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Starting a Family...

Started by swp0710, May 05, 2011, 02:37:30 PM

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AnonymousDIL

Quote from: SassyDI on May 05, 2011, 05:25:08 PM
I don't know how I would take silence but she asked if you were still going to try.  Thats good sign to me at least.

With DH SCI(Spinal cord injury) we had to do IVF or adopt.  Dumb me told GMIL all about while helping her babysit DH's little cousin was was in town.  DH and ran to get subway and I told her how we were starting to look into it.  She told me that IVF was wrong in the eyes of the Catholic church that it went against my DH religous beliefs.  And that she knew a woman who couldn't have children so she made baby clothes and that I should use my daycare job as a way to have children.  I was floored and hurt. 

When we finally got pregnant with DD he called his Grandma and told her and she told him he needed to go to confession because what he did was a sin.  I told DH if he even thought about it I was walking out the door.  And I told him I would tell her off if she said it to me.  She never agian spoke of it.  SHe loves DD but it still boths me a little how she reacted. 

This same woman freaked out over my ultrasound picture but thats a whole different subjuect lol.

I'm so sorry she took this attitude with you. She is a very "classic" Catholic. It is true that the Catholic church does view any "unnatural" (Don't know that is the right term) pregnancy as "wrong." They also view any form of contraception (BC Pills, Condoms, could list a few more lol) as a sin as well.

But, God loves ALL children no matter how they came into this world. I'm sure this hurts you very deeply, but try to let it go. She is only human.  :-\

SassyDI

Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 06, 2011, 05:20:47 AM
Quote from: SassyDI on May 05, 2011, 05:25:08 PM
I don't know how I would take silence but she asked if you were still going to try.  Thats good sign to me at least.

With DH SCI(Spinal cord injury) we had to do IVF or adopt.  Dumb me told GMIL all about while helping her babysit DH's little cousin was was in town.  DH and ran to get subway and I told her how we were starting to look into it.  She told me that IVF was wrong in the eyes of the Catholic church that it went against my DH religous beliefs.  And that she knew a woman who couldn't have children so she made baby clothes and that I should use my daycare job as a way to have children.  I was floored and hurt. 

When we finally got pregnant with DD he called his Grandma and told her and she told him he needed to go to confession because what he did was a sin.  I told DH if he even thought about it I was walking out the door.  And I told him I would tell her off if she said it to me.  She never agian spoke of it.  SHe loves DD but it still boths me a little how she reacted. 

This same woman freaked out over my ultrasound picture but thats a whole different subjuect lol.

I'm so sorry she took this attitude with you. She is a very "classic" Catholic. It is true that the Catholic church does view any "unnatural" (Don't know that is the right term) pregnancy as "wrong." They also view any form of contraception (BC Pills, Condoms, could list a few more lol) as a sin as well.

But, God loves ALL children no matter how they came into this world. I'm sure this hurts you very deeply, but try to let it go. She is only human.  :-\

One thing I didn't mention in here is if you read this you will notice she did not mention adoption.  I get most Catholics are against IVF but they are not against adoption.  This is only my thinking but I wonder if she didn't bring up adoption because of DH's SCI.

holliberri

My MIL is very religious, also against adoption. She thinks it is beter to have your own. She thinks I am wrecking my family by adding a stranger to it. So the religion has little to do with it, for whatever reason. And...so does logic, unfortunately.

SassyDI

People act crazy and controlling over wedding.  Drives me nuts.  We had so much craziness.  We didn't do Communion because GMIL would have gotten angry that I did it because I am not Catholic.  I took it at my friends wedding and they got mad at me.  I was the maid of honor he offered and I took it not knowing what to do.(I was a young 21 now I would probably just crossed my arms but never had to deal with it back then) 

SassyDI

Quote from: SassyDI on May 06, 2011, 07:36:12 AM
People act crazy and controlling over wedding.  Drives me nuts.  We had so much craziness.  We didn't do Communion because GMIL would have gotten angry that I did it because I am not Catholic.  I took it at my friends wedding and they got mad at me.  I was the maid of honor he offered and I took it not knowing what to do.(I was a young 21 now I would probably just crossed my arms but never had to deal with it back then)

Some how got in the wrong thread opps.

AnonymousDIL

Quote from: Holly on May 06, 2011, 07:31:22 AM
My MIL is very religious, also against adoption. She thinks it is beter to have your own. She thinks I am wrecking my family by adding a stranger to it. So the religion has little to do with it, for whatever reason. And...so does logic, unfortunately.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Holly. It makes me sad when people can't be accepting of children. My mom was adopted and loved by every member of her family (Plus she recently met her biological family and they all love her too!). My side of the family is very accepting. We have some "adopted" family members who show up to our get togethers that have never been related to us in any way. They just liked us and latched on.  :)

It is hard for me to understand such "dislike." Especially aimed at an innocent child.  :'(

Sassy

QuoteYou know, people who are not infertile don't talk about their methods for planning, I'm not sure why so many people expect infertile couples to explain themselves.

This is very true.  Unless one is confident someone else would want to hear details about one's participation in the traditional reproductive method, it's probably safest to assume that same someone would also be challenged about how to best react when hearing details about one's participation in other family planning methods. 

AnonymousDIL

Quote from: Sassy on May 09, 2011, 09:26:55 AM
QuoteYou know, people who are not infertile don't talk about their methods for planning, I'm not sure why so many people expect infertile couples to explain themselves.

This is very true.  Unless one is confident someone else would want to hear details about one's participation in the traditional reproductive method, it's probably safest to assume that same someone would also be challenged about how to best react when hearing details about one's participation in other family planning methods.

Maybe it is simply because they don't understand or know what all options are out there? If you think about it, most of these methods are still fairly "new." Just one generation ago, most of them weren't available.

Pooh

I think I am going with that she probably holds an opinion that doctors can be wrong.  Maybe she didn't say it right, but I truly wouldn't think what she said was her trying to be offensive.  I remember my Grandma telling me about a cousin of hers that was told by everyone that she couldn't have children, and she ended up getting pregnant.  So maybe MIL has heard those stories too and just doesn't fully comprehend your situation.  Since from your post I gathered that everything else went well, I think I would give her the benefit of the doubt for now.

Hang in there MN and welcome.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Sun_is_still_shining

Awww.. My heart goes out to you SWP. It's tough to have to deal with insensitive people but I don't think she realized how upsetting she was being. Like it was said earlier some people who have never been through such a situation, have a hard time relating. I would take it as she's not someone to keep very informed on the current ongoings of your journey to parenthood.

On a side bar.. OMG HOLLY! I can't believe you still talk to your MIL! You are such a strong person to allow her to still be part of your family after that. How uncouth.