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Help for a confused potential future daughter in law? (CPFDIL?)

Started by isitme?, November 18, 2009, 10:16:14 am

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Mom2, I have such a hard time figuring how to word things b/c my fear is that they'll come off wrong or bad.  I think its hard b/c we can only read and can't see the person's face or hear the tone of their voice.  But I meant nothing by my comment about my original post I promise.  I was just trying to state that I had written it out before if you ever wanted to read it, which by all means don't feel like you have to.  That wasn't my intention at all.

But yes I don't want you to feel like I was being snarky b/c your comments don't even deserve for me to be snarky.  And no I didn't think you were questioning my situation.  There's nothing bad on this end I promise!



Good.. I am happy that you are happy :)

I know what you mean about being careful with how things are worded  ( me too ! ).. the last thing I would want to do is hurt someone in my forum family ( we have all had enough of that from the people we love  ). I am one of those people who if I think I have hurt you, I fall all over myself trying to make sure you know I'm sorry.

I didn't invite DS/ Dil to Thanksgiving; not because I didn't want them but because it always ends in misery. DS called today and invited himself ( and of course DIL too ) and that's okay. At least they cared enough to want to come huh ? I do hope it goes well and who knows ? I may be the one with a successful story !! You have a happy Turkey day 


Oh Mom!! they are coming?  I know what you mean about it turning into a crazy house.  At least we're getting together, huh?

I wonder if all families are crazy houses?  I wouldn't be surprised..it comes out this time of year, doesn't it? 

I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving...let's meet up again at "our place" and tell our stories.....may they be wonderful ones. 


I sure hope it turns out good for all of us..
I was feeling pretty calm.. planned on a quiet little afternoon meal for hubby and I  with no stress ( except missing our children / grandson ). Son just called and asked what our plans are and I told him.. he said " well, we will be there " so what could I say ? I have had a headache since... stress is coming on !! I guess I will just try to love them and we will all meet here ( like you said ) the day after.. if we survive LOL.


Nothing should ever surprise us with them anymore but it does.  I make a huge stress event out of all of it.  I can't stop myself. It's crazy and I know it.

I wish son would come back to life as a human being but he's far into it that I know there's no coming back.

Wishing you the best.


I hope everyone here has a happy thanksgiving and is able to enjoy whatever time they can with their loved ones and even their not-so-loved ones.  I am going to do my best to be loving and respectful when visiting my FMIL but am not going to tolerate any tantrums.  I know she is disappointed that we are only going to be there for one day and she will be mad that I am not staying overnight at their house but staying for only one day is her son's choice, not mine.  Me staying in a hotel and not at their house is my family's preference given her treatment of me.  Her behavior has it's consequences but that doesn't mean I have to rub her nose in it or limit the time her son spends with her - but I hope she is able to enjoy the time we are there.  I don't expect that but maybe that's being pessimistic.

For the MIL's who are feeling stressed about having their DIL's visit or not visit over Thanksgiving - please don't feel stressed!  If your are not happy with having your DIL in your home, she may be able to pick up on your feelings and the cycle of unhappiness will continue.  I know it may seem hurtful if they don't stay with you - but take that as a chance to let go of some of the stress and just try to enjoy the time you do spend together.  I know I don't have as much experience as many of you on this forum, but I feel like I've learned a lot just in these past few months as I try to resolve some of my own in-law issues.  I think everyone here is trying very hard to find some kind of a happy compromise and we should take some comfort in that.  So I hope we all just try to make the best of what we have - maybe for some it will be easier than others - but life is short and we should appreciate whatever time we have with our loved ones - even if it means putting up with some unpleasantness for their sake (and our sanity). 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!




Good luck on Thanksgiving. What you said about life being short is so very true and we just never know so I will  try ( like you ) to make the best of it.

I know that I am probably the only one who feels this way but if I thought for one minute that my dil was staying at my house.. I would lose it !  I am the mil who would want her to get a hotel and stay one night ( shoot, I'd pay for it ).   I know that sounds bad but so much has happened that I just can't help it ; there was a time when I would have been hurt if she had not wanted to stay at my house but not anymore ( and she knows it ). I would not treat her badly but I can't go out of my way to please either ( been there, done that and it didn't work ). I just hope we all survive this.


I didn't want her to stay here either, Mom....not really.  It is just a surprise that my own son is 2 minutes from our house in a hotel.  I know that sounds about as weird as can be but when you know where it's coming from, you understand.  They've been with her Mother for almost a week.  It's not possible to stay here for her and that's what hurts, not that I want them.

I think distant DIL has done all the damage maybe she intends to dish out to me.  It seems like she's softening just a bit...maybe?  It's like she's done.  If she couldn't see that I'd been crying yesterday, she was not looking.   I guess we've been in a boxing match and she's easing up because she knows she won. 

I sure have been afraid of her. As I look at her, now that she's done, I see that there really isn't all that much to be afraid of.  She wants to be right, she wants total control and to do that, she had to get us under control.  We are; she can see that.   

I think tomorrow might turn out to be an okay day.  If you don't have a daughter, you are just out of luck and have to have leftovers!

Whatever they say or do tomorrow, I'll just take.  I will not be afraid.  I will not. 


That is so sad to think about being 2 minutes from your mothers home and feel the need to stay in a hotel. I will never know what is going on in their heads.

Every time, in the past, that I thought my dil had softened, she fooled me and came back full steam ahead !! I just wonder how they could think that things are suddenly ok when they decide they want to be friends/  family .

Good luck chickie.. I do hope she has softened up and acts like she has a heart.