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GMIL and my love and dislike relationship

Started by SassyDI, May 06, 2011, 05:15:22 am

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SassyDI

Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 06, 2011, 10:28:15 am
I view your defensive rantings and attackings of anyone who dares to disagree with you or offer you a different POV as rude. GMIL was baiting you. You claim you didn't take the bait and were the bigger person. Well, the bigger person wouldn't still be bothered by it after all this time.


Anonymous I don't know why but it seems every post I post in here you are telling me how wrong I am.  Maybe because as I wrote there are other things that have happen.  And everything builds up and snowballs to the point where things can't just be let go. 

holliberri

SassyDI,

I don't think you've been defensive, but I think you could work on letting go of some things. Your DD is 3 now. A lot of time has passed.

NOt b/c you owe it to GMIL, but b/c you owe it to yourself. Don't you have enough going on in your life?

holliberri

I mean, I am overwhelmed by my life...and you, hands down, have a lot more to do than I do. I'm not trying to be mean.

SassyDI

Quote from: Holly on May 06, 2011, 10:42:52 am
SassyDI,

I don't think you've been defensive, but I think you could work on letting go of some things. Your DD is 3 now. A lot of time has passed.

NOt b/c you owe it to GMIL, but b/c you owe it to yourself. Don't you have enough going on in your life?


I don't really think about that much I don't.  But I have been going over my feelings about her the last few days. And what I am feeling about what happen with the Uncle.  I am trying to really process going forward what to do.  DH and I have been talking about it.  So much more that is just scrapping the tip of what she and I have been though over the years.  Like this year DH got mad at me yes mad for not wanting to answer the phone when she called to wish my happy birthday.  He didn't get it at all.  It was my day and yes I wanted to enjoy it GMIL free.    Then seeing the post about having kids and it flooded back to me all those emotions.  She once told me after she knew about Uncle touching me.  That both her daughter's married wonderful men nice men.  Really he touches woman in ways he shouldn't its like she is blocking it out.  And I don't know if I want to be around that. 

SassyDI

Quote from: Holly on May 06, 2011, 10:43:23 am
I mean, I am overwhelmed by my life...and you, hands down, have a lot more to do than I do. I'm not trying to be mean.


Holly your not coming off as mean at all.

holliberri

SassyDI,

My dad's late stepmother, who I loved dearly, was very much the same way.  There were several similar situations in our family, and when brought ot her attention, she ignored it. Her inability to listen to it lead to things much worse than what started out initially, and I believe is the sole cause of not one, not two, but three generations having now experienced abuse. She said it was going against God to accuse family members of abuse.

You can protect yourself by staying away from the Uncle. I would advise you also protect your DD by keeping her away from the Uncle as well...and I hope your DH is 100% on board with that.

I think the other stuff (the politics, the U/S photos), you should try to let go. If you need to vent, do it with the goal of getting it out of your system and getting some closure. Don't hang onto this stuff forever. You aren't going to change her mind or her behavior, it seem, and I guarantee she will probably do something else to upset you later on...that you'll be angry enough about then.

LaurieS

Quote from: SassyDI on May 06, 2011, 09:58:54 am
Quote from: Laurie on May 06, 2011, 09:36:31 am
Quote from: SassyDI on May 06, 2011, 09:03:56 am
first off it was DH's grandma(GMIL) not his dad's wife.  2nd I only saw her at family functions while pregnant and yes I brought my U/S to show to family.  Why should I have to hide my U/S because she choose to act like a fool. Sorry Laurie how am I wrong wanting to show off my baby a baby that took a very long time to have.  I should be able to show her off proudly.   Was it a slight towards my IVF I don't think so but maybe it was.  She was very angry with DH and I for what we did.  Was it about my prochoice thinking oh I think so.



GMIL "NO scinentist what do they call babies again?"

Me " a fetus"

GMIL "Begins her rant about abortion"

That was what was said DH was talking with his Aunt (creepy Uncle's wife) and Grandma, being nice trying to include the woman who told my hubby to go to confession.  Yeah I was being the better person and she couldn't be.   Yes she knew my point of view by then and I didn't take the bait.  Did she know that name I have no clue.  Fine think it but you should never talk about to the M-2-B.


Well Sassy do you see how it's easy to become offended when someone was not attempting to offend you?  I went back and looked  you have  changed your wording but there is really no need in becoming offended  when I said that you would  need to clarify in order to understand the progression of events.

Where  did I ever say that you were  'wrong' for wanting to show someone your undeveloped baby pictures?  Personally I think it would be more polite to say hey would you be interested in seeing them ..  Personally photos of my dil's uterus is not what I find conversation worthy.   I said you were wrong for expecting a different response.


