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I'm so jealous of Holliberri!

Started by Scoop, March 22, 2011, 07:28:48 AM

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Scoop

Thank you Seasage for reminding me to focus on the positive.

We'll get to see SisIL, BIL and their kids.  I love my SisIL (DH's sister) so much, she's such a nice person.  We already have Easter treats lined up for the kids.

Flowers eh?  I'll see what I can do.  Bunches of tulips would be lovely.

And Holliberri, I will try to detach and just not care what she says.  It's true, it doesn't matter, because she doesn't have a 'say' in how we do things.

Pen

Quote from: Scoop on March 23, 2011, 06:19:38 AM
Thanks guys.  I know it's not completely hopeless.  It's more like death by a 1000 papercuts.  No one thing MIL does is ever a deal breaker, but man, they add up to a lot of frustration.

I don't know why MIL won't ask what we like to eat.  When I think rationally, I know that she's not intentionally making stuff we don't like.  I think it's more a matter of her thinking that Everyone likes the same things she likes.  Unfortunately, the side effect of that is that if you don't like the same thing she likes, she perceives it that you don't like HER.  (Pen - does that ring true for how your DIL is?)

Sadly Pen, my mantra is (usually) "Don't mess with me.  You will not win."  Or else I get walked all over.

Visits with my DF & SM are like that - they can be clueless and self-centered. Imagine planning activities that include bad (but earnest) interpretive dance, "message" folk singers (again, bad but earnest) and a yummy pot luck of things like lentils, tempeh and goat meat? Perhaps a lovely outing for the adults but certainly not for the kiddoes. My kids were fairly adventurous about food, but that was a bit much. Don't even ask about the available food back at DF & SM's house.

Scoop, my DIL may see things that way. We don't criticize her, we go to the restaurants she likes, cook her favorites, and adjust our activities to her preferences so I haven't gotten any specific input on that. Perhaps our low-key lifestyle is seen as a statement about her high-powered, high-maintainence one. Mostly she criticizes/doesn't like us. We think she's great (except for the not liking us part.)

You might consider a new mantra....perhaps one that puts a Mona Lisa-type, enigmatic smile on your face rather than a glare?  ;)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

tryingmybest

goat meat? Yikes.. :o

"Mostly she criticizes/doesn't like us. We think she's great (except for the not liking us part.)" Lady you are a hoot! She should thank her lucky stars to have you in her life!


misunderstood

I love Seasages suggestions, how positive.

I've also in the past brought things out of my fridge that DD eats but are unlikely to be in house we're visitng by saying - well they needed using up and by commenting very favourably on the dishes we prefer.

I've also done the its lovely of you to have us how about I cook tonight - sometimes works and sometimes doesn't but might help on food preferences as even cooking the same dish a different way can be off putting for a young or fussier child.

When negative comments are directed at others try and find a positive to say about the person child in question. 

LaurieS

You know with my mil and mom.. I would say.. are you crazy  what kid is going to eat that stuff.. really now, if we can't fix a normal meal, then I'll take them to McDonalds and they will think I'm trying for Mother of the Year.

pam1

You guys are such good MIL's.  I must have been horrible in a past life to get this lottery.  Not only are my eating preferences made fun of (they call me a snob and an elitist) they are also simply not offered to me.  LOL.  When I host, I make sure I cook their way and have something for everyone.  But nope, no way...can't do it for Pam.  She's just an east coast snob. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

LaurieS

lol are you demanding grilled fish tacos with a la minced escargot sauce, topped with organic lettuce  is only spun dry?

LaurieS

seriously Pam.. what types of food do you tend to eat?  I really do want to know. .. we've chuckled over a few things that my fdil eats.. but we do it all in a good natured way.. I hope.  but really who munches on dried seaweed as a snack and how was I suppose to just have that in my pantry?

pam1

Only the best for me!  But dang, that does sound good. 

No, I don't even request anything.  I just don't eat meat, really.  No one usually has a problem with it cause I can eat side dishes and I'm fine so I rarely ever have to request special meals cause I just work around it.  But oh no, ALL sides must have meat in it.  Even salads, must have meat.  I think she even made homemade oatmeal with meat in it once, ham or something.  And I'm not even a vegetarian for humanitarian purposes, I just can't eat it, never really have been able too.

So on top of that, they will talk about all the elitist vegetarians (I swear, this is a hot topic for them) and how they are all sickly and pale.  LOL, when I'm like 50 shades darker than them.  lol, it's just so funny.  Every time, every dinner.  Ugh.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

pam1

Quote from: Laurie on March 29, 2011, 04:16:47 PM
seriously Pam.. what types of food do you tend to eat?  I really do want to know. .. we've chuckled over a few things that my fdil eats.. but we do it all in a good natured way.. I hope.  but really who munches on dried seaweed as a snack and how was I suppose to just have that in my pantry?

Hah, dried seaweed lol...that reminds me of this girl I went to boarding school with from Indonesia.  She came back to school from vacation and asked me if I wanted to try some Indonesian candy...of course, Pam never turns down sweets.  It was dried octupus lol. 

I basically just eat seafood, veg and fruit.  I must be a freak cause even as a kid I would order a salad at McDonalds instead of burgers and stuff.  But...oh, I like sweets. 

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

LaurieS

I'm one of these that always tries to make what everyone likes.. if I'm missing one kid for a period of time I find myself even making his favorite meal...  lol ham in the oatmeal.. reminds me of the recipe I saw yesterday for chocolate chip bacon cookies

Pen

WW, I must apologize for sounding small-minded on my post from a few days ago, even though no one has made a point of speaking up about it. I realized after I posted that I sounded like I was critical of the food that was served at the pot luck my DF & SM invited us to. Far from it - DH & I have friends from all over the globe and from many traditions who share wonderful, if unfamiliar, food to us. We're both very curious and eager to find out about the food of all cultures. My point was about taking little kids into consideration when planning activities. If I offended anyone I am so very sorry.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

LaurieS

Oh Pen... I don't think you could insult us if you tried :)  Your post made perfect sense.

I'm not that great of a cook so our menu is a little more limited.. tonight dh is having dinner in a can... lol he's so patient at times

pam1

Pen, I don't think you sounded small minded at all.  It did make sense, it's a know your audience type of thing and clearly your DF/SM didn't want to or care to.  It really doesn't matter what the food was, it was clear that kids and their guests wouldn't eat it.  I know exactly where you're coming from. 

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

holliberri

Quote from: Laurie on March 29, 2011, 04:16:47 PM
seriously Pam.. what types of food do you tend to eat?  I really do want to know. .. we've chuckled over a few things that my fdil eats.. but we do it all in a good natured way.. I hope.  but really who munches on dried seaweed as a snack and how was I suppose to just have that in my pantry?

Um, I do. It is in my pantry. I make california rolls all the time for dinner. Seaweed is a staple around here.  :)