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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Mother_in_law

Started by rmd, May 10, 2011, 02:59:40 PM

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LaurieS

Gosh Pen... showing up late to your own party

Pen

Yeah, it figures my computer is being repaired on the one day Grab Bag gets a new poster! I'm bumbling along on my phone.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

RedRose

When your husbands married you they still have mothers...unless they died. 

I think husbands should celebrate mother's as long as they are alive...also...husbands should teach his children (his wife and his children's mother ) how to celebrate mother's day.


holliberri

RedRose,

I don't think anybody said that they shouldn't. It is the fact that there are parents our there that expect the whole day to be about them. They forget that other people (including their own children) are now parents.

I don't forget that my SIL or my BIL's wife are mothers too. I don't forget that my best friend in California is either. I didn't even forget that women on here were. However, I have a G-ma that threw a fit b/c I was going to spend the day with my DH's mother. I also had a MIL who threw a fit that we didn't make it an entire weekend for her.

It is the people we deal with that expect the entire day to be about them that are the problem. They seem to forgte that celebrating "your own" mother needs to be divided into celebrating your DH's mother as well as possibly even your own motherhood.

LaurieS

Yes RedRose I fully agree.. I'll never stop being my son's mother... but I can also take that giant step back and let his wife and the mother of his child take center stage..... Yes I'd like a phone call at some point just to say hi and I'm thinking about you.. but to come over as a spectator and watch me elevate myself above others especially the young mothers that isn't what it's about either.  Unfortunately there are a whole lot of moms who can not take that step back. 

rmd

Thank you all for welcoming me and your posts.  They are helpful and I will always love my mil, but been 28 years and i need to stop the rudeness.  Again thank you all

LaurieS

You've been playing this game for 28 years?

RedRose

Well, there should always be compromise...especially as the family get bigger.

My children visited Me on Friday, they made plans to visit other family and their own
little families Sat and Sun.


SassyDI

Quote from: RedRose on May 10, 2011, 06:45:41 PM
When your husbands married you they still have mothers...unless they died. 

I think husbands should celebrate mother's as long as they are alive...also...husbands should teach his children (his wife and his children's mother ) how to celebrate mother's day.

So the new mom in your eyes gets no spot light even though you have had mother's day for 20 some years?

RedRose

I didn't say that...you need to compromise.

Life is too short

SassyDI

Quote from: RedRose on May 10, 2011, 07:05:54 PM
I didn't say that...you need to compromise.

Life is too short
My mom never shared Mother's Day with anyone.  But she feels I am suppose to.

holliberri

RMD,

You poor thing. 28 years? Time to speak up...even if you're not that pretty about it.

I did speak up once and I was pleasantly surprised that my DH backed me up. Our marriage has improved immensely in the last 8 months or so, and MIL didn't get it at first, but I think some of the things we told her have sunk in.

AnonymousDIL

OMG! 28 years!!! Phew!!!!


I agree with Redrose. Mother's all need to learn to "share" the day (or weekend). We saw MIL on Saturday and my mom on Sunday. When I have my own kids I absolutely expect to be considered on the day, but I would never ever cut DM/MIL out completely. IMHO to do that would be extremely self-centered and rude of me. My dM sacrificed a LOT for me and deserves every ounce that I can give back.

LaurieS

Yes adil.. but it's no longer their limelight alone.

SassyDI

Quote from: Laurie on May 10, 2011, 07:30:51 PM
Yes adil.. but it's no longer their limelight alone.

And as a mother she should remember how special the first few mother's days where.  Every year it gets more and more special for me as DD grows.  Last year I took a year for myself to do what i wanted how I wanted alone.  I called her last year to wish her a happy mother's day.  As she would with her own mother when I was small.