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My three adult children hate me.

Started by BROKENHEARTMOTHER, December 16, 2010, 03:51:54 pm

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Pen

Me1ody, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this sadness and loss. Usually it backfires when one parent sets out to destroy another. Your kids may come around after all, although I do agree that 14 years is a long time. It's good that you are trying to stay positive and can count your blessings. By moving forward you will be ready for a reconciliation or a break, whichever happens. You do deserve a good, peaceful, fulfilling life after all the sorrow and difficult times.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Kennedy

Hi Me1ody, It sounds just horrible what you've had to go through.
I'm fairly new here too. But I've been reading post after post and I have seen how the women who are members here are just amazing!
So kind and understanding!
I think it is horrible when people divorce and use children the way you talked about! It never has made sense to me? Those babies love both of their parents and in my opinion when a parent does that it hurts the person they calm to love.
I think you're very strong and brave. (((HUGS)))

me1ody

I do appreciate the understanding.  All of us seem to share one common link.  My story is long and sad and I am responsible for the break up of my marriage but that did not make me a woman who deserved to live a life without her children or they without me. My husband remarried and his wife assisted in the process of heaping untold misery onto our children.  My husband stood idly by while she was cruel and mean as a step mother. I tried to intervene and was treated with indignation and resentment by my husband.  Their union lasted 10 years until she also did what I had done and found herself another man.  I do not condone what I did or think it was the right thing.  I grew up in the bible belt, dad was a preacher and I knew better so please don't tell me about sin or I made my bed. I have had a lifetime of suffering and it isn't over yet.  When my ex's marriage was over he decided to contact me again and wanted to resume a kind of regular contact.  I was so angry and let him know it which did me no favors.  A few years later and he again wants to contact me and stay in touch via email.  It is the only contact where I can hear about the kids and how their lives are so I am keeping the lines of communication open.  I have lost respect though for a man who allowed a woman to rule his life and make my children suffer because she was cruel and mean to them.  While my ex is alone now I am happily married to an amazing man whom I adore and he does me.  I have known him for 14 years and married to him for 5.  He was not the person I had the affair with.  My children are always in my thoughts and I have begged them for their forgiveness for ruining their lives and screwing up their childhood.  I was 18 when I married and that was only because dad learned that I had become sexually active and he told me and his exact words were, "You have ruined my good family name" and "no man will ever want you so you better marry him".  I grew up in an isolated backward rural area and also grew up without TV for most of my life. TV is a bad influence according to dad. What dad said was gospel and I knew the small community would look down on me or thought they would so I married my ex at the age of 18.  I did not love him and our union was not perfect but I stayed because that is what I was taught to do and had children.  I then did the unthinkable and it is of course my children that have suffered throughout all of this but I have suffered too.  In the end I knew I had to leave because my husband made my life living hell when he learned of my indiscretion and he threatened to kill me. I know I had a breakdown then and even though I told a co worker about the threat I would not go to the Police but she did.  The Police came to me and wanting to protect my stupid husband I said that "no, it was not true" even though I was afraid of going to sleep at night in case I never woke up. I had to get away and did and it was then that my ex got a lawyer and they decided that I needed to be monitored when in the presence of the children and could not be trusted to be alone with them lest I abduct them. I tried to fight this but it was difficult with the limited funds I had and he had the support of an entire family of 12 siblings, his parents and my parents.  My in-laws assisted him financially while my parents had no money but even if they did have they would have supported him because after all I had an affair and was a bad woman. I look now to other posts where I can see I am not alone and I at least can feel a sense of understanding.  My father has sent me letters over the years to tell me that I am going to hell and that I better repent.  I know now my own childhood was screwed up but that is another issue altogether. I have sought counselling over the years.  I went to visit my parents about 7 years ago after Hurricane Katrina had been through and at that time I was not married but "living in sin" and my partner (my current husband) was with me.  I had travelled for over 17 hours to get there and it was late and it was uncertain whether or not there was accommodation in the nearby area that was opened or available and my parents told me that under the circumstances, coexisting without marriage, I was not able to stay under their roof.  I would not have asked anyway and would rather have spent the night in the car than with them but it was the audacity of the comment and I was floored but should not have been, nothing has changed.  I live a long way away and I am glad of that.    I have worked with children over the years as it has been part of my job but was treated in a way a child abuser is treated, unworthy of contact with their own children.  Today is a new day and if I have no expectations then I cannot be disappointed.  I am moving forward, cant change the past, can't control the future but how I react to where I am I do have control over and I will forge ahead. Thank you to all the kind thoughts, it helps to know I am not alone.

Rose799

Quote from: me1ody on April 08, 2011, 02:47:18 pm
Today is a new day and if I have no expectations then I cannot be disappointed.  I am moving forward, cant change the past, can't control the future but how I react to where I am I do have control over and I will forge ahead. Thank you to all the kind thoughts, it helps to know I am not alone.


Today is indeed a new day, Melody...  I'm surprised that having been a preacher, your df didn't also tell you that we all fail & come short of the glory of God.  When our dd came to us 5 years ago, afraid to let us know she was pg, we smiled, told her that we believed in her, and that regardless if she married or not, we would stand by her.  Dd was grateful at the time but has all but kicked me to the curb since.  Life is not easy...   As you stated, we all seem to share this one common link.  Thanks to Luise & all these wonderful wise women, yourself included, we no longer have to go it alone.  Bless you Melody, & thanks for being here~

Rose

me1ody

Thank you Rose, I appreciate your thoughts.

justalone

Hi I read your story..and was so amazed how our lives are so alike...I also had children at a young age quit school in the 8th grade. I went back to school and to college.I have 5 children 3 that do not talk to me. My youngest daughter spit in my face the last time i saw her and that was 6 years ago..but I also have two grown sons that do talk to me.