Am I the only one who is angry?

[Sheen]

I am still laughing about the take your chopsticks and hit the road comment.  Muffin, I think your anger is completely normal and I can totally relate.  I still get angry over the situation and it has been over seven years since I heard from my son.  I try and just put the whole thing out of my mind and concentrate on my three daughters who I have a great relationship with but there are those days when I just get really mad. Not sure if I am mad directly at my son or the situation in general or maybe the fact that I just don't get it. But then Louise's words echo in my mind that there is no logic in these situations and you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.
As far as the stories that your son tells, for whatever reason I think some of our kids come up with these events either by reading a book or seeing a movie and then for some reason apply it to their own lives even if they never actually had the experience. After they tell the lie so many times, they actually convince themselves that it is true .

[Kennedy]

You ladies have had me laughing so hard reading this entire thread!! I have had to run to the bathroom twice. Laughing that hard at my age can be dangerous on the sofa. 
Ms. Muffin, I have felt every word nearly that you typed.  There isn't a person in the world that can hurt us more than our children. And just like you I've let them come back before too.
But I LOVE what Luise said. I'll have to remember that in my next life.
I will say after a few years of living in the "hell" you're talking about Muffin , My son has "FINALLY" arrived at adulthood!! He hasn't missed a day of work in 2 years! And that is amazing seeing how he never worked before. Pays his bills and does right about things.  They just bought their 1st home. So hang in there , it may get better one day.
I'm glad you were able to spot your ring though!
I hope you and everyone has a great evening.

[Nana]

Yes thanks ladies, Muffin, Laurie, Pam, Luise, etc.  Missed Pooh's comments on this one lol.  Thanks for the thread.  Having a good time laughing about your humorous comments.  I loved Muffin, the one about wanting your son to sign an agreement of not coming back....all you are really funny.  Thanks...
Laughter is chicken soup for my soul.

Love you all

[myree]

see what humor can do for the soul:) anyway i agree to being angry only gives them power . my story is floating around here and i constanly have lies told about me by my daughter , sadly its a habit and we feel she has narcissistic personality disorder. we all cop it here i get random abusive text messages , just got another 2 days ago apparently my daughter hates me , well DUH! like it dont know that. i wouldnt have him back the next time he wants home let him pay for his own.

[themuffin]

Good Morning Ladies,

   I slept well last night even though he invaded my dreams.  Fisrt thing I did this morning was check this site.  This site is a God send! It's not so much that misery loves company, it's more like misery takes comfort in the support of knowing there are others who are hurting too.  It feels good to know that you are not alone.  It helps to know that other good parents have been mistreated for no true reason also.

  Sheen, thanks for your kind and understanding words.  I'm sorry about what you are going thru.  Seven years is a long time.  I don't know how long my son and I will have this estranged relationship but I'm preparing myself for the long haul.  It's very possible that if he stays with this GF that if they have children I will not be allowed to see them.  I have always looked forward to being a grandma so hubby said it would be their loss and that if I wanted something cute and cuddley to love he'd get me a puppy.  Somehow I'm okay with that.  See, we have a dog and he's a joy everyday!!  He absolutely loses his mind with excitement each time I walk thru the door.  And you know what?  He's never gonna bring a loser girlfriend home. Or run our car insurance sky high, or talk to me like I'm stupid.  I know this is gonna sound harsh, but if I knew than what I know now.......This son would have been a dog!

   You may have a point about his stories coming from books or tv.  But whatever it comes from he's been doing it since he was young.  He would often remember entire events that never happened.  So many times he'd finish telling his tale and I'd have this blank look on my face, and he say "remember?". And I'd say, "No, because it never happened."  He insisted it did.  So I'd ask the rest of the family who were suppose to be a part of this memory and they didn't remember it either.  It made more sense to him that the four of us had amnesia than the fact that it may not have happened.  I think he believed his dreams were reality.  It was kinda funny up until the the big penis story.

   Thanks Nana, your comment made me happy.  This site is Chicken Soup for my soul.

Hi Myree, I can so relate to what you are going thru with your daughter and the lies.  They are painful and they hard to deal with.  I will look for your story.  I hope to not get any text messages, but I think I'd put him on the reject list if he did. 

Well, ladies much love to you.  Better get to work.

