Sad grandmother

[L]

I've never heard of an umbilical cord infection.  Is that what the doctor told them?  All you can do is tell them you think that perhaps they need to get the baby to a doctor as soon as possible if they haven't already.  Then it's up to them.  So sorry. 

[pam1]

I just phoned my D and offered help and was told the baby has an umbilical cord infection and is not gaining weight, has the same weight as born 10 days ago. I asked if they needed some help and I was told they don't need me to burden them on top of everything else (appointments, feedings and so on). The nurse sees him in community clinic and I can't understand how come they are not concerned with his weight, an umbilical cord infection can also be so serious for little baby like that! My D was telling me that she has headaches and doesn't feel well. As a mother I feel helpless and all I can do is just sit here and cry!

Do they have a meal service where you live?  Maybe you can provide something like that for a week or two.  My parents did that for me and I was so, so, so grateful.  I didn't say it at the time but I was so bone tired I couldn't even fix myself something to eat.  (DD was a preemie too and had to eat like every hour and all the meds, so stressful)

[jill]

Jana,
Congratulations on the birth of your grandson.  As everyone knows bringing a newborn home from the hospital is one of the most stressful times of your life.  It takes a while to settle in.  If she is seeing a nurse I am sure they will have everything under control.  Stress can really affect milk supply, so if he is not getting enough, I would think the nurse would recommend a supplement.
When my first gs was born my  ydd was determined to nurse which she did, but he did not gain much at first, I remember thinking how skinny he was.  I think she took something to increase milk supply and then he started gaining.
It sounds like your dd is really stressed, she probably also feels she wants to do this on her own, without any advice from anyone.  I am sure everything will be fine, he will turn a corner, and start gaining by leaps and bounds.  Best wishes....Jill

[LaurieS]

As everyone knows bringing a newborn home from the hospital is one of the most stressful times of your life.  It takes a while to settle in.

Are are allowed to say Amen!!!!

[Scoop]

And Laurie, can you imagine how stressful it is to bring a teeny-tiny 4 lb newborn home, when you're feeling like garbage?  My DD was 7.5 lbs and that's almost TWICE as big as Jana's new GS.  Oh that poor woman.

Also Jana, maybe your DD doesn't want to burden you with 'work' around her house.  If she thinks of you as 'frail' in anyway, she won't be asking you to vacuum or do laundry.

Jana, is there a dish that you make that DD likes (and can eat one-handed while nursing the baby)?  Talk to your SnIL and see if you can bring it over.

As for the meds & the milk, please don't worry about that.  There are blood pressure meds that are safe for pregnant and nursing women.  However, if it's the one I think it is, it makes you feel AWFUL.  Your poor DD is certainly having a rough start at motherhood!  She should be at home nursing a fat & sassy baby, and here, she feels like garbage, and her poor skinny baby is sick.  I really feel badly for her and I hope things turn around soon.

[Pooh]

Good job Jana.  You called and offered and they said no.  That's all you can do at the moment.  Wait for them, although I know it's hard because you are just worried about the GB and DD. 

I was going to breastfeed, but when I got my OS home, he would feed and then start screaming within 30 minutes.  I forget the technical term right now, but I was producing the stuff you do for the first few days, which is then supposed to be followed by milk.  (I'm so glad you all know what I was referring to...Lol.)  So by the time he fed for a while, then screamed 30 minutes later, I was feeding every hour.  On top of that, anyone that does this knows, it is not the most comfortable feeling in the world at first!  So I was literally looking at him going, "Seriously, you have got to be kidding."  I was miserable, he was miserable. I was exhausted, but nobody could help me with it because I was having to keep him on my chest constantly.  I am 100% I probably snapped at my Mother, my MIL, my DH, the TV, passing cars, the garbage man......because I had absolutely no sleep for days.  Plus, as Holli was talking about, I had the most spectacluar vision of doing natural birth.  No medicine, nada.  Oh, I was superwoman for 36 hours and did it all natural.  I am not bragging.....I am reminding myself how stupid I was!  What they don't tell you is that you can do it all natural, but if you tear....yeah, which I did badly in four directions, you now have to have shots (down there) that made me come out of the bed!  I had 72 stiches, so the last thing I wanted to do, was sit down. 

This went on for 3 days, and he was soooo hungry all the time, and I was in such pain from feeding constantly.  I called my midwife and she had me come in.  He was losing weight and turns out, my milk wouldn't come in.  They gave me pills to help, and two days later, nothing.  So I had to put him on formula.  I felt like a total failure, was hurting, exhausted and I am sure what we would call depressed over the whole thing.

So if this is happening with you DD, plus on top of that, the baby is having some medical issues that she is worried to death about, plus the C-section, plus still reeling for all the months on bed rest.....bless her heart.  I know you just want to help them and have the best intentions, but she probably sees everyone right now as something else for her to deal with.  When you are in that state of mind, you don't see it as help, even if it is.

You are going to be a great GM Jana, and they just need time.  They know they call you any time, day or night and you would do anything for them.  They know it.

(And for future reference, second child?  You bet your bottom dollar I planned for an epidural when I was 6 weeks pregnant!)

[pam1]

OMG Pooh.  I used to be upset because I didn't tear at all...lol (DD was under 5 lbs too) and it made me think I was a freak down there.  But now, I'm so glad after reading what you went through.  Oh my, how painful.  Of course you'd snap at everyone, yikes. 

[Pooh]

My OS weight 7lb 14 oz and had a head the size of a basketball!  He did eventually grow into it thank goodness. 

[pam1]

I measured one of my younger brothers heads (he's 10 years younger than me) when he was 3 and it was bigger than mine, much bigger.  He's very smart lol but dang, I can't imagine that. 

[Pooh]

Well I don't consider myself naive, but I remember yelling at her, "You're gonna put that needle where???"

[LaurieS]

Jana... I too developed severe preeclampsia with my first child, while he was full term, he was only 4.4 lbs and 17" long.  It was a struggle as he was also born without a sucking reflex.... my baby had to stay in the hospital for a few days  after I was discharged.  The day I brought him home he was 4.8 lbs and I was exhausted... I don't know if I felt like a failure but I do know that I felt guilty about the obvious, which was I did not give my son what he needed during his development.  Natural things like breastfeeding became a chore.. first the no sucking reflex.. then we weren't together, then pure exhaustion kicked in.

I asked my mother not to come up to soon after my first was born... I had my mil with me because I really needed the kind of help that she could offer.. my mil is a one woman cleaning machine, fantastic cook and I knew that my dh would be more at ease with his mother being around then to feel like he had to in part entertain my mother.  It didn't dawn on me at first but my dh was as exhausted as I was.. mentally and physically.. looking back no one took that into consideration.

It took me 3 weeks to begin to feel like a whole person again... it was 3 weeks before I could breath easier around my new baby and begin to feel truly comfortable in this role of mother.  Give your  daughter a little more time, she may just be struggling and if she is suffering from any form of depression it will add a cloud that she will have to fight through as well. 

What you can do for her is to let her know that you are there if needed.. encourage her to speak honestly with her own doctor as well as her pediatrician, especially if she is feeling the weight of depression.  Offer to have meals delivered, or what I would have loved was to have a cleaning service come in every so often for the first 3 months.  Find out what your sil needs as well..I'm sure he is getting stretched thin.. a complimentary lawn mowing for a month.. sometimes it's the little things that seem to add up when you are so short on time.  I do feel that encouraging her to understand that postnatal depression even in mild doses needs to be addressed by her physician.

Wishing you and your daughter luck... Be patient, I'm sure she'll come around when she feels that she has retained some control in her life.

[Pen]

My OS weight 7lb 14 oz and had a head the size of a basketball!  He did eventually grow into it thank goodness. 

If he gives you any guff about doing what you ask, just remind him about his big head....he'll get the point, LOL. "Eewww, Mom!"

[holliberri]

Tagging onto what Laurie said: I had a great c-section recovery and wasn't in a lot of pain, and my baby was formula fed, slept great, ate great and wasn't fussy for the first few weeks.

She was perfect, for some reason, I was not. I was exhausted. It was the biggest culture shock for  me, and it took place in my very own home. I appreciate that downtime I had to recover myself, even if only mentally/emotionally. It was 6 weeks before I was ready for visitors. DH was also totally exhausted too. And more people around tends to add to our frustrations and  stress, so we both agreed on that ground rule.

[lancaster lady]

You all know my story ....new born baby was a no go area for me .
I know how helpless you feel Jana , but he will be getting the best medical help available .
If they think he is in trouble , the medics will step in immediately , they won't let his weight
drop for too long .
Babies are strong little things and tougher than we think .
Let us know how he's doing when you get some news ....LL

[luise.volta]

We are in your corner. Step back. It feels like it is aobut you but it isn't. Take a deep breath. Sending love...