Personal Messaging and WWU Etiquette

[luise.volta]

As of now, I am banning any references on our Boards to Personal Messages. If any of you ever sees a reference to a Personal Message in a post, even if benign, please let me know and I will delete it. I have no control at all over the quality of interactions that occur off the Boards and am not willing to continue to have to deal with the repercussions here. I don't like the feature and never have because there are those who misuse it on a regular basis. Somehow I am held responsible most of the time because it's part of my site. Members have used it to bash each other and me and to start wars. It was intended to foster friendships beyond WWU by allowing people to exchange personal information like email addresses and to share confidences, not backstabbing.

If you don't like a Personal Message, IGNORE IT! The person will stop if you don't respond. An argument takes two. Consider it SPAM. You don't respond to that, do you? Do not...I repeat...do not report it to me via Personal Message or on WWU via a post.

I monitor my board as you all know and you are responsible for reading and agreeing to the Modified Agreement on the Home Page under Read Me First. If you don't find it to your liking, it's not up for discussion. Move on. It's my board and it takes me several hours every day to manage. It cost an arm and a leg to build and another arm and a leg to maintain (donated by my son, Kirk.) It was created for adults; to support each other, to be heard and understood, often to reach a better understanding by sharing and it has brought amazing healing to those who were ready. I have literally hundreds of testimonies to that effect.

Disagreement is natural and necessary. We can learn a lot by listening to other views. Controversy can be done with courtesy and respect. I have, however, zero tolerance for rude and crude and I am the one who defines what fits that description. We can vent here but not attack. There's a huge difference.

Anyone can build, monitor and maintain a Web-forum. If you don't like what you find here, have at it.

[Rose799]

It was intended to foster friendships beyond WWU by allowing people to exchange personal information like email addresses and to share confidences, not backstabbing.

Thank you, Luise, as I am one who has greatly benefited from it.  I really wish there was a better solution than taking down the PM option altogether.  But I also understand the position it's put you in.  I'm sorry...

[luise.volta]

Thanks, Rose. Maybe if enough members read this and comply, we can leave it up. Sending love...

[LaurieS]

I feel that it may have been a case of unfortunate timing with the Sassy vs Sassydi issue.  The problem (only as I see it) is when you have someone shifting between the pm/board you are only taking their word about what another member, felt, said, or attempted to convey.  Of course the person posting/repeating can  only do so from their point of view... that is why I for one feel that pm's should always be kept in the private mode.... Now there has to be a way if someone is just really over the top ugly to report this to be reviewed.  Or when it becomes obvious that the pm's are no longer being used as a mens of conversation and instead to wage a war, then yes at times offenses may have to be dealt with... Expulsion of a member for these reasons will of course be handled by the forum moderator.

I personally would like to see the pm/system remain intact... I'd like to think that more good has come from it then evil and I believe that the system can and will work if given a chance in the future.  A good example was the birthday surprise for Luise.. this was pm coming together for all the right reasons.  I know that I've walked many a member through forum how-to's instead of bogging down the board... I'm sure many others have as well.

With a pm system in place.. people can be 'guided' at times if they are struggling with the forum.. this can be done behind the scenes and then the person in question is not called out and publicly reprimanded which of course typically only leads to hurt, humiliation and then defiance. 

While I guess starting a posting with "I got a PM" is equivalent to "I got a blistering e-mail".. it hits home more personally because the person on the other side of the e-mail is a stranger to us to where the pm is one of us.  In the case of the Sassy's.. could the apology not have come without all the background pm digs that were involved?

Again I'd like to see the pm system stay intact and occasionally a posting or two will needed to be moderated or removed.. but heck I was just modified today by Luise and I didn't even say PM in my posting   Matter of fact I didn't even say a bad word   But I'm here and will go along with whatever is decided.

[Tara]

Good points Laurie. 

I would like it if the  pm could stay, but only if it works for Luise, as she has mentioned that  just the boards alone  is alot to handle.

She did say this week that she  had something in the works, maybe it will be related to reducing her work load or sharing it.

[holliberri]

I do wish PM would stay. The e-mail isn't as convenient, and I do worry that I might get a bad e-mail from a spamme/troll/fictitious poster. That would be harder to handle than just the PM box here.

Also, I would prefer, for the most part to keep my WWU world separate from my private world.

I don't think a lot of us have abused it. But, unfortunately, if we shut down things due to abuse, we probably wouldn't have a site at all.

[luise.volta]

Can you guys believe that I got two more wimpy, whiny, "She said ___blah, blah, blah___" Personal Messages this afternoon? It's like I wrote the above in Sanskrit!

[pam1]

Luise, is there anyway to get another moderator on here?  Someone to take a little bit of the load and can grab the wimpy PM's before they hit you? 

[holliberri]

New rule! Luise gets to post PMs

just kidding.

 what if your PMs were disabled and if people wanted to complain they could  click the link report to a moderator? It might make people consider their.complaints more seriously before they bother.

[Tara]

Hi Luise,

I can see where people would want to complain to you.  We know you...and care about you and you care about us, today
I felt like PMing you too  LOL.  but I didn't, as I remembered that you dont want us to, so I did what you said:  "If you
don't like a post, go on to the next".  and just dropped it.

Maybe old habits are hard to change and you might have to remind us a few times.

Sorry about that.  You've created a wonderful site here, and there is a tremendous diversity of people which is a strength
and possibly the challenge too?  thank you dear Luise

Sending Love....

[luise.volta]

They did click "Report to Moderator"which sent them Kirk because that's how the software works. He ignores them because he's our techie-guy and forwards them to me. I am sinking fast...

[Tara]

Are you working on getting someone else to help you as a moderator?

[holliberri]

I think an anonymous moderator that doesn't have the relationship with you on, here and is not affiliated with wwu as an active member may work.

[pam1]

I would be concerned that old members that haven't posted in a while with the combination of new members every day (the board seems to be hopping lately) that the PM's won't stop. 

Or perhaps there is a way to put a stickied thread in every forum?  I've seen that done on here but only by accident lol

Maybe in big capital letters READ FIRST, in every forum of the board.

[Rose799]

They did click "Report to Moderator"which sent them Kirk because that's how the software works. He ignores them because he's our techie-guy and forwards them to me. I am sinking fast...

Well I hope you had a wonderful time out with the girls...  You need a way to bounce those messages back, stamped "Shamie on You!"