P.S. I am working on the GF story.  Just not sure where to begin.  She's a bit complicated.

[pam1]

When I was a kid there was a time that I couldn't figure out when my dreams weren't true.  I mean, obviously the crazy ones...when you go to school in your underwear and that kind of stuff I knew was a dream.  But I remember telling my dad and arguing that we had conversations that never happened lol.  And sometimes they were a little off the wall.  It took me awhile to figure out.  Maybe that's what he did?  lol, but still...I mean, obviously I would know that a dream where he was telling me it was ok to be dumb because I had a large tracts of land, I would know to be false.  LOL

Oh my, that just reminded me of an actual true story.  We were all caravaning (is that a word lol) to some amusement park.  My brother and I were in the car behind my dads car.  Anyway, we are going to the parking lot and have to stop and pay a parking fee, my dad pays and goes through, I pull up and start handing the lady money and she says "the guy in front you paid for you and told me to tell you it's b/c you have a nice a**"  So my brother and I just started dying laughing, my dad can say some really offensive things and his jokes are definitely not PC.  But he's never said anything like that.

Anyway we all park and join up and my brother is screaming what the lady said (in front of all our younger siblings and getting them all screaming with laughter) and my SM is yelling "Daniel!" at the top of her lungs and my dad is muttering "I didn't say that, I said b/c you have a nice DAD"  but no one could hear him and all the kids still to this day talk about it.

[themuffin]

OMG!!! Oh my, I couldn't find the laughing smiley face!!!  Pam, that story is hysterical.  What can I say?

That story is hilarious!!! 

I know we've all had dreams that seemed real. But usually when we wake up we know we were just dreaming.  Somehow my son never made that connection. 

[luise.volta]

If we can fill in the blanks regarding the **** it is something I would like to pass on here.

[LaurieS]

Good Morning Muff  ... lol I think I'm going to like your name   Glad to see you slept better last night ....  it is hard letting a child go off into the world that you feel they are still ill prepared to deal with, while retaining a level of happiness in your own life.  Sometimes I think it's even harder for them to realize that we can be happier in our lives after they'd headed out on their own. 

I heard it from my middle child over and over again... why are you building a larger home.. reply: because I can... why do you need a pool table.. reply: because I want one... a swimming pool you would never put in a swimming pool when we lived at home, reply: but now I don't have to worry about  you kids or neighborhood kids drowning... I can now drink a whole bottle of wine and only worry about myself falling in  

I may be an oddity here, but I was a good responsible parent while my kids were growing up... I bypassed the wine because there were always kids events... I would have bypassed the pool game because I had a dinner to cook or homework to help with... so now I am selfish with my time and my life (according to my kids)  We do what we want to do for the most part.. and I am a much more relaxed happier person.  The wonderful side note to all this is, my kids now see me as a person, not just their mother ... In the past I often accepted what was coming down the pike.. now I say ahhh no, that doesn't work for me.. so sorry.  Trust me, you will get there one day as well, and while we always worry about our kids, it's natural for them to head out .... And reconnecting with yourself is a fun and exciting way to spend a portion of your life.

[themuffin]

Hey Laurie,
 
    Sorry for the delay in posting but I wanted to read up on the forum rules a bit!   I envy you.  And have decided it's time for me to do some things for me! 

   Hubby and I started our family young.  It seems I've been a mother all of my life.  I thought when they were grown MY life could begin. My life begins now!!

[myree]

hey muffin
my original story i posted was last sept then more a month ago. i just got a puppy yesterday a little pomeranian , i am trying to just enjoy life. as hard as it for us all we get thru . with a little help from our wwu gals. kisses hugs 

[LaurieS]

What did you name the Pom?

[myree]

hi laurie
i called her lucy 1 beacuse of her fur colour and 2 she is a ball of fluff and fun . my hubby called from work 20 mins ago to say he missed her , sshh im not allowed to tell anyone that. it was just a way of giving ourselves a bit of fun and love

[Anna]

Hi Themuffin.
I can totally relate to your situation.  My ods totally turns things around to the way he wants them, or what works best for him.  I posted a comment on fb about my Dad & his sister & my ods gave his new bride the idea that it was about her & my other dil.  My Dad & his sister have not spoken for years, & I posted on fb that it took a bigger person to forgive & make amends, ods told ndil (new daughter in law) that it was about her & dil, cause they do not like each other, & ods said that I was trying to get them to kiss & make up.  Well ndil took great offense to that & said that she was not going to kiss anyones, well you know, & proceeded to cut me, my hubby, yds, dil, & our innocent gc out of her life, (ods life too), while befriending other family members.  She has not spoken to us since, walks away if we run into them at a store, & is generally very immature!!  I have so much on my plate right now, that I just can't deal with ndil at the moment. I guess it was best for ods no to have an obligation to us.  It's easier fo him if he doesn't have to fight hs new wife to see his family, so he has had very little contact with us.  He did come over Christmas day, told everyone in our family that he was going to divorce his new wife cause she wouldn't let him do anything or see anyone, then went back home & carried on with his life exactly the way it was. 
If my ods doesn't care enough to see us, if it's too much of a fight for him with his new bride, than do I really need someone that selfish in my life?  Not right now.  My Dad is ill & my Mom needs me.
So as long as I know my ods is healthy, I would be fine with him moving halfway around the world.  Now my yds & his family, well if they moved away, we would be following them.  lol  Yes they know we would follow them to the ends of the earth, we have discussed it many, many times.
Wishing you luck with your ds.  Take care of you.  (((((hugs)))))  Anna.

[Keys Girl]

You know Keys Girl it's really hard when your son wants to marry someone from another country... while we are all parents and I guess the problems are the same, there must be an Asian twist on their conversations.   I explained to my son's gf that I would slap my kid silly (not really I would speak harshly to them   )  about squinting their eyes at me in anger, but her eyes are always squinted   well unless she gets excited... like the time she went to a rodeo and turned to the audience and yelled.. they are real horses, I didn't know you use real horses

I don't doubt that the additional cultural issues make the burden of dealing with your son even harder.....I can't help it, your description of you always squinted eyes is somehow hitting my funny bone, unless she gets excited.......you are killing me here, and I hope you don't take offense but this thread and the descriptions in it has made me laugh more than any other.

I'm always searching the net for articles that would give me some insight on to some of the problems that we all face, and one of the articles I found recently said that adults who are "scarred" from their child hoods have two basic options: 1. Humiliate someone else and offload the anger/shame onto someone else in an effort to get it out of them 2. Get the counseling needed to adopt a responsible attitude that makes them responsible for their own lives and happiness.

I suppose we all could say we were "scarred" by our childhoods in some way, shape or form, for some people that means surviving a set of circumstances that might include abuse in many extreme forms and for others it might have been the "scarring" of having the wrong colour of ribbons in the bridal bouquet, an error by the florist which to them "ruined" the wedding.

It's been 80 years since the Great Depression and I remember hearing my own mother in law (who was very kind to me, and I to her) tell me about the responsibility of being the only working member in the family and worrying every Thursday about whether or not her pay envelope would contain the dreaded "pink slip" that she was not longer working and she, along with the rest of her family would have to worry about how they would eat for the next year or two.  I can't predict the future, but I sometimes wonder how the "entitled" generation would adjust if they were to find themselves in those circumstances after their parents had passed away. 

I think that every generation has it's major trauma, whether it was the Depression, WWII, Korea Vietnam, Iraq, etc.etc.  I hope that the adult children who are blaming their parents today for their unhappiness will step up to the plate when it comes time to take care of their children if the world hands them a set of circumstances they hadn't bargained for.  Time will tell, you find out people's character when you put them under pressure and I hope that some day the values I taught my son will surface and the squabbling, malicious backstabbing and blame shifting will be "chickensh*t" in comparison, but maybe not, some things are probably common to every generation, see the last two lines of the poem below.

The quote is from Shakespeare's King Lear.
....
Quoted:
....
LEAR:
It may be so, my lord.
Hear, nature, hear; dear goddess, hear!
Suspend thy purpose, if thou didst intend
To make this creature fruitful!
Into her womb convey sterility!
Dry up in her the organs of increase;
And from her derogate body never spring
A babe to honour her! If she must teem,
Create her child of spleen; that it may live,
And be a thwart disnatured torment to her!
Let it stamp wrinkles in her brow of youth;
With cadent tears fret channels in her cheeks;
Turn all her mother's pains and benefits
To laughter and contempt; that she may feel
How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child! Away, away!