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Son in Law from down below

Started by nanalu, April 05, 2011, 06:58:21 AM

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forever spring

Nana, I'm deeply saddened by your plight. It must be so bad to sit back when things that are happening to the person that is nearest to your heart gets hurt. It is said that women return to an abusive relationship about seven times before they can free themselves from it. I do hope that your daughter gets to this point, but as Luise mentioned, she has to do this out of her free will. There are many people accross the miles who are thinking of you and wish that things will be resolved. ((((((((((hugs))))))))) from me too.
Pity that we have to endure pain when we thought we had done a good job bringing up the kids and prime them for life in the outside word.

nanalu

Luise, I didn't quite understand your post. It has now been over 3 weeks since she has talked or written to me. I hurt more and more each day. I can hardly function without thinking about all this. I almost lost her to the encephalopathy, and now I feel I have truly lost her. It is like a death for me. I guess I am in awe too that my daughter who was always so loving and caring could be like this.
She says because she was not conscious of what went on when she was out for those three months, that she has to believe him. He truly has her convinced that he was there. And like I said in my previous posts, he lives in a small town in Missouri where his name is prominent, and he knows they would all back him. Even though all her friends knew what he was doing, they are all into appearances and being accepted, so they would never tell her differently. I just want this lonely sad feeling to go away.

luise.volta

I am saying something you may not be ready to hear. We can document lies, abuse and unfairness but we can't change it. We can sink under the weight of the reality of it...or we can rescue ousrselves from it.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

nanalu

 :'( :'( :'( Thanks for all the hugs and prayers from all. Today, I went back to work after being off for Spring Break. I was supposed to have gone to see my daughter and grandkids so it was a very hard break to go through. I am going to help with a pancake feed to aid Japan, and really pour myself into other community projects to help me get through this. I even called the hospital to see if they had a program where a person could go in and just hold the babies, but they don't do that anymore because of security reasons for the families. These are my only two grandkids, and I waited a long time to be a grandmother, so there are no other little kids to cherish right now.  I just want this heavy heart to lighten up once again. Again, thank you for all your kind words, hugs, and prayers.

luise.volta

I have a dear friend who has gone through all of this. She is a foster parent for babies to give them a loving start before they are placed. She finds deep joy in that. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

lancaster lady

Back in the days when we trusted people and took them at face value without all the security checks .
The nursery I used to run always welcomed adopted granny's !
As it was run under the church ''umbrella '' we welcomed older church members to help out with the little 'uns .
Nowadays of course this wouldn't  be allowed .I know health and safety comes first , but these older church
members were a God send on difficult days .

forever spring

Quote from: luise.volta on April 11, 2011, 04:41:30 PM
I am saying something you may not be ready to hear. We can document lies, abuse and unfairness but we can't change it. We can sink under the weight of the reality of it...or we can rescue ousrselves from it.

I don't seem to do the quotes nice and neat, I think.

I wanted to say that what you are saying is so true, Luise. We have the choice not to sink and be downtrodden! This is not an easy way out of a problem but at least we try and deal with it with our dignity intact. Nobody says this is easy - but in my view it's the only way to overcome.
I'm thinking of Nelson Mandela in this respect. Had he hated his captors, he could not have come out of that prison after 28 years and done the things he did after his release. The understanding he could muster for the people who behaved badly towards him made him strong.

forever spring

I did do that one nice and neat hurray :)

luise.volta

Yes, and a beautiful example! Thank you.  :D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

nanalu

Yesterday was my granddaughter's birthday It was so hard not to be a part of it. I did call and leave a message on the phone to her that I was thinking about her on her special day. If he heard it first, I fear that he would erase it. If not, I didn't hear anythng  back, not that I expected too, but I must be truthful, I thought I would. I am doing all I can to keep busy, and not think about all this, but I can't. I don't have the support from my husband, so it is really hard. I guess I just want someone to advocate for me just once. I stop my world for everyone in the family, but no one does this for me.  :'(

luise.volta

I t is so hard when we know kindess is actually easy and others haven't found that out. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

jill

Nanalu, I feel your pain.  I have a granddaughter who I love dearly, and miss very much.  What about sending her a card, letter, something tangible that cannot be erased, and hopefully your sil will allow her to have it..........Jill

nanalu

HE is totally in control HE checks the mail too, he would probably distroy it. He doesn't want me in their lives at all. I found a book about Parents who get hurt by adult children. I think this generation of adults is really different. My sister is dealing with the same thing with her SIL. He has her daughter not speaking to her because my sister's husband died, and he is angry that they didn't get any of the insurance money. Money that my sister needs. He had her daughter borrow 2000 dollars from her and then when my sister asked about the loan, her daughter told her it is not her money, and that she was not going to pay it back. Not that my sister's story makes me feel any better, but it does help me see that this generation is really selfish and greedy.

LaurieS

It's not the entire generation, but greedy self-serving individuals

luise.volta

Good point Laurie. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama