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Need the Wisdom

Started by stilltryen, April 20, 2011, 09:08:53 AM

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holliberri

The gc will be totally fine. Children make adjustments all the time. This daycare/at home care debate gets no one anywhere because each has just a many drawbacks and advantages as the other. Six in one hand...

stilltryen

Quote from: SassyDI on April 22, 2011, 01:28:35 PM
Her stuff is not over the top plain and simple you just don't agree with her.  A new mother is learning the ropes giving her baby even to the grandmother can be very hard.  Maybe her feelings changed but it doesn't make her over the top it makes her human.  Futher as a former Childcare provider I can tell you this your GC was better off at daycare as an infant.  One day you might not want to do the watching and that child will have a harder time adjusting the older that child gets.  Babies adjust fast and easy when they are serveral months old.  The older they get the hard it is.

Totally agree with you, it is hard to give your baby to anyone else to watch, been there, done that.  Honestly, MILs do not just spring up.  We've been through it.  Of course, she's human, I never said she wasn't, I've just said her rules make my eyes roll - along with pretty much everyone else.  If you feel that it's perfectly reasonable demanding that a television not be on at all in a home, even though the baby wouldn't even be able to hear it in another room, then we shall disagree on the definition "over the top."  I think that particular rule is "over the top," you think it's fine.  I respect your opinion, even if I disagree with it.

I disagree with your assessment about daycare being the best course of action for an infant, but there is research on both sides.  There is research that says a child does better being watched at a daycare, and there is also sufficient resarch on the opposing side, that children flourish much better being with a loved one.  I can tell you that, for hubby and I back when, it was hard making the house payments, etc.  Yes, if that had been our only alternative, we would have made do, put our children in daycare and sucked it up with the costs.  I'm very grateful that I had another option, a loving, caring, warm home with someone who loved those children as much as I did.  I didn't agree with some of the things my mother did either, but I never doubted for a minute that she didn't have their best interests in her heart. 

Just as an FYI, I am not watching GD forever.  She will, eventually, be going to daycare.  I've posted before that none of us are opposed to daycare, we just felt an infant was better off in a home, getting one on one attention.  I don't know at what point they'll make that decision.  I had to put my children in a daycare eventually too, and they loved it.  They had lots of programs there, field trips, etc.  It was fine.

lancaster lady

I find this topic amazing to run into 6 pages .
all b/c a GM has offered to look after her beloved GC for two days a week .
We know who the mom is , and she will have different ideas to the GM .however we also know that the GM
will love and cherish and do her utmost to look after her GC and keep that baby safe 24/7 .
Is that so terrible ?

stilltryen

By the way ADIL, you may want to reconsider your comment, "I'm just trying to point out that it is HER child . . ."  No.  It is not.   That's part of the problem that a lot of women automatically assume that they are the only parent in a child's life.  To be fair, if they're a single mom, that may, indeed, be the case.  However, in this case, my GD has two parents.  I didn't always agree with hubby's point of view when raising our children, but marriage and children involve a lot of hard work, compromise, tears, anger, discussion, more compromise, etc.  There are going to be times that one gives a lot more than the other, but overall I firmly believe that both parents are working for the good and welfare of THEIR children.  And BOTH my GD's parents have input into all discussions regarding her care and welfare, DIL does not get to drive the bus alone.

luise.volta

Lots of ways to look at this. I would have felt really guilty in my day (I'm 84 years old) to leave my sons. It probably would have been good for them to have multiple-moms if they were loving and kind...and more kids to play with...again, if the supervision was kind and fair. Those are big "ifs", I suppose.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

stilltryen

Quote from: lancaster lady on April 22, 2011, 02:02:08 PM
I find this topic amazing to run into 6 pages .
all b/c a GM has offered to look after her beloved GC for two days a week .
We know who the mom is , and she will have different ideas to the GM .however we also know that the GM
will love and cherish and do her utmost to look after her GC and keep that baby safe 24/7 .
Is that so terrible ?

