Need the Wisdom

[SassyDI]

SassyDI (got it right!), re:  "Its because we are trying to tell you how your DIL  might just be feeling.  Just trying to get you to see it from the other side."  Yes, got it and appreciate it.  However, experience is the best teacher, and while you are a DIL, every MIL here has been a DIL.  Just remember that we've been there.  Trust me, I had my own issues with my MIL.   I know what it's like to give birth, stay home with your infant, then have to go back to work.  I know the clashes that come with how you want to raise your child and how parents want to babysit.  We have some years of dealing with all this.

What you bring to the table is the perspective of the new generation, and we appreciate that.  A lot of us (me) are very old-fashioned regarding manners and courtesy and it's been an eye opener for what now passes for acceptable.  I don't know if some of this is the new generation or if it's just my DIL.  That's why I come here to scream, rant, rave and carry on.  That way, when I deal with DIL face to face, I feel like I'm prepared with some insight.

Oh, and funny story.  Turns out DS was not feeling well, went home early.  Found tv on in the living room and DIL feeding baby in the nursery.  He's like, "Uh, the tv is on."  "Oh, I know, I was watching it when baby woke up, I just ran in here, got busy and never got back out to the living room to shut it off.  She can't hear it from here." DIL replied.  Noting my son's raised eyebrow, she decided to forego her "rule" on the spot ....... seeings as how she broke it herself.  Hahahaha, and no, please don't tell me I'm being "smug about her failure."  I just find the humor in this.  Stuff happens.

Is your DS five?  He tattles a lot on his wife it seems and thats not good for your relationshipw for him and his wife.  Sounds like your son likes to start drama.

Correction He tattle on his wife it seems and thats not good for your relationship with them or for him and his wife.

[stilltryen]

"Is your DS five?  He tattles a lot on his wife it seems and thats not good for your relationshipw for him and his wife.  Sounds like your son likes to start drama.  Correction He tattle on his wife it seems and thats not good for your relationship with them or for him and his wife."

Guess you totally missed the part about how I rant here and say nothing, repeat, nothing to my DIL?  So how am I (or my son, for that matter) starting any drama?  There is no drama at all IN REAL LIFE.  Everything is resolved regarding the babysitting, etc.  All is well in my world.  But for you, dear SassyDI, I'll quit sharing "my drama," so you can be happy.

[jj]

The arrangments for childcare were all arranged.  Childcare was arranged the way that DIL and her husband had agreed. You didn't like it.  You should have left well enough alone.  Your DIL's husband appears to have put pressure on her to change the arrangments and now everything is falling apart and now there are hard feelings.  I also don't understand the has more than one parent comment.  This child has one mother and one father.  No one else is the parent to this child.  Keep pushing DIL with your opinions (which of course you say do what you want after you have already said more than you should have).  Quite frankly, it is their business if they want to spend $9000 for two days of daycare.  So basically your offer to help her was to give her help on your terms.  You don't get to do that.  Also, don't understand the 35 minutes from your home to DIL's home.  Is is the same distance from DIL's home to yours.  So of course it makes sense to wake the baby up, put her in the car and take her to your home.  What would be the difference? 

[SassyDI]

"Is your DS five?  He tattles a lot on his wife it seems and thats not good for your relationshipw for him and his wife.  Sounds like your son likes to start drama.  Correction He tattle on his wife it seems and thats not good for your relationship with them or for him and his wife."

Guess you totally missed the part about how I rant here and say nothing, repeat, nothing to my DIL?  So how am I (or my son, for that matter) starting any drama?  There is no drama at all IN REAL LIFE.  Everything is resolved regarding the babysitting, etc.  All is well in my world.  But for you, dear SassyDI, I'll quit sharing "my drama," so you can be happy.

I did not mean that agains you but against him.  Seems opinions are not welcome here either.

[holliberri]

Experience is the best teacher...when it is You, yourself experiencing it. It is not nearly as effective when someone, anyone, is telling you their experience. It is okay to consider the experience of another, but that is hardly the same as learning yourself. Advice isn't the BEST way to do things, it is only the BEST way that worked for you at the time you went through your own personal experience.

