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What's up with this?

Started by Scoop, April 24, 2011, 08:00:56 pm

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So we got back from a weekend at the IL's and I have a question.

When I was dreading the visit, someone recommended that I bring a big bouquet of flowers.  I liked the idea, so I turned it into me bringing an Easter Bunny cake.  I had DH talk to his M, to make sure it was okay.  I brought the cakes, the icing & the candies and DD, DN, MIL and I put it all together.  I made sure to involve MIL, and at the end, we took pictures of the girls and the cake and another one of the girls, me, MIL and the cake.  I tried, I really tried.

So in the meantime, MIL had ordered an ice-cream cake and ended up with a huge ice-cream cake AND the Easter Bunny cake (and we were only 9 people).  It totally came down to "loyalties", I served up "my" cake (per MIL's directions) and she served up "her" cake.  The kids had the bunny cake and SIL & BIL had some of each.

I guess if we were on a good footing, I wouldn't think anything of it, but as it was between us, I was mad about it.  I think that no smal part of it is that I'm noticing a trend where MIL won't eat food I've made.  I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm dirty.

Conversely, in the sake of fairness, my MIL has no concept of how much food to make for 9 people.  (I shudder to think of the food they must throw away.)  So maybe she didn't think it would be too much?  She didn't send any food home with SIL and we didn't take any either.  (For the record: it was offered for us to bring the 2/3 of the bunny cake back, but it was at the last minute, the car was packed, we were heading out the door.  To me it was a stalling tactic to delay our leaving - as usual.)

So what do you think?  Understandable?  Or rude?


Understandable or rude on your part or hers?


I just left a house this afternoon that had more cakes than that and less people. I had my dad's cheesecake, but I neglected the chocolate cake and the raspberry almond coffee cake. But, my Aunt is a food hog. She makes sure her family is fed with leftovers for a good week.

I think overestimating food is a common mistake. Perhaps she just doesn't plan well? It could just come down to taste or what she felt like having at the time.

Stalling tactics are common, but manageable. MIL likes to put in a batch of brownies 5 minutes before our scheduled departure. Yes, she BAKES our takeaway goodies as we're leaving. Now, DH and I give her a departure time one hour earlier than we intend to leave. In essence, she is losing "psychological" time with us.

Besides, if the food is going to waste, at least your cake isn't, when you worked pretty hard on it and it was a good idea. I hope the rest of the weekend went okay.


 I'd rather over estimate then to ever underestimate when it comes to food.. besides I'll eat leftovers .. especially leftover cake.


Scoop, how old is she?

My MIL does this and it seems to be a depression era type thing.  She also is a food watcher and if she thinks her food isn't being eaten, she will only eat hers. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift


Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Not sure about Easter but over here on your birthday it is customary to have seven different types of goodies, such as cakes, cookies etc.   The kicker is you have to make it yourself  like wassup with that lol. 
As far as the bunny cake, ice cream cake issue, not sure you could conclude that it was an intentional slight towards you. Alot of people don't really think of ice cream cake as cake persay so maybe she felt yours was the cake and hers was the ice cream which would offer an alternative or an addition to it.

As far as offering the bunny cake to take home, maybe she felt that kids would enjoy having the bunny cake to take home and perhaps didn't think of it until last minute. 


Sheen, where are you from? I totally like the 7 kinds of goodies thing (although I aggree wassup with making them yourself! lol)

Keys Girl

Scoop, go with the original advice and bring flowers the next time.
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown


I made enought homemade mac & cheese to feed a family of ten for weeks.  There were only 5 adults here.  Everyone went home with mac & cheese, ham and green beans!   There's no competition when we have family get to gethers, etc.  Everyone brings whatever and I always take a cheese dip/chips, at least one veggie, a dessert, and usually some kind of bread. 


If you're not sure you were treated rudely, and you have to wonder if you "should" be offended, then no reason to choose to be unhappy.

For perspective, I served 3 different desserts at my Easter dinner for 6.  I like that people could choose, or have more than one treat.  Have you considered that MIL simply wanted to eat ice cream instead of cake. 

If the worst thing about your visit is that MIL didn't eat what you wanted her to, or that she served more than one dessert,  or that the thought struck her as you were leaving that that your children might enjoy leftover bunny cake more than she would... it sounds like you had a wonderful visit.  Appreciate the good stuff.

Next time, you can avoid the feelings of possible rejection by bringing flowers. 


IMHO it could be any of those things from poor planning, to wanting to make sure there was enough, to being an intentional slight. But really, what does it matter? If it was intentionally done to hurt you, and you decide to be hurt and angry about it, you're ruining your day not hers. If you choose to turn it into a funny moment of hostessy (is that a word?) concern with having enough dessert then she appears to be worrying for nothing or overly concerned with dessert, IYKWIM (oink.)

I understand how hard you worked on the bunny cake and feel you should have been allowed to bask in your glory, I really do. Don't let anyone take away your pride in your accomplishment! It sounds as if your cake was the hit, actually...

Here's how she could have handled it if she was really concerned that your offering wouldn't be sufficient: She could have stashed her cake in a cooler or spare freezer in the garage (or bought a non-perishable one) and waited to see if yours showed up. I've done that with my DF & SM who sometimes insist on bringing something like the main dish or dessert and then "forget."
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb



Originally from Ny but have lived six hours north of Stockholm, Sweden for the last 9 years.


Well, then let it be known that The Swedes are the most awesome people on the planet!


ahhh Pen.. the old, look what I happen to have :)

All I know is we didn't have any dessert last night.. a piece of that bunny cake would have been greatly appreciated here at my house.