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My mother

Started by SassyDI, May 11, 2011, 06:47:15 PM

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AnonymousDIL

Quote from: SassyDI on May 12, 2011, 12:21:52 PM
It hurts my DH very deeply when she uses the "You choose to marry someone in a wheelchair defense."  She knows it bother's us and yet she does it anyway.  She is like that even if she agrees with me on something when she mad she will use it and act like she doesn't agree and say hurtful things.

I understand that this phrase is very hurtful to you. And you have indicated that you don't vent to your mom typically, but answered the phone at a bad moment. Soooo, in the future, if you are feeling overwhelmed and DM calls, DON"T answer it the first time. Because she is probably playing the "live with the consequences of your actions" card. No, it isn't nice, but your can't change her just how you react to her.

Rose799

Quote from: SassyDI on May 12, 2011, 12:21:52 PM
It hurts my DH very deeply when she uses the "You choose to marry someone in a wheelchair defense."  She knows it bother's us and yet she does it anyway.  She is like that even if she agrees with me on something when she mad she will use it and act like she doesn't agree and say hurtful things.
[/quote]

I would be hurt, too, SassyDI.  Maybe I'm different, but just as I can't give up on dd, neither can I give up on dm.  I've learned from WWU that I cannot change other people, so I'm learning to accept people as they are (family included) & to forgive their shortcomings, as well as my own.  I'm just trying to say that two wrongs won't make a right.  All you can do is carry your end, SassyDI.   Dm has to carry her own... 

holliberri

Quote from: Rose799 on May 12, 2011, 01:24:14 PM
I would be hurt, too, SassyDI.  Maybe I'm different, but just as I can't give up on dd, neither can I give up on dm.  I've learned from WWU that I cannot change other people, so I'm learning to accept people as they are (family included) & to forgive their shortcomings, as well as my own.  I'm just trying to say that two wrongs won't make a right.  All you can do is carry your end, SassyDI.   Dm has to carry her own...

Same here. Acceptance isn't so much about the other person as it is about allowing myself some peace.

SassyDI

Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 12, 2011, 01:08:04 PM
Quote from: SassyDI on May 12, 2011, 12:21:52 PM
It hurts my DH very deeply when she uses the "You choose to marry someone in a wheelchair defense."  She knows it bother's us and yet she does it anyway.  She is like that even if she agrees with me on something when she mad she will use it and act like she doesn't agree and say hurtful things.

I understand that this phrase is very hurtful to you. And you have indicated that you don't vent to your mom typically, but answered the phone at a bad moment. Soooo, in the future, if you are feeling overwhelmed and DM calls, DON"T answer it the first time. Because she is probably playing the "live with the consequences of your actions" card. No, it isn't nice, but your can't change her just how you react to her.

If I don't answer she will ring my phones several times until I answer.  I have had 21 missed calls before I should add this sorry just so stressed on a time where I wasn't mad at her.  Once I was in a mall and didn't answer my phone she was convinced something was wrong.  Nope DH, DD and were out and my phone was in my dh's van charging.  When I called her back she was freaking out that she thought i was hurt blah blah blah.  She has been this way since I had DD its three years now and its annoying.  She gets mad at me when she calls and wants to speak to DD and I tell her she is busy playing.  I know she loves DD but it can get annoying.  We talk every day I call her she calls me.  I allow it only because it makes me have peace of mind that if something happen to me when she was real small if I didn't answer and I was hurt and DH was in bed and couldn't get to the phone well someone would be looking out for us.  But now DD can get the phone when told so i think that the phone calls are need all the time. 

SassyDI

Quote from: SassyDI on May 12, 2011, 01:39:52 PM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 12, 2011, 01:08:04 PM
Quote from: SassyDI on May 12, 2011, 12:21:52 PM
It hurts my DH very deeply when she uses the "You choose to marry someone in a wheelchair defense."  She knows it bother's us and yet she does it anyway.  She is like that even if she agrees with me on something when she mad she will use it and act like she doesn't agree and say hurtful things.

I understand that this phrase is very hurtful to you. And you have indicated that you don't vent to your mom typically, but answered the phone at a bad moment. Soooo, in the future, if you are feeling overwhelmed and DM calls, DON"T answer it the first time. Because she is probably playing the "live with the consequences of your actions" card. No, it isn't nice, but your can't change her just how you react to her.

Should add the talking once a day gave me peace of mind.  Not the endless calls those have always drove me nuts.  Its like stop calling me over and over.

If I don't answer she will ring my phones several times until I answer.  I have had 21 missed calls before I should add this sorry just so stressed on a time where I wasn't mad at her.  Once I was in a mall and didn't answer my phone she was convinced something was wrong.  Nope DH, DD and were out and my phone was in my dh's van charging.  When I called her back she was freaking out that she thought i was hurt blah blah blah.  She has been this way since I had DD its three years now and its annoying.  She gets mad at me when she calls and wants to speak to DD and I tell her she is busy playing.  I know she loves DD but it can get annoying.  We talk every day I call her she calls me.  I allow it only because it makes me have peace of mind that if something happen to me when she was real small if I didn't answer and I was hurt and DH was in bed and couldn't get to the phone well someone would be looking out for us.  But now DD can get the phone when told so i think that the phone calls are need all the time.

SassyDI

messed up: Should add the talking once a day gave me peace of mind.  Not the endless calls those have always drove me nuts.  Its like stop calling me over and over.


lancaster lady

sassyDI

does your DM phone you to annoy you , or because she is worried about you ?
Does she have a mobile ?
You could text her twice a day if need be to reassure her that you are all ok .
I understand your stress and this only adds to it . Why your DM doesn't listen to you when you tell her
that she is phoning too much puzzles me . I know when the phone rings here constantly , it sets my nerves on
edge .
If she doesn't have a mobile phone , then maybe buy her one and show her how to text .It would
stop the phone ringing if nothing else .

Sassy

Its going to be ok SassyDI it will pass.  You will be able to get whatever matters done, you always do.  What doesn't get done never mattered.   You made it this far, you are stronger than you know.   One step at a time, one chore at a time, once call at a time, one kiss at a time.  It all gets done.  Hugs from invisibleland.....

Love, the Sassy without the DI 


SassyDI

Update talked to my mom this weekend I think we worked it out.  And told her that calling like that would get her no where.  She is backing off I hope we shall see.  I told her flat out no calls around bedtime and if she does I won't be answering because I need to be left alone during that time.

holliberri

I am glad for you sassydi. I hope she understands where you are coming from.

lancaster lady

Communication that's the key .....problem is both sides have to be willing to listen . Fingers crossed.

SassyDI

Time will only tell we shall keep those fingers crossed.

luise.volta

Crossing fingers...eyes, arms and feet!!!!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

AnonymousDIL

Quote from: luise.volta on May 16, 2011, 03:35:57 PM
Crossing fingers...eyes, arms and feet!!!!

Careful you don't stay that way! lol

overwhelmed123

Quote from: lancaster lady on May 16, 2011, 03:18:32 PM
Communication that's the key .....problem is both sides have to be willing to listen . Fingers crossed.

Ain't that the truth!!