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Is there a way?

Started by 1Glitterati, May 03, 2011, 04:33:20 pm

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That when someone violates a board rule that they can be contacted in their email rather than the dress down, no matter how gently, being posted for the world to see?


I was going to bring that up in Sundays chat.  I don't know if there is a way but I will ask and see if we can explore some options.

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift


May 03, 2011, 06:14:51 pm #2 Last Edit: May 04, 2011, 08:47:10 am by luise.volta
Thanks, G. No there isn't. Kirk has everyone's email address but they are confidential. My position has always been that those who ignore the Agreement, (or never even read it,) have brought it on themselves by not being willing to be responsible. This is an adult site.

It is done softly at times and there is no real dressing down. But at other times, women land here with both guns blazing and start shooting everyone in sight.

It seems reasonable when a new person doesn't honor us by reading the agreement, or complying, that we ask her to do so before she posts further...except to ask any questions, should it be unclear.

The statistics, according to Kirk, regarding how many forums start out and never get off the ground are astounding. The prime reasons for failure are lack of structure, ethics and consistency.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Glitter... I will make the suggestion to Luise and her ladies that if someone does have their preference set to "allow users to email me" then that may be a nice alternative thus saving some of the public dress downs. 

Sometimes the issues are not based on posters being unwilling to be mature adults, as it is possible that words could be misunderstood or taken in a multitude of ways by different posters. I understand exactly why you are making this request Glitter and will continue to support an means that works for all involved.


I personally don't have any intention of "dressing someone down", but just a gentle reminder about the rules.  If someone continues after being encouraged to follow the rules then that will require a more stern warning and then go from there.  New people, I think will need a learning curve, and our members that have been around awhile, will slip up every now and then (I know I have). 

I personally perfer to do the gentle reminders here, so that others can be reminded too when they read it.  It's not personal. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


One woman's gentle reminder is another's dressing down, as I found out. We never know in what emotional state a poster may be and how our seemingly benign comments will be taken. I really thought I was being as gentle as one could be, but it wasn't received that way. I wish we could serve milk and cookies as needed!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


Thank you all for the feedback.

For now anyway, I've had it and just don't want to do this here anymore.


Glitter I do hope you will stay. I have always appreciated your input.


Hi there Glitter.. your decision is fully respected.  Your email address was not set to where other members could contact you... if you ever want to chat feel free to email me the address is  .. please note this is my throw away address thus the wwu.. I am not a moderator for any part of the forum.  Hope you have a good day.. will miss your input.


G., you've been here a long time and are an old friend. I may be really thick-headed, but what can't you do any more here? Is this about the new member who hit the Board and immediately tried to take another member apart?

The number of posts about getting members to follow the rules are a very small percentage of the content here because a very small percentage of the comments are negative toward other members.
There's a reason for that.

Conversely, there have been people who wrote their first and last post simultaneously because in some cases, I stopped them before they were ever read. WWU isn't for everyone and everyone isn't a fit. We vent here and we need to be able to do that but we don't focus and condone venting in an attack mode. There are some pretty violent, harsh, mean and hateful forums out there. For some, that's a fit.

No matter what kind of a space a new person is in, she is expected to be a responsible adult. My definition of that is outlined my the Agreement. We have to have one...we couldn't operate without one. We don't counsel and there are those who need counseling before then can function in a group.

That's what we are protecting...the group and the group's sense of safety. We are open here and often vulnerable. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


But at other times, women land here with both guns blazing and start shooting everyone in sight. (By; Luise)

Luise, I love how you word things! To the point with class and a touch of humor. My Father used to tell us when we were young that most of the time it isn't *What* one say. But *How* one says it! And I think you are a shinning example of that.

I agree by the way with all that you said, I personally just love this site. I've been made to feel like I belong in just a short while. I've always been shown that the world doesn't have to be ending for it to be okay when you're concerned. That those concerns matter too. The group of women that has been kind to me here are just amazing!!
I would like to ask what I'm sure to some will be a *silly* question. What does it mean when you "dress down" someone? Thanks!


Oooh! Oooh! I know this one.... :-)

To "dress down" someone is to point out their mistake/flaw so that they are aware of it. It is usually done with the intent of making the person embarrassed or ashamed. "Dress Down" was coined because it represented basically taking off the persons clothes and exposing them. :-)


Very good Adil.. you get to move to the head of the class :)


Thank you Kennedy: I sent that kudo on to  Kirk!  :D

Simple "correction" (as opposed to what is seen as a "dressing down") is often called constructive criticism. It can be seen as a "dressing down" by someone who is overly sensitive and/or doesn't want to hear it. In this venue, WWU, we try really hard not to be unkind but at the same time not to walk on egg shells with someone who isn't posting responsibly and/or isn't listening.

The simple premise is that the Modified Agreement is there for one and all to read and either accept or reject. It isn't up for discussion, it isn't there to be ignored and it isn't selective. To my way of thinking, in an adult setting, it speaks for itself and the Moderators shouldn't have to enforce it. When they do, it's "for the good of the order" and no matter how it's presented, is the last word. Those who don't want to be publicly corrected aren't asked to critique how it was/is done. They have the option to fit in.

Sending love to one and all...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


So adil.. you've mentioned before your love of all things 'words' :)  Do you feel that this came from  being home schooled?  I'm assuming that it was your mom that guided you, or were you more involved in the home school groups?