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Required to spend too much time with DHs family...

Started by NotChattyCathy, March 30, 2011, 07:41:27 AM

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holliberri

That's okay FAFE, my g-ma copied her photo of DD to give to the cashier at the grocery store. Never met that cashier. Neither has DD. LOL.

catchingup

Quote from: NotChattyCathy on March 30, 2011, 07:41:27 AM
Hi everyone,

This is my first post, so thanks in advance for reading and any input you have!

So the general story is that between birthdays, celebrated holidays, family traditions, etc. there are on average 2 family gatherings a month on my DHs side and that does NOT include a weekend all together in the winter to go skiing and also an entire week together every summer. 

Unless we have an excuse that is acceptable TO THEM for missing any of these get-togethers, his parents get very angry and it becomes a problem.  Up until recently it was something that caused my husband and I a lot of arguments because he didn't mind spending so much time with them (his attitude was like "I love my family and I love my wife - I get the best of both worlds!") - whereas for me, as much as I do enjoy spending time with his family, I also love spending time with MY family, our friends, alone with each other, and at times alone by myself.  And now that we have 2 kids of our own, it's very important to us to spend a lot of time together as our own family unit.

My husband travels a lot more for work now too (sometimes over weekends) and our free time has become even more precious to us than it was before.  We have MUCH less time for ourselves or to spend with friends or relaxing, but the number of family obligations has only increased over time (like I said, they celebrate EVERY birthday so with every new grandchild, a new occasion to have a family party).  It bothers me that it becomes an issue if I don't want to have a family party with his family when it's MY birthday - what if I want to celebrate with MY family or with my friends or with just my husband and children???  Mother's Day also bothers me, we HAVE to have a party for his mom ON Mother's Day (which I'm required to help prepare food for every year), but what if I wanted to celebrate with my mom, or shock of shocks, enjoy Mother's Day with just my husband and children since I'M a mom now too??

Finally my husband and I are on the same page about this and he also sees the number of family obligations as extreme and also his parents' behavior as inappropriate if we don't attend one.  An additional problem to this is that his 2 sisters may well feel the same way, but they always go along with their parents and never speak up.  The last thing we want is for relationships to be damaged, but how do we reason with them if they just won't accept "logical reason"??

Move far away. :P 8) ;D :P 8) ;D ::)

LaurieS

Quote from: FAFE on April 01, 2011, 12:47:16 PM
This is OT from the main thread, but I drag my UPS man, Glenn, into the house to see the baby's newest pictures.

That's funny... my first 'regular' UPS man was also named Glenn.. maybe it's a requirement :)  My man in brown also keeps his daughter's Chihuahua, .. lol.. we have so much in common :)