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I'm baaaaack! The MIL chronicles: Easter questions..

Started by brandynd, April 16, 2011, 07:59:29 AM

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LaurieS


Adil, I had simply stated that you had based your opening paragraph on what you feared she would do... Now had you said, each time she comes over this is what she says then I would have understood you more clearly.  If every time someone comes into my house they nit pick my life, I would have already put on my thick skin coat if I felt it was that important to have them over.

QuoteMaybe if your DS would step up his brother would get his gifts. It may seem PA to you, but it is obviously something that is important to your DIL.
It is passive/aggressive to me and would be to her as well if she were to be on the the dirty end of the stick.  I don't see where a single MIL is making a DIL out to be evil here... I feel that this attitude is wrong in most cases, but I don't think the term evil was ever brought up.  What I guess could be construed as evil are some of the double standard points that come to play.. In my case (clearly saying my case) my dil had led her dh to believe that she had completed what she apparently viewed as a negative chore.  I believe that this was done in an attempt to hurt someones feelings, while my other son, the db did not seem to pay notice my dd did... after repeated actions along this line the dd no longer has any respect or desire to even be friends with the dil.  If this was her goal, she achieved it.. bravo I always applaud someone who has accomplished what they set out to do. 

I just don't see where this way of thinking is a positive in any relationship... I did not see myself or my other children functioning in this mindset.   I sure did not see my married son drawing lines of the mine/yours when it comes to family.... I did not even see him doing it when it came to how the gifts were purchased.  In the mine/his mind set it just seems like a whole can of uncomfortably could be opened... He was working.. she was not...  I'm assuming that in this division of choice that paychecks could possibly come into play as well.  I'm thankful that this is not how my son, her husband views life or their relationship.

But Adil... I do not believe that anyone was attacking dil's here.. just stating a different view.

AnonymousDIL

You're right, Laurie (as always... You always put me back on track lol). No one is attacking all DIL's on here.

That does sound pretty mean of your DIL. I do at least check in with DH that he did in fact pick up the card, gift what-have-you (usually a gift card which I HATE, but his family seems to like them lol). It is good that your DS hasn't drawn family lines for whose side. I know why DH and I did. (his mom and sister don't like me, I'm not fond of them, and DB doesn't like DH. Sometimes it feels like it is DH and I against the world with our only supporters being his dad and my mom.

This is going to be a looooooong weekend. My side (with brother) tomorrow and his family on Sunday. Laryngitis would be great for this weekend so I don't say anything I'll regret! LOL

LaurieS

You'll have a good time if you just remember one little thing... ok maybe 5 or 6 little things...   but don't look for problems... I found it's the best way to avoid them to begin with. 

Hope you have a good weekend... I'm meeting my dd's future mi today.. wish me luck :)

brandynd

Over at SILs for nephews.bday. MIL is starting her antics. Consider this an SOS. HELP!!! Will explain later.

holliberri

TLS, I am sorry. Hang in there. I'm around reading (and editing my paper.  >:( ) if it helps. I'm reading and supporting you from here. I can't believe how many on here are looking forward to Monday already! You're doing great!

FAFE

My DD and SIL and GD is going to church on Easter morning with SIL's parents and then to lunch with them.  They were talking about coming to my house for dinner on Sunday, so I told them if they had rather not come for dinner, we could get together the next weekend for a combination Easter/Mother's Day that would be good with us.  She said, oh no, I want y'all to see GD in her Easter stuff!  Yah!  We will be having DH's mom and dad for lunch and DD, SIL, and GD for dinner.  Genrally my sister in law has Easter but she and her husband are out of town.  I am trying really hard to step back and respect that they want to celebrate with both sides of the family. 

holliberri

I think that is great FAFE! I am glad they near demanded to see you on Easter Day! I'm glad you're being accomodating of his ILs as well. It sounds wonderful to me!

AnonymousDIL


LaurieS

Thanks Adil for asking..... I met my dd's future mil and she seems like a wonderful person... very down to earth and seem to be very happy for the kids.  There was one aspect of the wedding that she wasn't thrilled with and I noted that she may have put that into the back of her mind to discuss with her son at a  later time :)  I think her son will better explain why they made the decision that they did about who will officiate the wedding.

I got to see how my fsil interacts with his mother, which to me says a lot about how he will be with us and more importantly my dd.... so it was a good meeting and a good day... the kids were able to set a tentative date, pick one of the colors and it was declared that the future groom would wear sunscreen before the wedding to prevent his sunglass dyslexic raccoon look.  Both she and I headed home in the evening with plans to visit the venues together in June.

Easter is going to be really quiet here and I'm looking forward to that.. today is lawn day and then I think it might have warmed up enough to go swimming.. I figure everyone will be indoors so I don't have to worry about being spotted in my bathing suit :)

brandynd

Okay kids here goes (and ibapologize if I have typos....my phones keyboard is no bueno). Went to SILS yesterday for the twins bday. Other SIL and family was there as was MIL. everything started out fine until MILstarted going on about her bday being wednesday and "you better get me something good!"
Seriously? I was sitting there thinking "are you five?" Granted I just smiled and nodded. She does this every year and every year our gift is.not extravagant enough for.her. im over it.
Then I get a phonebcall from my estranged big brother (he has a drug problem and has singlehanddly destroyed every family get.together for the past 5 years win his antics) screaming at me for not being invited to easter.  He wasn't invited because I didn't want a scene in front of my high maintenance MIL. it hard.enough to handle her without being humiliated to boot.
Anyways, I told dh we needed to go.so I could deal with the matter in private. We went to say goodbye when MIL says "you're not going anywhere..im sick of her dealing with this white trash drama when you need to be with your family."
Excuse me??? I went outside to take the call and spoke very quietly which.means she was eavesdropping first of all....secondly who says that?! I am FUMING!!!!!!

Pen

Quote from: Laurie on April 23, 2011, 08:06:45 AM
Thanks Adil for asking..... I met my dd's future mil and she seems like a wonderful person... very down to earth and seem to be very happy for the kids.  There was one aspect of the wedding that she wasn't thrilled with and I noted that she may have put that into the back of her mind to discuss with her son at a  later time :)  I think her son will better explain why they made the decision that they did about who will officiate the wedding.

I got to see how my fsil interacts with his mother, which to me says a lot about how he will be with us and more importantly my dd.... so it was a good meeting and a good day... the kids were able to set a tentative date, pick one of the colors and it was declared that the future groom would wear sunscreen before the wedding to prevent his sunglass dyslexic raccoon look.  Both she and I headed home in the evening with plans to visit the venues together in June.

Easter is going to be really quiet here and I'm looking forward to that.. today is lawn day and then I think it might have warmed up enough to go swimming.. I figure everyone will be indoors so I don't have to worry about being spotted in my bathing suit :)

Laurie, I hope your daughter's FMIL realizes how lucky she is to be "in the loop" regarding the wedding. Good on ya!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

LaurieS

The fmil, has no daughters.... there are somethings that I think  dd can include her on and show her that she and her input are valued.  Besides the more dd includes her the more she will help keep her son in line :)  He is such a good guy but does struggle at times to see it from the female perspective.. and my dd has got to learn to back off a bit and not talk wedding 24/7... their date is approx 14 months away.   His mom and I both said the same exact thing yesterday, he thought we had been talking behind the scenes.. and all we said was .. don't get so involved in your wedding that you do not continue learning who you are as a couple.   How many couples look at each other after the wedding and say.. now what?

His mom is so grounded, laid back.. she said we are not fancy folks and uncomfortable when expected to be so.   I said well you and I have a that strong common denominator then.... the funny thing.. bf is 6'3".. DD is 5'3.. I'm 5'1 and fmil is 4'11" .. it was almost like he was the keeper of the dwarfs.

Pen

Well, the wedding photos should be interesting! I'm sure Martha has a pattern for some snazzy milk crate covers.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

LaurieS

Yes and I will be looking them up :)  I just talked to the 'couple' dd took him shopping for clothes... she showed him how to stretch his dollars and  he was amazed... I think bachelors get lazy with their money at times.  Yesterday she saved him over a hundred on his diving b/c and it will be here before the trip...  I think he now has more faith in her ragging about money lol  .. Oh they did open a bank account together today it's earmarked as a wedding/honeymoon account... I never would have done that before marriage but it does make sense for them to see how they each approach banking/bill paying etc

I was outside mowing and thought about your comment Pen.. that the FMIL should feel lucky that she is in the loop... I'd like to think that this is the norm, especially for a mom who does not have any daughters.  I want to see her in the mix of things, we hope the day is as special for them as it is for us and certainly the kids.

pam1

Quote from: thelaststraw on April 23, 2011, 09:37:33 AM
Okay kids here goes (and ibapologize if I have typos....my phones keyboard is no bueno). Went to SILS yesterday for the twins bday. Other SIL and family was there as was MIL. everything started out fine until MILstarted going on about her bday being wednesday and "you better get me something good!"
Seriously? I was sitting there thinking "are you five?" Granted I just smiled and nodded. She does this every year and every year our gift is.not extravagant enough for.her. im over it.
Then I get a phonebcall from my estranged big brother (he has a drug problem and has singlehanddly destroyed every family get.together for the past 5 years win his antics) screaming at me for not being invited to easter.  He wasn't invited because I didn't want a scene in front of my high maintenance MIL. it hard.enough to handle her without being humiliated to boot.
Anyways, I told dh we needed to go.so I could deal with the matter in private. We went to say goodbye when MIL says "you're not going anywhere..im sick of her dealing with this white trash drama when you need to be with your family."
Excuse me??? I went outside to take the call and spoke very quietly which.means she was eavesdropping first of all....secondly who says that?! I am FUMING!!!!!!

TLS, this sounds like it could be on a reality show lol.  Sorry but a grown woman saying that?  Oh my goodness, what grace you have
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift