March 28, 2024, 10:22:06 AM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Need help for this MIL

Started by Mama Tani, February 24, 2011, 05:33:23 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

lancaster lady

Problem is when your DIL doesn't stay over , or let you look after your GK.
as for the car seat ....my DIL sent to Sweden for hers ( we are in the UK ).
She paid 300 Euros for it as was the safest one you can buy .
so any old thing in my car certainly would not do I'm afraid .
however I will ask her Holli , if maybe a travel cot ,as we call them , would be  a good idea to have
when they visit for baby's nap ....good one !

LaurieS

Quote from: Pooh on March 09, 2011, 05:32:12 AM
"Don't sweat the small stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff"
I like that Pooh

LaurieS

I  could not fault any young mother for wanting to make sure she has the safest equipment protecting her child.. I would think that there aren't many grand parents out there who wouldn't want the same. 

It is unfortunate that actions that are meant as kindness are perceived quite differently between MIL's and DIL's.  But after hearing from a couple MIL's who really do feel that they have a 'right' to have their grandchildren over for overnight stays without the parents I can see where lines have to be drawn.  Once again the minority  has tried to ruin it for the rest.

Since I do not lump or view my own DIL into a generic mold, I hope she gives  me the chance to be who I am without the attached MIL stereotyped persona. I really only want for her to have a happy healthy baby and while I will not have a nursery set up here for the baby, I'm sure we can provide whatever she thinks she would need equipment wise if they were to visit overnight.

lancaster lady

I hope so to Laurie .
I wish I had known about this forum before my GD came along .Maybe I could have missed all the pitfalls.I didn't foresee any of them .

Pooh

I wouldn't put in a whole nursery either Laurie.  But I would buy a crib and put it in the guest room if I knew my DIL was expecting and they visited.  The difference in thinking is, I wouldn't consider it my right to have the baby spend the night just because I bought it.  I would do it for convenience of anyone staying at the house.  There will be more GC too and so I will go ahead and get it so if they do come over, even for a day visit, they have someone to put the baby, and all the GC could use it.   The next DIL or Guest might appreciate it, maybe not.  If no one uses it, I will eventually donate it to someone that could use it.

If my DIL doesn't want to use it, that's ok.  If she doesn't like it, that's ok.  Because it's not all about her.  I'll have it for others possible GC and guests.  No biggie.

I also keep extra toothbrushes, soaps, shampoos, toothpaste and small essentials in a basket in the guest room.  Doesn't mean anyone has to use it, just consideration in case someone forgets something and needs it.  No hidden agenda, no innuendos, just being nice.

But I do recognize there are MILs out there that would have an agenda.  I'm just not one of them, even though my DIL might think differently.  Oh, who am I kidding, she would think differently. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

LaurieS

Yep Pooh, some are just bent on seeing the world in black.  This may sound really tacky.. but I don't want to use up my guest room with a crib, since it's only one grandchild.  I got to see my son 2 full days all of last year because I would not combine her family into all our plans, so how many days do you think I'd see a grandchild?  Nope, I'll rent or borrow if they are visiting and they need some sort of supplies.

Oh I do the same things with my guest rooms and baths.. stock them up with goodies.. when my dd's bf comes over he always seems to need to shower here (we know he's clean :) ) I keep his bath stocked with that Axe soap.. he fills my house with the most wonderful fragrance.. he almost turns into a walking glade wick. 

AnonymousDIL

Quote from: Laurie on March 09, 2011, 08:14:27 AM
Yep Pooh, some are just bent on seeing the world in black.  This may sound really tacky.. but I don't want to use up my guest room with a crib, since it's only one grandchild.  I

That's funny! When DH and I got our house, the front bedroom (now guest room) was supposed to be for me because he had the basement and the office.... Well, I was quite peeved when he moved his big bed in there. It seriously takes up half the room! Now I don't spend any time in there. I also don't like overnight guests. We don't have any friends or family that live far enough away to warrant an overnight visit. Sooooo, the rooms sits with that big bed going to waste (as well as my "craft room")  :(

luise.volta

Time for that clunker of a bed to go to Goodwill! Would that create Badwill?

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

Lol...we don't have them often either ADIL, but it makes me feel good to know it's there.

And here comes my warped sense of humor......Do you know how many women friends I have, and a Mother that keep a huge dining room, all nice and dressed up, to use maybe 2 times a year?  I bet if you ask them they will say they do it, because they like it, it is pretty and they have it for special occasions if it arises.  I think of my guest room the same way...Lol.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pen

My DH isn't much of a party guy, so anything I want to purchase that means "company may be on the horizon" makes him go all deer-in-the-headlights. Sort of the bizarro-world version of a DIL who freaks when MIL buys a crib or a car seat, LOL.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

FAFE

And, another thing.  My daughter travels two or three times a year.  My SIL is a detective for his local county.  He is on call at various time during the week.  This was his own words, if A is working (travelling) and I'm on call, I can bring the baby to stay with you.  Right?  Oh, YES SIR!  We'd love to help!  Other than that, until she is older I don't expect many overnight visits.  When she turns one, I will start having her one day a week for Fafe and C time.  Granddaddy will enjoy it too. 

lancaster lady

PEN:
That made me laugh out loud for real ....hahaha..!!

AnonymousDIL

Quote from: luise.volta on March 09, 2011, 08:45:59 AM
Time for that clunker of a bed to go to Goodwill! Would that create Badwill?

Most definitely lol He built it with his dad! lol