Where do I go from here?

[AnonymousDIL]

Well, I never misuse techi-terms! No, not none of me! Lets see...ISP: People say that around me a lot. It means "Isn't she pretty?"

LOL You are TOO Much!

[LaurieS]

Yes Luise.. that is exactly what ISP stands for (the things we do to humor some people )

Haven't seen you on lately Luise... everything ok?

[luise.volta]

Laurie: My new Mac has me locked in her jaws! I try to write on MS Word and no matter how many times I try to kill it bold highlights itself and then the huge black print hurts my eyes...stuff like that. (And Techi-Kirk and Sandy are vacationing in Utah!)

[LaurieS]

if you didn't go with one of those artsy machines I could help you buttttttt.... I'm sure someone here uses a Mac besides you

[luise.volta]

It happens when I copy and  paste a question from my eamil to Word to work on it before publishing on MomResponds.com. I have this monster so Kirk can get inside it from Kauai and fix anything that needs fixing...so we shall see. I've darkened my screen down as far as it will go to lessen the contrast but it's still awful. Oh, well...

[Pen]

Kathleen, I love your suggestions for getting our lives back. Even when we know better we can lose ourselves in childrearing, forgetting we were independent people with interests, experiences, needs and desires of our own.

[myree]

jill
((((((())))))))) hugs , please remember you are more than just a role your a person too i have a grand daughter too and wonder how long it will be before i get cut out of her life by the spite ful  nasty person i used call my wonderful daughter,luckily i have an option in australia grand parents get visitation rights . if you have other grown up kids focus on them family husband ect maybe a big sister type of program where you can mentor a young woman ect . i wish i could take away your hurt 

[Nana]

Jill...I do feel your pain.  The worst thing that ever happened to me was when I had a bad relationship with dil and this jeopardized seeing my gs.  I had to make some changes because it was tearing me apart, and turning me into a rag (which by the way I was starting to believe I was a rag).   The price of recovering one's life is so high.  Sometimes it involves losing a son/daughter or grandchildren.   But as Kathleen said" So it be" .  We should never lose ourselves and only to get a crumb if you get lucky.   Enough is Enough...when we feel helpless, hopeless and with no self-worth.    Enough is Enough when it is more than we can take and we feel miserable.  We deserve to be happy and fulfill....we are not dead.  I hope that you can follow Kathleen advice which by the way is great.  As Luise and some other wise ladies here say....we cannot change others but sure can change ourselves.   I wish you the best of luck....love, peace and strength. 

Kathleen:  I have not seen you post for a long time.  I always loved your posts.  They make a lot of sense to me.   You can put into words what many of us think but cannot put it in a clear logical form.  I am so happy about your book.  You are a very good writer and intelligent.    What you mentioned about not loving dil because she has not earned that love is true.  I used to think..."why does dil doesnt love me<  I love her."  But now I am thinking... probably I did not love her then but love the idea of having a loving relationship with her.   Now I do love her because now she is nice to me. 

Thanks for your post Kathleen.

Love

[Pooh]

Jill, I am so sorry about her doing this again to you.  I have nothing to add to everyone else's advice, but wanted you to know I really hate it for you.  Hang in there...you are so worth it!

[jill]

Thanks again everyone for your replies.  LL - I do think she wants to hate me, and makes things up.  After this incident supposedly happens, she called me that evening about something else, and was pleasant, never mentioned this incident.  So I can only assume she had nothing to complain about so made something up.  Now I would not only have to walk on eggshells, I would have to keep a poker face. 
L - I am retired and I love it, I keep very busy with different activities, so I have lots to fill my time, but it does not fill the hole in my heart.
Pooh - I love your quote about being yourself.............................Jill 

[Barbie]

Jill,

I don't have that much more to add, just want to tell you that I'm sorry this is happenning to you. Time will ease your pain, although you will always love her and miss her.

Kathleen,

Great post! I'm already trying to do that and succeding to some extent, you encourage me to go on and not look back.

                                           (((Hugs)))

[lancaster lady]

Jill:

Don' t you just hate that ? Guarded conversations .....
I don't understand how one minute she wants nothing more to do with you , and the next she is having pleasant conversations
with you .
She obviously doesn't mean what she is saying in the heat of the moment , I would take her rants with a pinch of salt .
When she's sees you're not rattled , she'll maybe stop her cruel statements .
Hard to understand these kids , they don't realise the harm they do when they kick off .

[Tara]

Jill,

I can relate to the pain of an up and down relationship with your dd.  It can be so anguishing.

I wondered about one thing you said early on that she didn't feel you loved her.  Did I read that right?
did she say why she thought that?


Kathleen,  I love hearing about the ways you self care and also about your book!

warm wishes to you both

[Hope]

Jill,
I hope you find a way to deal with your sadness and come out feeling confident and happy.  I know it's not right what's happening to you - not fair - and confusing.  I liked what others wrote about trying to concentrate on your life goals, activities, and successful relationships.  It's so sad to lose a child and grandchildren.  I feel like I lost my ds......and I don't feel like a real gm to my only gc (ds's son).  I understand how it effects your attitude about life.  It can take you over.  We need to try to set that relationship on the back burner if we can so we can be around healthy relationships and activities.  I know how hard that is - but let's give it our best efforts.  I'm still trying to work on it myself.  It's the worst after I see my ds/dil/gc at a large gathering.  It makes it all so real. I feel so much better when I just don't see them at all.  It would be different if they spoke to me when they saw me (other than hi and bye).  It would be different if my ds would ask me about my life or call me occasionally to see how I'm doing.   Or if I saw them alone - rather than at large gatherings.  I know my ds probably doesn't realize how hurtful this is to me - or care.  That's why I have to just try to move on.
Kathleen - I have always loved reading your posts and believe that you have the makings of a successful author.  Please let us know when you are ready to release your first book so we can buy it.
Love and hugs, Hope

[Barbie]

Dear Hope,

I want to share something with you. My DS who used to call me everyday has been calling me a couple of times a week now, and we get to see him and GD every couple of months when they come, while I agree it's much better this way than in a large gathering where DIL's family is present, it's still not the ideal situation as I feel that he's watching every single move I make with GD, he doesn't trust me? how quickly he forgot the person that I am all that I did for him, our relationship is so diferent to the one we used to have, when they leave we're left wondering if we'll ever see them again so instead of being happy, we're left with such emptiness that it's hard to enjoy the moment. We keep hoping and dreaming that things will change but they don't.