Hurtful Adult Sons - Any Advice/Insight Welcome

[Pen]

"Don't give up five minutes before the miracle." I love that! I'm interpreting it to mean keeping the door unlocked while going about my life rather than beating my poor head against the wall that is my sitch with DS/DIL.

Sometimes we need to back off and let the miracle just happen on its own. So hard to do.

[Nana]

Yes Pen  I loved it also.  "Giving up 5 minutes before the miracle".   

I share this with you

YOU DO NOT WAVER:

If in the fight the destiny demolishes to you
If everything in your way is uphill
If your smile is unsatisfied anxiety
If there is excessive task and vile harvest
If to their volume docks are opposed,
it dates a truce. But you do not waver!

Rudyar Kipling


Love

[Faithlooksup]

Hello Sad Mom,   Wow, can I relate to your story.......My X was horrible, i had to fight for child support, he would not show up when he was to take my boys for the weekend, leaving them sad and I dried the tears.....Forever games being played......He was to busy with other women and rarely paid any attention to my little guys......

So i was Mom and Dad--the good guy/the bad guy persay and he (the X) walked on water and could do no wrong...He was praised, I was sneered at...Life goes on the children grow up and things change.......

I have an anology however this is only "My Humble Opinion."....They know what they have with you Mom and now they need to find out what they missed with Dad......They need to know him along with worshipping the ground they walk on for they fear looseing him again--it all stems back to the child within...I at times feel Boys take this more seriously than the girls do.....  I also have a 28 year old along with a 30 year old~~they have both turned their backs on me to be closer to their Father...........But guess what, things change again when, they stop looking thru those rose colored glasses and they find out whom and what this "Hero" of a man they called Dad truley is...The wheel of life forever changes.

Sad Mom, let your son go, let him Grow and learn~~let him find out all that he needs to discover, he will always Love  you even when you think he does not and he knows your door for him is always open, for when his discovery has been fulfilled~~he will be back a different Man.......

Sometimes their discovery is quick, sometimes it takes Years and years, but just move forward without him, do not give him any more money, let him fend his own way he is a grown man...  Start to live your life and Just Believe...

Please remember this is just my opinion~~it does not mean it is right, nor wrong...However it is something which has happened to me...

Wishing you Peace...Faith

[Keys Girl]

Sadmom, I was told a long time ago that children will often punish the parent they trust the most because they can't punish the parent who deserves to be as the bond is so slender and the risk of losing the relationship so high.

I don't know if that is what is happening to me now (as I'm no longer on speaking terms with my son, at his request), but i do know that the only thing I can do is go on with my life, and let the chips fall where they may.  He will unlikely ever receive any approval from his father, but may take another few decades for him to realize that of his own accord.  Let him "honor" his father......he's still seeking the approval and love he didn't get as a young child as my son is doing.  I can't change these dynamics, just minimize the effect their continuing under the surface squabbles have on my life........

I have stopped trying to figure out what I did wrong but do remember what I did right.  I have boxes of photos from his early days and lots of memories of the good times that I organized while he was growing up.  I suspect that my son won't understand how difficult is it to be a parent, let alone a single parent until his first child is born.

I hope you'll drive on, keep looking through the windshield and do everything you can to make yourself happy, and concentrate on your own life, don't bother wasting a minute checking the rear view mirror, those days are gone!