Feeling Ashamed

[pam1]

LOL, isn't it funny, trying not to do what your parents did and you can just make it worse. 

[Rose799]

Sometimes dc want to be just like their mothers...

http://www.tasteofawesome.com/view/This_picture/26229

[FAFE]

I too feel ashamed sometimes - for about 20 minutes.  We have become so accustomed (sp) to it just being the 2 of us that if anyone (or 20) come and stay over a couple of days I start climbing the walls.  Good thing is that it is usually once a year for my chilluns and two or three times for my sisters, friends, etc.  I guess it is a good thing since I tend to be less sorry (laying around reading) when I have company. 

My mother used to say that she was so happy to see us come visit, but was much happier to see the taillights as we were leaving!

[Pen]

Sometimes dc want to be just like their mothers...

http://www.tasteofawesome.com/view/This_picture/26229

ROTFLMBO!

[themuffin]

Sometimes dc want to be just like their mothers...

http://www.tasteofawesome.com/view/This_picture/26229

ROTFLMBO!

Ditto!!!!  I just emailed that to a bunch of family and friends.   

[Kennedy]

Good Morning Ladies,

I want to Thank each of you for all the kind and helpful replies!
It's amazing to me how getting other's points of view can really help one see what was right in front of the face all along.
Just like when one of you said that about them doing their own chores like laundry and such. It had not even crossed my silly mind! I suppose I was going into a "mommy" mode of how things were before the last 8 years happened. DUH!! LOL

The Son and his wife ,children that I'm referring to had major damage done to their home last Nov. when a F-2 tornado ripped through our little town. They had no home owners insurance so they have had to save to start repairs. And even then my husband and son will be doing a good deal of the work needed.

They have been renting a small house until this could get done. But they are wanting /needing to save that rent money to be able to get it all done. Thus the reason they wanted to stay with us.

As I've said we all have always gotten along great. I've been blessed that all of my DIL's and I get along fine. And we see the grandchildren often!
Back when our oldest Son first married I took to reading books and online after about a year or so to try to be the best MIL I could. I've always done like that. When I had children I read everything I could get my hands on too.
So silly me didn't know how everything can be so horrible between DIL's and MIL's. I just didn't. And I think it is all that I've learned reading these type forums that has me somewhat afraid. Besides just liking what my life is now.
I don't want anything to change with my DIL and I. Does this make sense? So YES I'm a bit scared. Like Luise said, Things might happen that can not be repaired.

[Kennedy]

Sorry I must of hit post before I was ready. LOL
I'm really am grateful for all the advice. I think we are leaning  toward helping them by paying the rent for 6 months where they are. I'm just to chicken to chance it.

Laurie, I wouldn't want anyone peeing on my table legs either. LOL And I would of said something just like you did.

BrokenHope, Just like you feel is why I was feeling so ashamed of how I felt. I love my children and grandchildren!! And I love spending time with them! We all have a loving relationship and I'm very blessed! I don't want to take even the smallest chance of anything messing up what we have either.
Those feelings is why I am leaning more toward how Luise feels.

As far as discipline is concerned that hasn't ever been a issue with any of us. I do not hit/spank my grandchildren and didn't my own children either. I'm not telling anyone else how to Parent. It is just something I will not do!
And our Grandchildren all live with a 10 mile area of us. They stay the night or spend days at our home all the time and have since they've been old enough to ask to. So they know what is okay or not here.
If I had a issue with anything their Parents told them to do.(Which hasn't been the case once) I would talk to the Parent alone. My husband and I feel very strongly that what Mother and Daddy say's go. We back them 100%! If I 'm unsure for some reason about what they will allow while the grandchildren are in my care I call and ask.
Our grandchildren are normal children. So they will try to get their way behind mommy's back once and awhile. But they know that we will stand by Mom's rules. so it hasn't ever really been a issue with us.

TheMuffin, I understand how you feel. I understand how many of you feel. I really do. It wasn't easy for me when they left home. Like many mothers I've had to work hard to get where I am. But now that I've gotten there. Well I like it!

[LaurieS]

One definition of FAMILY - those who are there for you in times of trouble    I'm sure your son and his family will greatly appreciate the fact that you are very generously opening your home to them during such a trying time.  I would just be upfront before the move as to what your expectations are, and how to deal with ANY conflict. 

My older sister had to move back home for 6 months with her 2 young children.  What drove my mother over the edge was to me the silliest thing of all... After dinner my mom is the type that is ripping your plate from under your face as you are still eating.. like the food sitting on the plate for more  then 2 minutes will create permanent stains.  Of course my sister would finish dinner and before doing dishes would bathe her boys and get them ready for bed... so this eventually was seen my my mom that my sis never helped with the dishes.  There had to have been a solution for such a simply problem but obviously not as my mom will still mention this 20 years later.  The time line for daily chores should be worked out in advance... I would have a written list of allergies that everyone can refer to if need be as well.

You guys will do great... I'm so sorry about your son's loss, thank goodness it was only material possessions that were harmed..  What a great mom and dad your kids have... a dad willing to do physical labor to help the situation is priceless in my mind... Enjoy your time together, enjoy your grandchildren.. they will forever remember your kindness and generosity.. I'd just find some alone time everyday even if it's just a walk around the block.

[LaurieS]

oh Kennedy.. I didn't see your second section before I posted..

Ok my posting is null and void..your kids are staying elsewhere  lol.. but my posting  it did get me singing "Let It Be" after I typed the words in times of trouble.. on that note I think I'll start packing for my next adventure for the week.. turning up the music in my head.

Kennedy.. you guys just sound to darn normal, happy, and content.. lol.. what brings you here  

[pam1]

Kennedy, you sound like a great Mom and MIL.  I sure hope they are appreciating you, if not you just come my way lol

[Kennedy]

I think I'm being to long winded here? My laptop will only let me put a certain amount and then I have to post it? So I'm sorry for all the replies like this.

You all have made me feel a little more normal in how I feel. I really want to Thank all you for taking the time to think about my feelings and then telling me how you would handle things. Thank you for spending the time to help me out like this!

If ask and I was being completely honest about how my life is now? I would answer wonderful! I like how some of you put saying it is Seasons of our lives.

I loved with all my heart and soul raising my children and being their mom!! But I love getting to be my Grandchildren's Grandmother too. I love playing,reading and loving them! And then sending them home. LOL   I don't want to stick my nose where it don't belong and I sure don't want to raise another family. Would if I had to. But I'll not choose too. It is their turn. I'm done. LOL
I've read so many sad stories where Grandparents have to raise the Grandchildren or worse yet don't get to see or spend any special time with them. So I know that I'm a very blessed lady!!
I get to see the kids often and everyone gets along really great actually! And the Grandkids and us get to do one on one special things all the time. I am blessed that the women our Son's married gave me a chance. And that the were so easy to love.
So I know my issues are small compared to many others. But they mean something to me. I want everyone happy and the entire family to do well apart and together. So again ladies, Thank you for you help!

[holliberri]

You sound like a wonderful mom, Kennedy. I'm sure your son will appreciate whatever you decide. I can't imagine what he must have been through since November.

[Kennedy]

What brings me here and other forums like this is wanting to be the "best" MIL/Grandparent that I can be! I've always known I'm not perfect and there is always room for impovement. Like I said, I know my issues are so small compared to others

[LaurieS]

And those of us who are fortunate enough to have the smaller issues are thankful for the small issues in life.  Now that my dil is pregnant the forum has I believed helped me to avoid some pitfalls that I may have at one time blindly fallen prey to.   Ok so I'm being questioned as so why I'm not being more nosy about the baby.. sometimes you just have to deal with the lesser of the two evils I guess. 

My dil has a mom who is soooo ready to be mom#2 to this up and coming grandchild... I'll be excited and love the baby but yes I too really kinda like having my life back to me and the hubs.

[holliberri]

Just think, Laurie. Most  people I know don't want a Mom #2 for their baby, whether it is a stepmom, best friend, MIL or mom. So, there might be a long-term win for you here just yet.