March 28, 2024, 06:37:59 AM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


What can I do to gain my daughters love and respect

Started by girl 9000, April 04, 2011, 03:44:06 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

girl 9000

My daughter 38 who I adopted as a 2 day old infant, can be the most loving person.  It warms my heart to think of those times when she has made me feel so loved.  The problem is those times come and go and come and then go again on and off for 20 years.  Presently she has not been in communication with me for18 months.  For the life of me I do not understand why she turns off so.  She has never made any kind of explaination for this behavior.   Any attempt I make to be involved with her life to learn about what she doing, what is happening is rejected.  Her step father, who she call Dad (her own father passed away many years ago) and I stopped at her home unannounced one day.  We did this because it seemed any time we asked to visit there were always reasons why it was not possible.  Only her husband was home as she was at work.  We had a nice visit for several hours before she arrived home.  She met us with most cold and vile look of despise I have ever seen from a daughter.  Since that time we have not been in touch at all.  I have no idea what it is I do, my husband may do, that causes such a vile reaction.  She never says anything.  There have been times when we have not seen eye to eye, usually just normal things, nothing big.  Just normal differences that should cause such a reaction on her part.
Sometimes I think its related to being adopted. To my knowledge She has never shown any interest in finding her birth parents, even though I have offered her information.  Has anyone had this kind of experience and can you offer some advise on how conquer this problem.

luise.volta

All I can contribute is that we have members here with biological daughters who act the same way, if that's any comfort. We just can't be close to those who make other choices. It takes two. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

jill

Welcome girl9000, so glad you found us.  Many of us here are going through the same pain as you are, being treated badly by our adult children.   It is comforting to know you are not alone, keep venting, there are many wise women here who will give you good advice.............Jill

lancaster lady

Hello 9000...
If it was my daughter , I would have to ask her .
If there have been no arguments and no reason for her coldness .
We spend lots of time wondering why in these circumstances , but there comes a time when enough is enough .
stress has lead to a deterioration of my health , so now I'm all for getting things out in the open .
How you approach this depends on your own relationship with your daughter , nothing to lose .
good Luck ...

Pooh

LL is right.  Have you had any conversations with her to why she feels this way?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pen

Welcome Girl 9000, I'm glad you found us but sorry you needed us, IYKWIM. Best wishes.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb