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Playing Favorites/Another birthday question

Started by pam1, April 04, 2011, 02:59:31 PM

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LaurieS

Quote from: justus on April 06, 2011, 01:16:50 PM
When she had GC, she went stupid.

LOL.. that description made me laugh... sometimes they do grow up... I have my fingers crossed

justus

I have mine crossed for you, as well. Even if SD hadn't gotten sane, GC is such an amazing kid, she would have loved and appreciated us despite DD. I think that will be the case for you.

justus

I have also been characterized as "uninvolved" by my own FOO. M is diagnosable. I won't go into it too deeply, but I will say that my M was/is afraid of abandonment. When I did the healthy thing and put my DH before her, she then went after my kids. So, even though my Ps were comparatively uninvolved, they totally criticized DH and I if we didn't go to every single little thing our kids did. I am not a helicopter parent, many of the things my kids did, they did even though I didn't even know these programs existed and they chose to do them themselves. They always had our support, but their drive was their own and I admire them for it. DD was afraid of water, but she joined the swim team. DS joined because DD had joined. DS was the star in two of our local children's theater productions and I didn't even know he tried out until he got the parts. They are pretty wonderful. I, if not DH went to everything I could go to. DH went to many events if not everything, but, he is their SD and their D never went to anything.

I can count on one hand the events my Ps attended of mine, but they attended almost all of my DS's, if not my DD's and used that as a comparison instead of their involvement my and my sibling's lives. 

I have been on so many sides of the judgement thing, and not always as the victim. I have mistakenly assumed so many erroneous things and been caught out you would think I would have learned my lesson, and yet I persist in being judgmental.

My children have seen that their GP's take on things is not to be taken seriously, but it took a while. I hope your DS and DIL will also see this. There is sometimes such a clash of cultures when people marry. I think this is why several religions warn against marrying outside one's religion and even the American Indians warn against marrying outside one's tribe. But love will come where it may and the rest of us just have to deal.

I truly think  that as your DS and DIL try to become a family on their own and are blocked by over-involved parents their tune will change.