How Do I Change So It Doesn't Hurt So Bad

[LadyD]

Pen:

I agree with you that not all 20 - 30 year old AC have this same attitude.  My DH and I attended a birthday party this weekend at a relative's home, where there were other family members along with their AC in that age bracket.  These AC are wonderful, loving people towards their parents.  I must admit it was wonderful to see that not all AC are the same, but it also made me feel sad for my situation.  But, I am just going to stay focused on growing the relationship between my DH and making a better life for myself and keeping the Faith.   

[Martinick]

In reading replies, it is amazing how today's children think only of their entitlement, their own needs and that it's okay to harbor total disregard and disrespect for their parents. I hope you are able to make changes to your day-to-day life and find fulfillment. Please consider a small pet, educational classes to attend and enlarging your circle of friends. I did and it has helped ever so much.
 

[Smilesback@u]

Yes, having more time to find more interests in life is a perk of getting old.  Maybe cuz I loved being a Mom and raising a family I feel deserving of time to do something I'd like for change.  Peace

[sesamejane]

I am in a quandry about the holidays too.  My new friends all have family around or are married.  I am going to have to think about this one.  Maybe I will find a place to volunteer this year. 

[Pen]

Jane, I can only think you'd be an asset at any gathering! You'll find your perfect spot. Maybe your house is just the place for a party: a cookie exchange, musicale, wreath-making afternoon w/hot wine/cider, kids holiday crafts, gifts for soldiers wrapping assembly line, food boxes for the needy, or

[Smilesback@u]

Jane, I think changes are seasonal, and this holiday season is a blip on our screens really.  You have a lot going on with your move and settling in.  Will the weather hold up for any biking or sightseeing by car?  I think too much hooplah is made about holidays by media - they are big money makers for retail, and heart breakers when families cannot be together for whatever reason.  Let's change the culture of holidays back to what they were really  meant to be --a break from the hubbub.  How about a nice phone call to special ones and some cards mailed --- then a nice relaxing time?   

[Pooh]

What about making something inexpensive...like construction paper turkeys?  With some string glued to the back, with a note on the back that simply says "Happy Thanksgiving from your neighbor" and walk around town that morning tying them on mailboxes?  Ha ha ha....I think I will do that too just because it sounds fun!  Might do it at Christmas too with little red candycanes....we could turn into the "secret admirer neighbor" that everyone is trying to figure out!  Lol.

Besides, I like playing with glitter and pom-poms 

[Smilesback@u]

Maybe I don't have my energy back from my bad cold.  Sounds fun though

[elizabeth]

Hi Jane,

I've spent quite a few Christmas and Thanksgiving, Easters alone. Some were lonely, most were ok.

I didn't try to fill the gap, sometimes people invited me over for dinner with their families and sometimes I met with friends that also didn't have family to get together with.

I usually get by over holidays by remembering its just 24 hours. People all over the USA are sitting around pretending things aren't bothering them that their inlaws and siblings and parents are doing and saying. They are stuffing their faces with fattening food whereas I can get by with a nice salad or strawberries or something very healthy and the next day I wont' be hungover from all that food like they are. Well, its not so great maybe, this type of thinking, but it has worked for me sometimes.

I  think of my brothers, (who never got it together in their work or financial situation), having to walk on eggshells to make sure they keep their mortgages with Mom and the thousands dollars in a wallet they get as a Christmas gift each year, that they already spent months before on credit cards. I marvel at how well they do that each year, how well they do at making sure Mom believes at least for those few days that she is loved and cared for. I think of the miles they drive to see her and how she will treat them when they get there and how it will degenerate from there until they are besides themselves with how to please her. And how they will have to discipline their kids so forcefully because no child could live up to the commands to not even get a fingerprint on one coffee table before it blows up into a fiasco about childrearing.Then I think of how very very much I love my Mom.

I think about how even though my DF disiherited and disowned me when he died, they can't really take back what they gave me, for example my mother gave me my artistic talent because she is an artist and gave me a start with her leftover oil paints and some brushes and much understanding of design, line and beauty, the beautiful way she kept house and decorated things even on a shoe string when we were young, how she was so pretty when I was a girl, how she sewed for me, how she tried so to teach me to eat right, dress right and to stand up straight. And all the Holiday dinners she made for us all those years.

I also think of my DD and my DGS and wonder what are they doing on Canadian Thanksgiving day, or CHristmas, and that they may be with xhusband and wife2; and then I remember that I don't want tolive in the same town or near x husband. I'm relieved to be far far away because it would make me cry and feel angry to know or see my GS and DD with them and doing the same thing my brothers are doing with DM.

Somehow, my DH managed to find me in this big world and he has been a true friend. But all the years I didn't know DH and have been alone on these days, I learned and affirmed who I am and who these other people are, which is what I get that you have done as well.

I feel like you are a very strong person, just the little I have gotten to know you, with a terrific sense of humour and a solid intellect, I think you will enjoy your holiday very much whatever you do.

Sorry to shift the topic onto myself, again ! I'm all over the place today.

[Smilesback@u]

Elizabeth I love your post.  It reminds me of how one day does not color my world.  It is the daily grind of being in my own skin, finding ways to be cheerful and passing that on to family with peaceful thoughts and sometimes with a smile going out to complete strangers, random kindness to hold a door, pick up dropped change etc.  It also behooves me to know that sometimes we just cannot live up to unrealistic expectations and we just can't make everything better for anyone but ourselves.  That's a 24 hour, 7 days a week job-- well maybe not 24 hour because we do sleep, take care of loved ones and work for a living, some of us.  I just heard someone suggest that they go for a car ride and/or get outdoors for a brisk walk as a pick me up.  Doing for others comes next.  First you love you, and get comfy with who you are.  Love your post - thanks for bringing it home again. 

[sesamejane]

Thanks everybody - as usual there is so much wealth in these posts.  Now it seems I have too much to do come the holidays!! Between gluing and glittering, entertaining, sightseeing, volunteering, and 'secretly' posting...oh my!!  : )))  I want to do it all!

Liz, I loved your post too.  Yes, I had to come to some pretty upsetting at first conclusions about my foo and kids.  I accept it now and like you, am more content with how things have come about. I was likewise banished and disinherited because of family craziness.  Life is not as simple as it is portrayed in the media...not one little bit.  It is lovely getting to know you better.  Wish we were neighbors!

Got a call from my eldest dd who said she wanted to 'stop in' and 'have dinner' just prior to Thanksgiving, and 'by the way will you give me a ride to the airport so I can spend Thanksgiving with dad.'  Do the gifts never end??   Well, my sis is newly relocated near the airport about 2 hours away.  So I telephoned her and asked what she was up to.  I suggested 'Chinese' because frankly, I don't feel like cooking after this move and it sounds like a lot of work for a "stop over...and on the way somewhere else."  So I will be happy to see her and her boyfriend and send them off with love.  It is what it is.

I wonder if I can find the glitter and glue in all this mess?  Won't my new neighbors get a kick out of it?  hee hee....

[Pooh]

It would be a great way to meet some of them!  Wait...wait...what happened to the new neighbor you met? Hmmmm?

[sesamejane]

Oh you mean the one that wanted to share some wine?  Saw him walking down the street hand in hand with a cute little gal...apparently, he met another neighbor   

[Pooh]

Dang!

[sesamejane]

Ya that is what I said... *dang*     but then said to myself.... he's awfully short...