Author Topic: FDIL said she won.  (Read 15204 times)

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Offline themuffin

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #15 on: May 03, 2011, 08:20:23 AM »
Thank you, everyone!  I feel SO MUCH better. 

Thanks for the words of wisdom Holly.  However, I don't see her ever coming around. I think she has mother issues in general.  I think Scoop may be accurate in her opinion of it taking years.  Personally, I've been imagining our death bed reunion, or an reenactment of the last scene of "The Imitation of Life".   ::)  Hmmmm....maybe I am a bit over the top, lol.

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Offline themuffin

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #16 on: May 03, 2011, 08:25:44 AM »


[/quote]

Well, I'm still pretty young and dumb enough to fall for the repeat offenders lol.... They hurt me, leave me, come back, hurt me again, apologize, hurt me again, you get the picture.

My brother finds it nearly impossible to forgive someone and I am just the opposite. I forgive all the time. True, I don't "let go" of stuff when the person doesn't apologize, but Hey, they are only human.  :-\
[/quote]

I admire you for that.  I truly do.  That's a gift and a blessing when one is able to forgive.  I wish I was able to do so.  I wish I knew how to let go and move on because I feel just as punished when I am unable to let go.    I am praying for the gift to be able to forgive and move on.  Don't get me wrong, I have forgiven many trespasses.  But there are some that attack my very soul and sadly, this feels like one of them.

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AnonymousDIL

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #17 on: May 03, 2011, 08:29:47 AM »
That's a gift and a blessing when one is able to forgive. 

It's also a curse lol... it leads to the never ending cycle of happiness followed by pain....  :-\

Offline Pen

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #18 on: May 03, 2011, 08:36:14 AM »
Muffin, I'm glad you're feeling better. When DS decides you're not evil and makes moves to reconcile, try not to go overboard even if your heart is bursting with all the pent up love and affection you've not been able to express. IMHO, you could scare him away if you're too enthusiastic. Think "skittish colt." Make slow, careful movements towards him only after he's made a move towards you.

That mani-pedi idea of Laurie's works wonders for me, too, but it could be anything that gives you confidence and brings peace to your troubled mind...so what are going to do for yourself today?

RE: forgiveness, it's the most difficult thing for me. I struggle daily. The old saying, “Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison
and expecting the other person to die,“ is true IMHO. I just get all caught up in my need for justice although I'm improving (slowly.)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline pam1

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #19 on: May 03, 2011, 08:37:33 AM »
That's a gift and a blessing when one is able to forgive. 

It's also a curse lol... it leads to the never ending cycle of happiness followed by pain....  :-\

Awww ADIL, sometimes I think you're a younger me.  I can't hold a grudge, it's impossible for me, no matter how much I want too. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline tryingmybest

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #20 on: May 03, 2011, 08:41:52 AM »
It sounds like your future DIL is really coming from a place of fear. I really still think that's at the heart of these conflicts. If DIL is afraid of being abandoned by her DH one way to head that off is to make sure she's the only one left in his life. If he's cut everyone else off, where's he going to go? And probably wacky Mil's  are dealing with the same fear of abandonment. I'd just love to see all women at every age coming from a place of confidence and support for each other as women. Oh well we can dream.

overwhelmed123

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #21 on: May 03, 2011, 08:48:14 AM »
Just remember- you can forgive someone for their actions toward you without forgetting how much they have hurt you.  There are different types of forgiveness.  There are people I will probably never speak to again, not because I haven't forgiven them, but simply because I remember how much they have hurt me and I don't care to make myself vulnerable to them anymore.  But my heart is clear of any ill will toward them.  Perhaps you will get to that point- and if you do, don't be hard on yourself.  We are only human.  There comes a point where self preservation kicks in, even if we forgive the past in our hearts.

AnonymousDIL

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #22 on: May 03, 2011, 08:49:21 AM »
That's a gift and a blessing when one is able to forgive. 

It's also a curse lol... it leads to the never ending cycle of happiness followed by pain....  :-\

Awww ADIL, sometimes I think you're a younger me.  I can't hold a grudge, it's impossible for me, no matter how much I want too.

It's funny, the only "grudge" I carry is for an old college classmate of mine. She always stole my homework, and I told her I thought she didn't like me for me and could we just leave the homework out of it. Well, she somehow made me into the bad guy for that and never spoke to me again. It makes me soooo sad to have lost such a good friend over something so silly. Sooooo I guess I hold a grudge for her not "forgiving" me, even though I didn't need forgiveness to begin with. People are too complicated! I'm going to live on an island with my dog! lol

AnonymousDIL

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #23 on: May 03, 2011, 08:50:01 AM »
Excellent point OW!

overwhelmed123

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #24 on: May 03, 2011, 08:52:34 AM »
I meant to also add, these 2 people sound like they have a lot of things going on.  Your son, being a compulsive liar for unknown reasons; and your FDIL who you have admitted has some family/mother problems of her own.  They are responsible for their own actions, but remember you are dealing with two people who very well could have some sort of undiagnosed problems.  Don't know if it's any consolation, but when I'm dealing with these types of people, I find it helps me to remember- their problems are about them.  Not me.  Doesn't mean I open myself up to getting hurt again, but it helps me resist asking, "what did I do to deserve this?"

Offline pam1

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #25 on: May 03, 2011, 09:11:00 AM »
LOL OW.  I just get to the point where I'm done with someone or something and I don't care.  I have no idea if that is forgiveness or not, I'm told it is indifference. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline pam1

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #26 on: May 03, 2011, 09:12:09 AM »
I meant to say ADIL in my post above.   ???
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline themuffin

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #27 on: May 03, 2011, 09:21:41 AM »
Hey Laurie!!!!

   You make me seem much funnier than I am, lol.  I wish I could be more like hubby.  Each night he comes home and hugs the dog like he never had a first born.  I hope he doesn't start calling Fudge, "Junior".  DS was his namesake.  I was just thinking about the GC threat, and thought, oh well, I'll just get a puppy if I feel needy. 

DITTO ADIL,  OW made an excellent point!  You guys are better than any therapist I could EVER pay for.  Not only have I recieved words of wisdom, humor, understanding, but I got it from so many Wise Women, who truly understand and relate.

ADIL and Pam are going to stay beautiful inside and out for a long time.  Holding grudges and being angry make you sick.  I know.  I can hold a grudge until the end of days.  Oh, and don't let me get a flash back.  It's just like playing a movie in my head.  I can remember things and detail.  Ummmm...Not a gift I assure you!

TMB,  You seem to have the same thoughts about FDIL as I do.  I am so relieved to know that the someone else sees this too.  Too bad DS doesn't. 

THANKS GUYS..  I am a city worker and some claim we don't work.  Well...today that was true.  I've worked about one hour in total so far. LOL

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overwhelmed123

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #28 on: May 03, 2011, 09:23:27 AM »
LOL OW.  I just get to the point where I'm done with someone or something and I don't care.  I have no idea if that is forgiveness or not, I'm told it is indifference.

Haha..well you can't be said to be holding a grudge if you don't care...so...maybe it's both?  :)

AnonymousDIL

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Re: FDIL said she won.
« Reply #29 on: May 03, 2011, 09:28:59 AM »
Indifference.... Ewwww..... It is a 4 letter word IMO..... Why? because it is the lack of emotion. I would rather be hated than treated with indifference because then at least they still, in a way, care...... But, horrible me, I've realized that I am indifferent towards my MIL and her daughter. It was the only way to stop their hatred from ripping me apart, sooooo, maybe it isn't so bad after all?