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Personal Messaging and WWU Etiquette

Started by luise.volta, April 23, 2011, 08:18:20 am

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LaurieS

Quote from: luise.volta on April 23, 2011, 05:51:03 pm
Can you guys believe that I got two more wimpy, whiny, "She said ___blah, blah, blah___" Personal Messages this afternoon? It's like I wrote the above in Sanskrit!


Wasn't me :)  I think being able to contact Luise, or anyone with authority to report an issue would be greatly beneficial for the sake of the forum.  Luise can you just glance at them and see if they have merit before taking your time and effort to alleviate any issue?  You can use the same 'ignore' button that we have :)  Mine was malfunctioning .. think I got it fixed.

luise.volta

Bless your hearts for giving a rip. And for turning over a new leaf... :-)

I am very close to deleting anyone who sends me any kind of critical, negative, complaining PM and/or anything of the kind via "Report to Moderator", (which comes to me, also.) In addition, anyone who uses my Forum to criticize others is going to be deleted, if I am forced to go on a "deletion-tear."

We all speak, express, describe, and present differently. "Take what you want and leave the rest" is the only solution I can think of and those who aren't interested in doing that are just going to have to move on or be deleted. I feel that additional moderators might muddy it up further because we would all do it differently and I would be moderating moderators. I tell you, that would be curtains for me. (Any more mud.) In the meantime, I'm going to close any thread I feel I can't manage.

I have always enforced the use of four-letter words, open baiting and bashing , prejudice, etc. (all of the stuff in my Modified Agreement) to the best of my ability but this is more subtle and IMHO more lethal. I am not going to moderate, critique or attempt to "police" phraseology and/or hand out scripts.

If WWU ends up with only a dozen members who are willing to work at this respectfully and with some degree of maturity...that's close to being OK with me. I was overwhelmed a week ago and found there are those who still value WWU. I closed down the PMs and found there are those who value each other.

I once owned and operated a nursery school and it was a piece of cake compared to this. The first year here was so easy that I wasn't smart enough to get down on my knees every night and thank the tooth-fairy. I thought that was how it should be. (Actually I still think that...silly me...)

Please always try to remember I am learning, too. I can't offer perfection and I have never asked for it.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

luise.volta

Professional, as in trained and experienced moderators...cost $100. an hour and up. I checked into that.

I just feel like I have to simplify. How, I'm not sure...but to survive I have to.

I'm going to bed.

And I'm sending love...thank you again, for caring.



Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Kennedy

Ms. Luise, I know I'm new around here and  just getting started.
With that said, One of the 1st things I noticed after joining this site is the up most respect the ladies all have for you! And I believe you are truly a wonderful caring person to do all this work trying only to help others! It saddens me  that some are trying to cause you problems.
I don't know about all the PM's you and the other ladies are speaking of but I am sorry for the stress it is easy to tell that its causing you! I'll be including you in my prayers.

So far every person I've dealt with here has been very helpful and uplifting toward me. I realize that I look forward to my time spent here!
I was worried at first that I would be made a joke of because of my worries. But that sure wasn't the case and I'm grateful to you all! I refuse to argue with anyone I know let alone people on-line! I'm a let's agree to disagree if need be person and let it go. So please let me know if there is anything that I can do that will help you in any way. God Bless!

lancaster lady

Luise :
I used to run a nursery too .
You are right , all problems were cured with a kiss and a hug . If only ....!!

holliberri

Luise, do you have a friend (away from WWU) that might volunteer their time to do this?

Pen

My feeling is that there may be a troll or two taking advantage of the situation in hopes of bringing this site down. Let's not feed the trolls!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Tara

Luise,

this may not be appropraite in your view, but there is another mil site that I noticed deletes any posting they feel is
inappropriate, even it is a alittle off topic. 

holliberri

I think Tara's point is key here.

I believe that the posts are deleted when *the moderator* feels it is a little off topic. I can think of exactly TWO instances where I wanted Luise to step in to defend me/show that posters who is boss/bring the fever down a notch.

I waited, I bid my time and Luise took care of it. She saw the exact same thing that I did. She doesn't miss a trick. She either removes inflammatory things or nicely tells the poster to change their approach. I never had to PM her at all. She knows how to moderate this board without people telling her to do it...and the more rules we add, the more difficult her job is going to become.

FAFE

Ha!  I love it here.  Have never sent nor recieved a PM here.  I would be lost without this site.  Luise, thank you for all you do for us. 

LaurieS

Like everything in life.. something good can be made to look bad and vice versa .... I just noticed that I always refer to the PM as the PM system which looks a lot like PMS :) just my observation that has nothing to do with anything.

LaurieS

Quote from: luise.volta on April 23, 2011, 05:51:03 pm
Can you guys believe that I got two more wimpy, whiny, "She said ___blah, blah, blah___" Personal Messages this afternoon? It's like I wrote the above in Sanskrit!


Well yes I could after I looked up the meaning of Sanskrit :) 

luise.volta

Thanks so much for your suggestions, caring and troll-patrol. I feel loved, supported and encouraged. :)

Thinking...thinking...

What I have learned, thus far, is that when I crashed a year ago after putting Val into nursing and again recently when "Me, Too" died...there were those who cared and tried to help...and there were those who took advantage of it and made things worse. I also learned that deleting a few trouble makers to restore peace isn't effective. (It has to be done on a regular basis but it is not the core issue.) The core issue, I believe, is that WWU is now two years old and has grown to where it's a force to be reckoned with. That is probably a sign of success. Hummm....

First of all, I see four viable options. 1. I could sell WWU for what it has cost Kirk time-wise to build and maintain it, (so I could pay him back.) I think that's around $5,000. One person or several could buy it. 2. I could cut my/our losses and just step away and let it go wherever it may go...a ship without a rudder. 3. I could shut it down and face the loss. 4. I could reorganize it in some manner and continue to keep on keepin' on to the best of my ability.

Considering option 4.: If I do that, have asked Laurie to think about taking on the Newbies. I think it's the most important position that needs to be created. Too many are getting off on the wrong foot. I don't know what that would entail. The first plan I outlined to her was full of holes. She would probably need a team. The truth is people often don't read "Read Me First" or the "Modified Agreement." They often post without ever taking a look at who we are and what we do by first reading our threads for a while. I get a notification when a new person joins and I could forward that to Laurie once she has a plan. We get an average of seven a day but, as I said, they aren't all "posters." I think that most of the "Newbie-mom" work would be via PMs.

Note: There are, of course, lots of members who only read our threads on WWU and never post..but that's not an issue. Surprisingly, I hear from them from time to time, regarding how we have helped turn their lives around. We get an average of seven a day but, as I said, they aren't all "posters."

If we keep the PM option open, I think we need a PM Guru. It's invisible but it has cost us dearly. When a member gets a hostile, negative, critical, back stabbing, patronizing PM or one inciting descent and/or choosing up sides, (what have i missed?)...she would forward it to the PM Guru and the PM Guru would deal with it. The recipient would drop out of the loop and not be involved, so no triangulation could occur...as in "I said/she said." Anyone sending a nasty PM would know that it would end up at the PM Guru's doorstep and that might cut down the volume of covert attacks. (Here's hoping.) The PM Guru would recommend membership  deletion to me when she saw it as indicated. The Category Monitors, (described below,) would do the same thing if they recieved PMs that weren't respectful and so would the Newbie-mom team. I would also forward any negative PMs coming to me on to the PM Guru. The PM Guru would have to be patient, strong, diplomatic and loving. I think her job would be hard at first but would lessen as time went on and everyone learned how the system worked.

Then, I think we need five Category Monitors. 

1. DILs and/or SILs

2. Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters

3. Grandchildren    DIL's or SIL's Parents (Two categories for one Monitor)   

4. Grab Bag

5. The Five Remaining Categories under "General" and "Resources"

We'd need a Category Monitor job description, too. And anything we set up would have to be redone when we found out what worked and what didn't regarding all of these jobs. The Monitors, like the Newbie-mom and the PM Guru would be "known." They would have the authority to direct and correct and when that didn't work...to recommend membership deletion to me. They would use the PM system as often as possible, so as not to publicly embarrass those they needed to work with. They would also have the power to require posters to forward posts to them first for approval in extreme situations until the member got their OK to proceed online. Everyone would know who the monitor was in each category and if one got to be "a big fish in a small pond" (that happens,) she would be replaced with someone with a longer fuse and/or greater people skills. The Monitors would also let me know if they felt an initial post needed to be removed.

My job would be to be there to support those who support me and to post...at will. Kirk's job would remain our techie...and the full cost would continue to be on us.

This, too, is probably "full of holes." Let me know what you think and if any "opening" appeals to you, of course please feel free...

Sending love...

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

pam1

Luise, I've got a ton of free time coming up so I can do whatever you want me to do, if you want me to do it.  lol

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

lancaster lady

Dear Luise :

It would be such a shame to lose this forum , but I can understand how much stress it is causing you , and that is not good .
I hope the long standing members will rush to your aid and hope this solution works .
With you at the helm I'm sure it can work .