Would you find your Daughter's worthy?


NO... I would not care to look at my daughters sonogram as much as I did not care to see the pictures from her colonoscopy to be perfectly honest.  And to clarify what I said was I don't find it conversation worthy.. and it's my dil who is pregnant.. so that is why I used her in my sentence.

pam1

Most baby showers that I've been to (which I decline to go anymore but different story) the pictures are left in a dedicated spot so people may choose to look or not, if the pictures are even brought out in the first place. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

SassyDI

Quote from: pam1 on May 06, 2011, 12:16:09 pm
Most baby showers that I've been to (which I decline to go anymore but different story) the pictures are left in a dedicated spot so people may choose to look or not, if the pictures are even brought out in the first place.


See I most showers I have too the stuff just gets passed around.  I guess it depends on what your use too.  But its the same thing people can look or pass it on.

SassyDI

Quote from: Laurie on May 06, 2011, 12:03:13 pm
Quote from: SassyDI on May 06, 2011, 09:58:54 am
Quote from: Laurie on May 06, 2011, 09:36:31 am
Quote from: SassyDI on May 06, 2011, 09:03:56 am
first off it was DH's grandma(GMIL) not his dad's wife.  2nd I only saw her at family functions while pregnant and yes I brought my U/S to show to family.  Why should I have to hide my U/S because she choose to act like a fool. Sorry Laurie how am I wrong wanting to show off my baby a baby that took a very long time to have.  I should be able to show her off proudly.   Was it a slight towards my IVF I don't think so but maybe it was.  She was very angry with DH and I for what we did.  Was it about my prochoice thinking oh I think so.

See I find that o

GMIL "NO scinentist what do they call babies again?"

Me " a fetus"

GMIL "Begins her rant about abortion"

That was what was said DH was talking with his Aunt (creepy Uncle's wife) and Grandma, being nice trying to include the woman who told my hubby to go to confession.  Yeah I was being the better person and she couldn't be.   Yes she knew my point of view by then and I didn't take the bait.  Did she know that name I have no clue.  Fine think it but you should never talk about to the M-2-B.


Well Sassy do you see how it's easy to become offended when someone was not attempting to offend you?  I went back and looked  you have  changed your wording but there is really no need in becoming offended  when I said that you would  need to clarify in order to understand the progression of events.

Where  did I ever say that you were  'wrong' for wanting to show someone your undeveloped baby pictures?  Personally I think it would be more polite to say hey would you be interested in seeing them ..  Personally photos of my dil's uterus is not what I find conversation worthy.   I said you were wrong for expecting a different response.


Would you find your Daughter's worthy?


NO... I would not care to look at my daughters sonogram as much as I did not care to see the pictures from her colonoscopy to be perfectly honest.  And to clarify what I said was I don't find it conversation worthy.. and it's my dil who is pregnant.. so that is why I used her in my sentence.


But thats your grandbaby first picture I guess I don't get how that wouldn't be exciting.

pam1

Yep, it is what you're used too.  I suppose they can pass the book on and not look but I believe there are those who would take offense to that as well. 

However SassyDI, knowing now that there were other options, would you go back and choose to do something differently?  Is there any part of that scenario that could have been prevented?

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

holliberri

I know what I would do in SassyDI's shoes.  I'd make sure never to show her U/S photos again. I'd have a roped red carpet invitation only look session across the room and she would not be invited.

LaurieS

it's exciting that she is pregnant.. it's not exciting for me to see an undeveloped fetus and stand around while people try to play pin the penis on the picture.  It's not.. I think it's more personal or should be but that isn't how it's view by most so I just simply say.. I'm not that interested or curious to see it.... I'm also not that interested to see the conception, or the actual birth.  Call me a freak I guess.. but don't make a mistake of thinking that I'm any less excited for my son and his wife.. even if they did insist on telling me the gender yesterday after asking 10 seconds beforehand if I wanted to know.

SassyDI

Quote from: pam1 on May 06, 2011, 12:27:32 pm
Yep, it is what you're used too.  I suppose they can pass the book on and not look but I believe there are those who would take offense to that as well. 

However SassyDI, knowing now that there were other options, would you go back and choose to do something differently?  Is there any part of that scenario that could have been prevented?



Yep I would have shared my pregnancy with GMIL at all.  And she would not have been invited to the shower. 

AnonymousDIL

Quote from: SassyDI on May 06, 2011, 12:38:32 pm
Yep I would have shared my pregnancy with GMIL at all.  And she would not have been invited to the shower. 


Don't you think that would have hurt her feelings?