FDIL said she won.

[holliberri]

The letter has nothing to do with whether or not he does the responsible thing..if I were you, I'd be worried about other drivers. People wind up in court over the silliest things, and I'd be afraid of someone my child got into an accident with (thinking the worst here, hoping it doesn't happen), would drag me into court for negligence for dropping him from my insurance without telling him (meaning, nothing in writing). I wouldn't need that aggravation. It has nothing to do with him really, it has to do with protecting yourself. I don't think it'd be too far fetched for your son to just say he never knew he was going to be dropped, no matter how many times he was told. 

Is that unlikely? Yep. But, I've read court cases where it has happened...it'd be a bunch of extra grief I wouldn't need, no matter how successful my case would be in the end.

[Keys Girl]

themuffin, I would check with my lawyer and insurance company to make sure that you aren't held for any possible future liabilities regarding your son's knowledge of the insurance issues.  I'm a firm believer in a big paper trail when dealing with people like this, and I wouldn't assume that you might not be liable somehow without getting some advice from a professional.

Better safe than sorry.

[AnonymousDIL]

Excellent Point, Holly!

And being as he is fairly young, he probably doesn't have much if anything of his own for someone suing to go after.

I'd definitely advise the certified letter.... Maybe even certified return receipt.

[themuffin]

Awwww....  I finally get what you are saying.  DS is a big liar.  If busted for driving without insurance he could always say, "Mom and Dad dropped me and didn't tell me!"  Sending him a letter would be more for covering my butt in case DS does something dirty.

LADIES.....I LOVE YOU!!!!  Never crossed my mind until you brought it up!

THANKS!!!

[MoonChild]

Hello Muffin, I am so sorry to hear your state of affairs with your DS and FDIL. It is interesting how a parent's good intentions can actually, in turn, be perceived as an attack or threat of sorts. I am not sure of the chain of events that have played out and in turn gotten your family to the point of a break in your relationship but perhaps some of my experiences can help shed some light on your situation:
I will say that growing up my parents made sure that I had any opportunity that I wanted, they wanted me to be able to succeed in life, as any parent would want for their child. However when I made the decision to put college on hold our relationship became strained. I was so used to having them provide everything for me a place to live, food to eat, my own car, spending money, etc. Now they never took any of this away out right, but they did begin to limit things and they expected me to find a job and begin to pay my own credit card bills. They wanted me to learn the value of the money I was earning and to do this I had to fail, and I am so thankful they let me fall!
When I moved out it was hard for all of us, they didn't want me to leave and I didn't want to leave 'the good life', but I knew that if I didn't get out there on my own I never would and I would never be able to prove to them that I could make it on my own. When I would get into financial trouble I was always too scared to tell my parents for the fear of them being disappointed, or the thought of them thinking 'I told you so'. The only thing worse than an angry parent is a disappointed parent, at least in my mind. It took me over a year to get my finances in order and learn how to handle my money. I had to go through closing my credit cards, paying off my debts, having my phone turned off a couple of times, living without a car, the list of learning experiences goes on and on. Over time though I was able to establish a budget to meet my expenses and needs. 
Sometimes as children, especially spoiled children, when our parents provide everything for us we begin to just expect these things without a question, and then when they begin to take these things away we don't initially realize that they are trying to help us grow. Instead, at least in my experience, we begin to think things like 'why don't they love me anymore, am I not good enough anymore, etc'. In my situation, I was able to accept their decision to stop paying my bills when we all sat down and they verbalized their feelings on the entire situation and gave a clear explanation as to why they were doing this and the ways they would still like to help me to achieve my goals of living on my own, by helping me create a budget. When I began to prove to them that I was serious about everything we agreed to, that is when our relationship began to heal and grow on many new and different levels; now they were seeing that I was taking responsibility for my past, my present and my future. It is hard to see the ones we love fall but to see them climb and learn from their missteps is such a joy for all involved.
Keep the lines of communication open, even when my parents and I were in a rough patch they still made a point of inviting me to dinner every Sunday, for me it was their way of saying 'we love you, we understand that you want to be on your own but we are always here for you and you will always have a spot at the dinner table.' It is easy to cut someone off but it is so much harder to say 'I'm sorry'. Sometimes we have to fall to learn to grow and sometimes we have to let someone go so that they can come back.