LL, no, nothing wrong with this.  But there are some DIL's on here who are responding from their experiences.  It's been interesting to me to read those posts.  This post was about MILs being able to vent about their DILs.  Sometimes it feels like it's the other way around, but as long as everyone is respectful, it's fine.  Everyone has a fresh perspective they bring to the table.  But I am going to give my DS a big hug and a kiss for always being down to earth about everything, just as you suggested!

SassyDI

Quote from: stilltryen on April 22, 2011, 02:14:03 PM
Quote from: lancaster lady on April 22, 2011, 02:02:08 PM
I find this topic amazing to run into 6 pages .
all b/c a GM has offered to look after her beloved GC for two days a week .
We know who the mom is , and she will have different ideas to the GM .however we also know that the GM
will love and cherish and do her utmost to look after her GC and keep that baby safe 24/7 .
Is that so terrible ?

LL, no, nothing wrong with this.  But there are some DIL's on here who are responding from their experiences.  It's been interesting to me to read those posts.  This post was about MILs being able to vent about their DILs.  Sometimes it feels like it's the other way around, but as long as everyone is respectful, it's fine.  Everyone has a fresh perspective they bring to the table.  But I am going to give my DS a big hug and a kiss for always being down to earth about everything, just as you suggested!

Its because we are trying to tell you how your DIL  might just be feeling.  Just trying to get you to see it from the other side. 

luise.volta

April 22, 2011, 02:27:54 PM #127 Last Edit: April 22, 2011, 02:30:37 PM by luise.volta
Yes, we did start out as a MIL site but a few months in, when DILS started joining us, we realized that it isn't the title so much as it's a closed mind...MIL or DIL...that messes up the works. We started meeting DILS who were trying very hard and being stopped at every turn by MILs with closed minds. So, WWUn has become a site to explore and and all issues in extended families. Those with an I'm right/you're wrong attitude don't find us very interesting...and move on to the the gripe-sites. When they don't, there's "trouble in River City"...because we don't tolerate intolerance. LOL!  Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Sassy

I received a message from SassyDI telling me she thought I was rude.   I want to publicly apologize.  SassyDI, I certainly did not mean to be rude to you.    Although I will admit I am not sure what exactly you found rude, I can assure you, that was not my intention.

I did intend to bring immediate attention, to clear up the confusion about exactly what I myself had written and what I had not , since the first two words of your first post here as SassyDI, were "Hi Sassy".   The quote used by you as SassyDI , was the OP's reply to my earlier post to her.   I was confused.   So, apparently was the OP.  Stilltryen addressed Sassy (not SassyDI), in response to SassyDI's post to her.  Which (obviously) I did not write.  Your post appeared to be "my" reply to her, since you had quoted both my name and her reply to me.  Whew.

If your first post here didn't have both my name in it, and the reply to my earlier post,  I probably wouldn't have even noticed your name.  At least, it would not have caused confusion, and I would not have needed to clarify your words were not from me. 

Anyway, it is clear Sassy and SassyDI do have very different personalities.  So, welcome SassyDI!

stilltryen

SassyDI (got it right!), re:  "Its because we are trying to tell you how your DIL  might just be feeling.  Just trying to get you to see it from the other side."  Yes, got it and appreciate it.  However, experience is the best teacher, and while you are a DIL, every MIL here has been a DIL.  Just remember that we've been there.  Trust me, I had my own issues with my MIL.   I know what it's like to give birth, stay home with your infant, then have to go back to work.  I know the clashes that come with how you want to raise your child and how parents want to babysit.  We have some years of dealing with all this.

What you bring to the table is the perspective of the new generation, and we appreciate that.  A lot of us (me) are very old-fashioned regarding manners and courtesy and it's been an eye opener for what now passes for acceptable.  I don't know if some of this is the new generation or if it's just my DIL.  That's why I come here to scream, rant, rave and carry on.  That way, when I deal with DIL face to face, I feel like I'm prepared with some insight.

