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Acceptance

Started by irenic, March 02, 2011, 02:46:35 PM

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Nana

Irenic

Accepting the fact of no-contact with your daughter is hard and not an easy thing to do.  If we value ourselves, we teach others to treat us with respect.  As the other ladies say "give her time" and she will come back to you.  You deserve to be happy, start with little things that make you happy.  Noone has the right to take that away from you.  You are the captain of your life  and you get to choose what your priorities are.   now, your priority is to feel well and healthy. 

Long time ago, my husband and I separated for 9 months.  I suffered and mourn his departure.  I got well, strong and continued with my life, after we got back together, we realized that this separation had been necessary to mend our differences.  It is indeed what saved our marriage. 
We sometimes do not understand why these things happen, but sometimes the outcome is good....very good. 

I wish the best for you.  Cheer up beautiful lady. 

Love you




Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

holliberri

I've been a GK that has gone through the same thing, and I would've preferred my GPs just backed off when my mother had asked. Instead, they continued to to send me gifts and letters, then tried contacting us, showed up in the school parking lot to "visit" me and ultimately consulted a lawyer about visitation rights. I resent that they did all of this; I've never forgotten it. I love them, but I am well aware of the lengths they'll go to and the boundaries they'll cross because they can't manage their own pain. I can very well see them doing with me what they did with my mother. I would have preferred they allowed my mom and her family the space she was asking for, no matter how hard it was for them.  Instead, they kept putting me in the middle, which made me uncomfortable; and overall, repeated the very same behaviors my mom was asking them to stop.

I can't put it into practice now, but I don't think I can do what my GPs did.  If my child is asking for space and time apart from me, I have to grant her that; I think that automatically means no contact with her children either.  She comes first to me, anyhow; as my child, no matter what she may do to me.

I like Pen's idea; b/c it's private, personal and non-invasive. I think if my GPs did that, they would've found some comfort and I certainly would've been touched. I would see they loved my mom enough to respect her wishes as well. 


luise.volta

This is a great thread...about acceptance. Lets run with it. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Faithlooksup

Acceptance:    God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, (people, family)
                       Courage to change the things I can,  (my Life~~Myself)
                       And the wisdom to know the difference.  ( it either is or is not-there is no gray area)

luise.volta

My road to acceptance began when I realized "it" was about them not me. Whew! (I had a little more trouble when I flipped out and realized "it" was about me and not them!)   ;)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Faithlooksup

Quote from: luise.volta on March 04, 2011, 03:42:13 PM
My road to acceptance began when I realized "it" was about them not me. Whew! (I had a little more trouble when I flipped out and realized "it" was about me and not them!)   ;)
This is so very true Luise and "it" does take sometime, until you finially do got "it."  Love that one.....

Rose799

Quote from: Faithlooksup on March 04, 2011, 04:00:15 PM
Quote from: luise.volta on March 04, 2011, 03:42:13 PM
My road to acceptance began when I realized "it" was about them not me. Whew! (I had a little more trouble when I flipped out and realized "it" was about me and not them!)   ;)

"It" finally hit home yesterday that it isn't about me!!!  Yahoo!!! -  Will you please explain the other half, Luise?  Have you suggestions on how to avoid the flipping out phase?   

This is so very true Luise and "it" does take sometime, until you finally do got "it."  Love that one.....

How did you become so confident, Faith?  I truly admire that in you...

Faithlooksup



How did you become so confident, Faith?  I truly admire that in you...

[/quote]Hi Rose and Thank You, however~~I will never claim to be "confident" in some situations for when you least expect it~~things can turn around and smack you right in the head.

But there comes a time, when you finially just "surrender" for the only battle which is going on is "with yourself"......This is only my personal view and experience...what works for you may be different.

I reached a point where I was just plum tired of focusing on the situation, the more we focus on it the "larger" it becomes, until we can not breathe anymore..........accepting what it is and knowing I can't do a dahm thing about it.....Begins your New Journey.......

So, when am I going to change??????  When am I going to STOP doing this to myself?????  To Take back "my Power" which I gave them Ohhhhh to long..Tsk-Tsk...along with fighting with myself for I was the only one in battle--not them--they were living their own lives.....I finially just said--"enough is enough"--no ego involved----pure acceptance........

I have my job, my friends, other family memebers, I volunteer with organizations in my state and I do enjoy helping others.....for if you take the focus "out" of you--you wont see yourself so much..... and as soon as I would begin to think about my DS's~~i would push them out of my mind and say "NOPE, not today and not now."  Then their were days that I would allow the tears to take over...I remember one day thinking to myself--"hey you cried yesterday and that is all thats allowed."   I kept that promise to myself....

Ladies, we are a lot stronger than we think or give ourselves credit for...all we have to do is reach in and find that strength...pull it out and move forward.  Remember who you are, have Faith and Believe in yourself....for someday, when its time...something amazing can happen and will.

Rose799

Quote from: Faithlooksup on March 05, 2011, 09:49:08 AM
But there comes a time, when you finally just "surrender" for the only battle which is going on is "with yourself"......

My gosh, Faith, I have been beating my head against the wall, trying to reach the point of acceptance.  That word, "acceptance" was the problem.  This situation with my dd is not acceptable to me, nor will it ever be.  I have, however, learned to "surrender."  I've surrendered all my dreams & expectations of my dd.   I was clinging to the hope that dh & I could bond with gc, but just recently surrendered that dream, as well.   Surrendering is the best I've got to offer, but thanks to you for making it click, I think it's enough to move forward~ 

Thank you, Faith, for helping me through the tunnel...


Accept:
Verb:  Consider or hold as true
Receive willingly something given or offered
React favorably to; consider right and proper
Tolerate or accommodate oneself to

Noun:  The mental attitude that something is believable and should be accepted as true
The act of accepting with approval; favorable reception
The state of being acceptable and accepted
A disposition to tolerate or accept people or situations

Surrender:
Verb:   Give up or agree to forgo to the power or possession of another
Relinquish possession or control over

Noun:   Acceptance of despair
A verbal act of admitting defeat


luise.volta

Interesting: I know there have been times in my life when the use of a specific word and the disuse of another made all the difference. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

jill

Faith,
It is amazing that now you have this new confidence, and that you have stopped dwelling on the situation with your son, that he has now contacted you.   I guess it is true that if we back off and have no contact, maybe they will contact us.

luise.volta

...and if they don't...maybe we will find a was to heal and survive. Tough stuff.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama