.  By the time he graduated and then they got engaged, the battle lines had already been drawn between us and nothing was going to change that.

Pooh,

I had to laugh, b/c I always thought if I met MIL in high school while I was still growing up and had to follow rules (I"m a rule follower), I would have an easier time with all of the above I talked about. I also think I would have been better off because in high school, it seems an impossibility to be #1 in another's life. I mean, my boyfriends often had to hang up the phone b/c it was 10 o' clock or had to skip out on a Friday night b/c their chores weren't done, and I had my own rules to follow at home as well. That seemed totally natural to me. Without trying to add fuel to your fire, I think her expectations were totally unreasonable.

I can see that about you because you are rational! Lol.  No, I think it turned out the opposite for us.  She didn't like that I could still tell him what to do, like homework before playing, curfews....normal stuff.  When I grounded him for a week for something he did, she became very angry because she couldn't talk to him...things like that.  She disrepected my house, and when I said things to him like, "You are responsible for your company", she became livid.  That carried over into their adult years.

[overwhelmed123]

Probably all came to a head when my DH moved 30 minutes away from them.

[overwhelmed123]

Oops, I meant to add...because well, 30 minutes is just too far and seeing them every other week or sometimes every week was just not enough!

[overwhelmed123]

I'm sorry, I just have to say ADIL, I find it hard to believe a grown adult man would not "know" that having an affair is "wrong."

[AnonymousDIL]

Oops, I meant to add...because well, 30 minutes is just too far and seeing them every other week or sometimes every week was just not enough!

You mean you didn't want to live in the same house with them? *Gasp* You shameless little hussy! (this was ALL sarcasm, hope you got that).

MIL told me when we were house shopping "Well, you WON'T be moving to XXX (my hometown)." Guess where we moved. My hometown lol