Need the Wisdom

[stilltryen]

If the handmade blankets are exquisite, perhaps she'd prefer to keep them that way and save them. I saved my blankets that I received from my mother not for DD, but for DD's children, if the time comes. I appreciated them more as heirlooms and story telling purposes, not so my baby could puke and drool over them.

You may be right.  She does put the baby in things her mother gave her that have been handed down.  I consider the blankets to be used.  In my opinion, what is the purpose of getting beautiful clothes and blankets for the baby if you're simply going to put them away?  They lose their meaning then.  I used them every day, washed them every other day.  Babies grow up too fast and you lose that window of opportunity to surround them with something that their grandmother made with her hands especially for that baby.  However, I respect the fact that everyone has a different opinion on the subject.

[holliberri]

I couldn't think of putting DD in the special things made for me when I was a baby, when they were delicate, beautiful and might be wrecked.

Time went by, and I actually had one blanket framed to hang in DD's room. Heirloom in tact, visible to everyone and something to talk about. I also did use one blanket for very special occasions, not every day. My step grandmother had made it before  she passed. I believe she stayed alive to finish it. That too, has become an heirloom.

So, just because they aren't in use doesn't mean they've lost their meaning or value. I might argue their limited use speaks of how much they mean to me, and how much I hope they mean to DD.

[Rose799]

Rose, she's mandated that I can't have the baby watch tv or even have it on as background. 

You know what happens to people who say "always" & "never."  She'll lighten up about the TV, but believe me, it won't bring you much comfort.  You'll be too busy contending with the next new mandate.  : )  Find the humor in it, ST. 

I will say though, we've come a long, long way from the days when my dm kept her gc.  That was back in the day when experience meant something.  I wish I could have been closer to gp's...

[stilltryen]

"You'll be too busy contending with the next new mandate.  : )" - Oh Rose, you are so right.  A month from now, I'll have all new rules.  Yippy.

[holliberri]

I also learned the hard way that  my MIL doesn't value handmade things. I was extremely offended by this. As time went on, I've learned to let it go. It is okay that it isn't as important to her as it is to me. And, it saves me the trouble of finishing the quilt I was working on for her. It is now a gift to my dad, who drools over my sewing projects in awe.

I made a quilt for SIL, and she said, "Another one? Ugh, everyone is making me one of these."

Sometimes, things just are not appreciated, although we might like them to be. I could get really worked up over all of that, but it's not worth it for my sanity. I owe it to myself to make it as unimportant as others have made me feel at times.

[stilltryen]

Holly, where the bleep were you when my son was looking?  Haha, look there are some great DILs, there are some great MILs, they're just now always matched.  It's nice to have this forum to come and scream, beat your chest, etc.  That way when I face my DS and DIL, I feel ever so much better and much more calm about things.

[holliberri]

I don't know...probably off joining the military to snag myself a decent man. 

Just kidding. I am not one of "those."

I sure do hope my dad likes that his queen size bed will be covered in a king size quilt drenched in country pinks and flowers.

[pam1]

See, I'm on the other end of the homemade spectrum, it's not that I don't appreciate it -- I just don't like other people deciding for me what I should find sentimental.  And I like to throw everything away or give away once they run out of their usefulness for me. 

[overwhelmed123]

I am with you, Pam, in fact it's funny- my friend was over just yesterday walking around my house and she said, "You're like me, I can tell you really don't like clutter."  Because my house just doesn't have a bunch of "stuff" in it.  I have pictures up here and there but not all over the walls.  I have decor but it's very minimal.  I am so anti "stuff' it's crazy.  My ILs would probably say those kinds of things about me- that I'm rude for not displaying the stuff they give me, but to me, it's ugly and I don't like it.  A lot of it has gone to Goodwill.  I don't think that's fair to judge me because I'm not in the habit of displaying the stuff they like or have given to me just to appease them.  Quite honestly, I don't want to encourage the habit of them giving me jewelry or random pillowcases or any of the other stuff they give me because I don't want any more crap in my house that I have to sort through to give away. 

ST- maybe your DIL doesn't like them, not her style or whatever, and feels like if she doesn't proudly display them in your face, you won't offer up anymore that she'll have to put away.  She wouldn't want to purposely hurt your feelings by saying, "I don't like these and I don't want to do anything with them, can you please stop giving them to me?"  I don't think that really has anything to do with "manners."  I'm always in the habit of using good manners, but I don't want to encourage something that I don't like.  I say "thank you" (very sincerely I might add) and "oh, how generous" or "you didn't have to do that!" quite frequently, but now I'm expected to proudly display all this stuff too?  That's a lot of unspoken strings!  Try to let go of some of your expectations (I think that's a good lesson for all of us) and I think you will be much less resentful.  JMHO of course!

[holliberri]

Oh, I'm definitely a minimalist...but there are a precious few things I'm not willing to part with. Plus, the handmade stuff seems so rare nowadays anyway. I actually only got two handmade blankets for DD.

[holliberri]

...and I made one of them. LOL.

[pam1]

Holly, that's cool that you can make that stuff.  It's one of my own going hobbies I've been trying to teach myself for oh, maybe 5 years now lol.  It always sounds like a good idea but I just don't have the patience

OW, do you like the designer Jeff Lewis?  His show is on Bravo.  I love his taste. 

[lancaster lady]

Stilltryin :
You are the MIL ....full stop .
I was told I shouldn't expect the same relationship as with her DM .
I made two blankets for my Gd , one crochet , one knitted ....they were eventually used after baby was 6 months old
as we had a very cold winter . I can't really say too much now as my F/DIL and I do get on , she even visits me now
alone with my GD who is now 14 months . I think she now realises what a handful a toddler is and when she is here
she at least gets a break .
I think most new GP and Moms go through a lot of teething problems ( ) , my doc blames my recent heart problems
on the stress between my DIL and myself after she was born , and no I didn't tell her this , now we are best buddies 
I'm sure as the baby gets older things will ease . .My GD is now into everything , I haven't changed anything in my house
how else will they learn right from wrong .
I wasn't allowed to look after my GD until she was a year old ....so maybe even with all the rules , you are fortunate to be
trusted for even a day ....

[luise.volta]

One day, a friend said to me, in describing someone else..."She's the kind that doesn't have anything she wouldn't sell." And I said..."Oh? What's wrong with that!" 

[holliberri]

I don't see a whole lot wrong with that. Things are just that: things. I've been parting with more and more as time goes on. Memory really is incredible.