[Rose799]

I think there should be another Woodstock.  I'll start making reservations for ydd...   

I don't know your dp's, MoonChild, but I know they must be awfully proud of you!

[MoonChild]

I hope they are. As children, for me anyways, we want nothing more than for our parents to be proud of us and our accomplishments. And hearing those words 'we love you and we are so proud' is the only thing we want to hear. As one who is still trying to overcome my self-imposed pressure to 'be good' I will often doubt myself and become a bit depressed because I feel like I am not living up to my parents' expectations. I wonder if other children create false parental expectations in their own mind too that causes them unnecessary stress? When I vocalize my feelings to my parents they always make a point of assuring me that their only expectations of me are that they want me to be happy in life and then they tell me how proud they are and that they love me. Sometimes it is the simplest things we say that have the most profound impact, good and bad. If we all made a point of telling those we love that we love them and we did so everyday would that put everyone's fears of acceptance at bay and thus we may all have less conflict in our lives?

Wouldn't another Woodstock be wonderful; unfortunately the mainstream 'music' nowadays is a headache and all of the artists we loved from yesterday have almost all left us. And I am not sure if the youth of this new generation even appreciate real music, but that is just my opinion.
I was flabbergasted the other day when I was watching TV and they were doing an interview with a new 'artist' who is about my age (24) and when asked of who her influences were she stated something along the lines of: 'I am really influenced by a guy named Freddy Mercury, he was the lead singer of a band called Queen.' In my mind I was sitting there thinking who on earth needs an explanation as to who Freddy Mercury was?! He launched a music revolution that should have been a one word answer, QUEEN! No explanation needed.

[AnonymousDIL]

Moonchild,

I am very curious. Were you home-schooled by any chance?

[MoonChild]

No home school for me, I did go to a private Catholic school from K-12, the same school my Dad went to<3

[lancaster lady]

Well Radio GaGa to you too Moonchild !

you should write a book for all those young people , when they leave home for the first time !

I did all those things for my daughter you have just described , and you know , she said without me she wouldn't be the
strong individual confident person she is today . that was the best compliment she could ever make ...and of course
I cried !! lol
However , I am still bailing her out sometimes ....so maybe that compliment was her insurance ..lol

[MoonChild]

I would love to write a book about my experiences to share with others, but what I also have realized is that we really do have to make our own mistakes to learn from. We all have different backgrounds and different life experiences and those are what make us unique. How we choose to handle the situations life presents us is what helps us grow and learn who we are and who we want to be. We may not always make the right decision, but if we can recognize and accept our mistakes then we can overcome them the next time we are faced with a similar situation.

[luise.volta]

I often wonder if there are any mistakes...but only "learnings" and redirection. Sending love...

[MoonChild]

Lan when you state that you bail her out are you speaking of financially? For me when it comes to finances, especially now understanding the value of my money and realizing how reckless I had been with my parents' I make a point that if my parents choose to help me financially (only if I ask first) we set up a payment plan that everyone is in agreement to so that way they do not feel like I am still relying on them and I do not feel dependent of them. This was my decision to ask to be able to reimburse them for assistance they have provided.

Luise you are correct, learning experiences and redirection, 'mistake' carries such a bad connotation. Perhaps the language we choose to use when describing situations can be unhealthy in that it may, without us realizing, be turning our simple statements into something else completely all because of the words we choose and how others perceive them.   

[lancaster lady]

Moonchild;
Yes financially , there is always a problem or other cropping up ....moving flats ...etc .
Being a uni student is a long hard slog , and debts do mount up .Now she is a graduate , but not yet in the job she would
like to be .
If it's a large amount then yes , she has to pay me back . Small amounts I let her away with , yes I know I shouldn't
but she is my youngest only DD .Her DB's I'm not so soft with .  That's moms for you , this one's a softie ...!

[MoonChild]

There is nothing wrong with being a softie. We tend to look at being 'soft' as a weakness but for me I think it just means that you have so much love you tend to let it cloud your vision. My parents would tease me that while eating dinner the dogs would always sit next to me because I was a 'sucker' for their cute begging puppy faces, and I would always retort that I was not a sucker I was a LOVER!
I am impressed with your daughter Lan, that takes a lot of time, effort and commitment. I wish her, you and all of the other wonderfully wise women here: hope and love in all of your lives<3