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No hope for loss of son or DIL liking MIL

Started by Louey0727, November 04, 2009, 10:58:15 am

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lilyofthevalley

Maybe it's because I lived in a big city where locking doors was required, but if I heard someone come into my home, I was reaching for my baseball bat, not my tea pot. 

I don't know that I do anything special with my son and DIL, I think it's more that I take care of myself and don't expect them to.  I've got a sewing club that meets, a supper/cards club, church events, activities to do with my other kids (I say kids, the youngest is in college), spending some time with my husband, and some other volunteer activities, so we honestly have to sit down and figure out when our schedules will work. 

I think that the schedule thing also would put me in the "you're interrupting" catergory.  I love being busy, but if I've planned a tea for my sewing club and my neighbor stops by unannouced, I'm going to have to say this isn't a good time can I get back with you.  Because it isn't, I have 16 people over or about to come over who are expecting to be hosted for snacks and to sew/knit. 

While I agree with the original poster that it would have been really nice for her DIL to include her in the meal, I can't help but feel a bit of sympathy for the DIL who had obviously planned an occasion to honor her mom on Mother's Day, made the guest list, made the food, and then had someone show up in the middle of it.  That just throws me for a loop when I'm trying to get a party together.  It's a shame her son didn't plan something similar for her.

2chickiebaby

As I said, I think your attitude is great and you are totally understanding.  I envy you because I'm way too sensitive for my own good.  I realize that for sure.

I really don't expect anyone to take care of me as I have the same type of activities that you have, though not the same in particular.  I also run a business full time so I am very busy.

I wanted a family and maybe I have a skewed vision of what a family is; I'm sure I do. In my heart, I know that it's not all together strange for me to feel this way because I see so many others who do have very close relationships with their kid's families. I think I'm jealous.

My heart broke for for the poster who walked in on a celebration of Mother's Day when the Mother of the son's husband was in the hospital.  It is very hard and lonely to not only be forgotten on that day but to have a husband in the hospital at the same time.  You are just looking for a soft shoulder to lean on. It's hard not to expect that to be from your grown child.

To see a celebration for Mother's Day when you're already really lonely and your own son forgot you has to be one of the lowest blows of her life. 






just2baccepted

November 06, 2009, 12:37:28 pm #17 Last Edit: November 06, 2009, 12:44:33 pm by just2baccepted
Lily what is a supper/cards club?  I love playing cards that sounds really neat.


Also I'm a DIL but I would have said "oh come on in and have dinner with us"  its really only one person.  I know what you mean though about planning everything cause I'm like that too and if I'm entertaining people I want it to go perfectly.  But assuming they knew that her DH was in the hospital having surgery.  I just think I could put my concerns about my plans and food behind me and invite this poor woman in.  Especially if she was a sweet lady.  And then DIL didn't even tell DH that his mom stopped by, oh that's just hearbreaking, especially when you're going through a medical crisis, just my thoughts.  I try to put myself in other peoples shoes.

2chickiebaby

You are such a rare gem......so unusual to have a young woman with a heart like yours.  Wish you were mine!

AnnieB

though I also don't like to have univited people show up.... the whole Mother's Day thing makes me appreciate my 2nd DIL even more.  This year she had a brunch for her Mom, my mom and me.   If she had done something else for her mom it wouldn't have mattered since she had the inclusive brunch.

She's a gem :)

2chickiebaby

yes, it does help when you have at least one DIL who is good to you.  Glad she had you and your Mom over and her Mom too.  So sweet!!

I guess we should be thankful for the nice ones and know that the ones who ignore us have their own reasons for not including us.  Still hurts, though.  Thanks for the insight, AnnieB about wanting your GS just to know someone they bonded with.  Good thought.