Oh, and funny story.  Turns out DS was not feeling well, went home early.  Found tv on in the living room and DIL feeding baby in the nursery.  He's like, "Uh, the tv is on."  "Oh, I know, I was watching it when baby woke up, I just ran in here, got busy and never got back out to the living room to shut it off.  She can't hear it from here." DIL replied.  Noting my son's raised eyebrow, she decided to forego her "rule" on the spot ....... seeings as how she broke it herself.  Hahahaha, and no, please don't tell me I'm being "smug about her failure."  I just find the humor in this.  Stuff happens.

luise.volta

I think if you don't know that new members enroll without having the opportunity to see the member list, then you might think there was an impostor using your name or something. It's pretty logical that someone who wasn't a member yet wouldn't have access to that imformation. I tried to clear that up, immediately, when it happened today. Both of you are authentic and welcome and a reaction that says you're the "real" member could have been seen as unwelcoming...but understandable. Is everything OK, now?

I really don't like Personal Messaging, as all of you all know...since I asked Kirk to disable it last week. It will be gone for good on May 1st. Trying to clear up issues that arise in Personal Messaging almost brought this site down recently. If you don't like something in a Personal Message this isn't the place to handle it, Personal Messaging is. If you get one you don't like...you can even ignore it. I just can't stay on top of both venues.

I have to tell you I am not up for another big Forum conflict. I just don't have it in me at this time. Please give me a break.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

lancaster lady

Luise .....I am sure your loyal members will not let that happen .......right  girls ?

Sassy


SassyDI

Quote from: luise.volta on April 22, 2011, 03:05:32 PM
I think if you don't know that new members enroll without having the opportunity to see the member list, then you might think there was an impostor using your name or something. It's pretty logical that someone who wasn't a member yet wouldn't have access to that imformation. I tried to clear that up, immediately, when it happened today. Both of you are authentic and welcome and a reaction that says you're the "real" member could have been seen as unwelcoming...but understandable. Is everything OK, now?

I really don't like Personal Messaging, as all of you all know...since I asked Kirk to disable it last week. It will be gone for good on May 1st. Trying to clear up issues that arise in Personal Messaging almost brought this site down recently. If you don't like something in a Personal Message this isn't the place to handle it, Personal Messaging is. If you get one you don't like...you can even ignore it. I just can't stay on top of both venues.

I have to tell you I am not up for another big Forum conflict. I just don't have it in me at this time. Please give me a break.

I have to say that unwelcome is how I felt.  Putting "Real" was what I found rude.  I came on here they said my name was avaiable so I took it.  I am not hear to start drama and if this is how the site is going to be over a name I can kindly leave.

SassyDI

Quote from: stilltryen on April 22, 2011, 03:04:54 PM
SassyDI (got it right!), re:  "Its because we are trying to tell you how your DIL  might just be feeling.  Just trying to get you to see it from the other side."  Yes, got it and appreciate it.  However, experience is the best teacher, and while you are a DIL, every MIL here has been a DIL.  Just remember that we've been there.  Trust me, I had my own issues with my MIL.   I know what it's like to give birth, stay home with your infant, then have to go back to work.  I know the clashes that come with how you want to raise your child and how parents want to babysit.  We have some years of dealing with all this.

What you bring to the table is the perspective of the new generation, and we appreciate that.  A lot of us (me) are very old-fashioned regarding manners and courtesy and it's been an eye opener for what now passes for acceptable.  I don't know if some of this is the new generation or if it's just my DIL.  That's why I come here to scream, rant, rave and carry on.  That way, when I deal with DIL face to face, I feel like I'm prepared with some insight.

Oh, and funny story.  Turns out DS was not feeling well, went home early.  Found tv on in the living room and DIL feeding baby in the nursery.  He's like, "Uh, the tv is on."  "Oh, I know, I was watching it when baby woke up, I just ran in here, got busy and never got back out to the living room to shut it off.  She can't hear it from here." DIL replied.  Noting my son's raised eyebrow, she decided to forego her "rule" on the spot ....... seeings as how she broke it herself.  Hahahaha, and no, please don't tell me I'm being "smug about her failure."  I just find the humor in this.  Stuff happens.

Is your DS five?  He tattles a lot on his wife it seems and thats not good for your relationshipw for him and his wife.  Sounds like your son likes to start drama.