[luise.volta]

Oh, for heaven sake, SassyDI, stop it. You were mistreated and misunderstood. We realize that and ..we're sorry . I did the best I could to undo it. Stop judging us for judging you and stop looking for perfection here or any place else. It doesn't exist. We all make mistakes.  Sassy overreacted and you overreacted to her overreaction. It has to end some place. Enough already. There are other WWU subjects where you can start over. We want you here. OK?

[holliberri]

We have managed to keep Miss Understood and misunderstood right. I think we'll be alright.

[holliberri]

LOL, just got home to watch this...very cute, Rose! Coming home to your totally appropriate and fitting (and funny) posts makes me forget that terrible commute I have!

[holliberri]

Sorry, Rose, I was talking about your link, not the posts. I forgot to quote.

[AnonymousDIL]

Just got the news from DS, he has been discussing these issues non-stop with her for the past week.  DIL has come to the realization that it's fine for them to drop off the baby here two days a week - so, no, I don't have to travel down there.  Yay!  Also, it's fine about the tv, as long as I'm not in the same room with her.  She may be the mom, but evidently it's dawned on her that GD has a father with some input as well.  The other 98% of the rules, no problem!!

Anonymous, you're right.  I wasn't paying attention to your name.  I know that everyone here posts with their own experiences and backgrounds, from the sound of your post you may have had some issues with grandparents.  We take DS & DIL to the airport when they travel (and they do frequently), my younger son goes to their house to watch their dogs, we have them over to our house a lot, we get together with family, but for the most part, we leave them alone and don't bother them.  I like my DIL and I do respect her.  She drives me crazy at times because she has her moments with a couple of her nutty rules, but I seriously doubt that DS would ever let her cut us out of GD's life completely.  Frankly, I don't think her parents would let her either, as I said, they break her rules with impunity.

I think it's sad that you would cut someone out of your child's life simply because they disagreed with you on an issue.  If someone tells you that they're not comfortable with some decision you've arrived at regarding the care of your child, before you get so antagonistic, perhaps you might sit down and chat and find out what led the other person to reach that conclusion.  If, after a discussion, you still feel strongly about it, then sure, don't leave your child.  However, if your MIL or mother is reaching out to you and trying, most times there is no better person.  However, you know your own situation better than anyone.

Anyway, I'm a happy camper!  Let the babysitting begin.

Um, I don't even HAVE kids.... I was saying it would be SAD for you to lose contact with your GD over something silly. Also, studies have shown that TV is very bad for young developing minds. It really isn't a stupid rule IMHO.

[AnonymousDIL]

Is your DS five?  He tattles a lot on his wife it seems and thats not good for your relationshipw for him and his wife.  Sounds like your son likes to start drama.

SassyDI, I was thinking the same thing. He needs to learn that what happens between a husband and a wife is no one else's business. I learned the hard way to not involve family in DH/DW things. Now my DB hates my DH. Sooooo, hopefully, he will realize this before it causes issues in his marraige. Especially now that there is a child involved.

[pam1]

SassyDI, maybe you can post an avatar to make it easy to tell the difference.  I think everyone will be fine though if you don't lol.  Welcome

[luise.volta]

We have Nana, Nana1, NanaP, Nana120108, Nanamom, and Nanalu all of WWU and we have nerver, as in NEVER, had any kind of a problem with it. Not ONCE!

[luise.volta]

Please also read my post: "Personal Messaging and WWU Eitquet" under the Grab Bag category.

[LaurieS]

Is your DS five?  He tattles a lot on his wife it seems and thats not good for your relationshipw for him and his wife.  Sounds like your son likes to start drama.

Sassydi... I'm not sure why you chose to use the wording that you did.  "Is your DS five?" 

I did not agree with what ST was saying in quite a few of her postings and neither did some of the other members but I did not see anyone coming at another member in this fashion.  How about getting to know some of us before being so negative?