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GMIL and my love and dislike relationship

Started by SassyDI, May 06, 2011, 05:15:22 am

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AnonymousDIL

I was not offended by you at all, Holly.  :)

SassyDI

Well I didn't call you scum so I don't know why you said that.  We just don't agree.  And I have to ask why would you look at an ultrasound picture and talk about abortion

free_at_last

I think the abortion statement was offensive because she knew your views on the matter when she said it.  She was trying to draw you into an argument and it was a completely inappropriate time for that.  If she hadn't already known your position on pro-life/pro-choice it probably wouldn't have been that big of a deal to you.  In this case I would have been extremely offended as well because she was trying to use it as a moment to preach her views to you when what she have been doing is congratulating you.

LaurieS

QuoteDuring my pregnancy every time I showed her my ultrasound she would freak out over it.  The first time she was like "what is this called"


If you were met with anything less then the response you had hoped for the first time, why would you continue to bring up the subject repeatedly?  The response that I'm sure your mil (whatever title she is to you) was looking for is you were showing her a sonogram.  Is it possible that your flippant response of a baby was not the answer she was looking for?  For some reason I would think that she knew it was a fetus.   

I just received a image inserted in my Easter Card from ds/dil...I don't know why but I was not jumping with joy to see their undeveloped child my first thoughts were not 'wow look it's actually a baby how could anyone harm this' yet I can see where that may enter the minds of many.  That line of thinking would actually be placing a great value on this little humans life and while maybe not worded correctly or impeccably timed, instead of looking for an insult I think I would have say 'wow you're right, how could anyone harm this human life'.

If you were insulted then that is your choice.. but to go back at her yet again each time you had a new image was not a fair way to approach the subject either.

holliberri

Laurie,

I am not positive, but is it possible that other people were having SassyDI show the U/S photos and GMIL just happened to be there? MIL required I take my U/S photos everywhere with me so evyerone could see.

Then there was the baby shower after all the family events...U/S photos were passed around yet again. Not by my own doing.

Pen

As usual, I'm confused and need clarification. Did I read this wrong or did SassyDI say that the first response from the IL was "What is it? What do scientists call it?" as if "it" was somehow less than a real human baby since "it" had been conceived by IVF? And then in the next breath the IL is promoting her pro-life views? I agree that the scenario made a special moment into something awful for SassyDI. If that's the case, I know I wouldn't want to show them another U/S.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

holliberri

Yeah, I feel SassyDI was either being goaded into argument or made fun of for her views. It had little to do with valuing a life in that instance.

LaurieS

Holly that is why I quoted Sassy's words... if she cares to add clarification she can go right ahead.. but her words were that she showed her repeatedly.

Pen... while it's possible I'd hate to think of anyone attempting to look like a stupid idiot by not understanding what a baby or fetus is... but the proper name of a sonogram could escape someones everyday language (unless you're a pregnant mom-to-be)  That would be the scientific name  for the image.... that I could see her asking.

It's just typical of most everything.. if you want to get huffy or offended, it's a piece of cake to do.

AnonymousDIL

Quote from: Laurie on May 06, 2011, 08:37:06 am
but the proper name of a sonogram could escape someones everyday language (unless you're a pregnant mom-to-be)  That would be the scientific name  for the image.... that I could see her asking.


How old is GMIL? Since she is a GMIL I would assume she is "older" than most. Back in the day, U/S photos weren't as common as today. I mean, my mom had DB in 1984. She didn't have a U/S photo.... Soooooo, maybe GMIL had never seen one before? And your Aunt? made the next comment? Or was that still GMIL?

Pen

That's true, Laurie. It's hard for us to know since we weren't there to witness the tone of voice or facial expressions. It's probably better to assume no ill intent until it's made very clear that that was what was intended. And even then it's probably a good idea to let it go unless it is unforgivably horrid. To go back in and expect different results isn't productive either.

That's a good point too, ADIL. The sonogram probably looked like a confusing blob to GMIL. She may have been feeling defensive because she couldn't clearly see the baby; a lot of older people act that way when they feel old and out of touch w/technology.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

pam1

LOL, I can't even make out most sonogram pictures.

I do know quite a few people who think showing u/s pictures is not polite.  Personally, I don't understand either way but to each their own.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

SassyDI

first off it was DH's grandma(GMIL) not his dad's wife.  2nd I only saw her at family functions while pregnant and yes I brought my U/S to show to family.  Why should I have to hide my U/S because she choose to act like a fool. Sorry Laurie how am I wrong wanting to show off my baby a baby that took a very long time to have.  I should be able to show her off proudly.   Was it a slight towards my IVF I don't think so but maybe it was.  She was very angry with DH and I for what we did.  Was it about my prochoice thinking oh I think so.

GMIL looks at the picture "What do they call this"

Me  "A baby"

GMIL "NO scinentist what do they call babies again?"

Me " a fetus"

GMIL "Begins her rant about abortion"

That was what was said DH was talking with his Aunt (creepy Uncle's wife) and Grandma, being nice trying to include the woman who told my hubby to go to confession.  Yeah I was being the better person and she couldn't be.   Yes she knew my point of view by then and I didn't take the bait.  Did she know that name I have no clue.  Fine think it but you should never talk about to the M-2-B.

SassyDI

Quote from: Pen on May 06, 2011, 08:47:39 am
That's true, Laurie. It's hard for us to know since we weren't there to witness the tone of voice or facial expressions. It's probably better to assume no ill intent until it's made very clear that that was what was intended. And even then it's probably a good idea to let it go unless it is unforgivably horrid. To go back in and expect different results isn't productive either.

That's a good point too, ADIL. The sonogram probably looked like a confusing blob to GMIL. She may have been feeling defensive because she couldn't clearly see the baby; a lot of older people act that way when they feel old and out of touch w/technology.


If I showed you the picture you could clearly see that it was a baby I was 12 weeks and my photo was very clear.  I have never seen an image be so clear

SassyDI

She also said it when my D3pictures where past around at the shower.  So I shouldn't have brought my 3D pictures to the shower because I knew she would be there.  I was talking to another family close by her at the time they got handed too.  I really want to take book and skip her but that would have been rude right?  So I held my tounge.  Again being the better person.

holliberri

As long as you aren't taking the bait, just consider the source. I an sorry she doesnt seem too respect you.