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Facebook Photo Sadness

Started by AnonymousDIL, March 01, 2011, 09:55:59 am

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AnonymousDIL

Laurie, that sounds nice. :-)

Do you have any GK's? Would you have a pic of you with your kids (no spouses) and the GK's? That is one of my IL's favorite things to do. I don't get it. Without your kids spouse there would be no GK's. I think it was a power play of "Look, you aren't related by Blood!" and it seems kinda mean. I get the GP's with just the GK's or Parents with just their biological kids (no spouses) but not the "only my blood" in the pic. I just don't get it. Maybe because we have a lot of "adopted" family members on my side (both legally and those that are just considered "family" without being related lol).

overwhelmed123

ADIL- I bet your families would still enjoy seeing the video, even if it's poorly made!

AnonymousDIL

True, it is always fun to do the "What's Uncle George doing? OMG! He's picking his nose!" Not that that actually happened, but ya never know lol

holliberri

Quote from: AnonymousDIL on March 02, 2011, 08:52:37 am
Laurie, that sounds nice. :-)

Do you have any GK's? Would you have a pic of you with your kids (no spouses) and the GK's? That is one of my IL's favorite things to do. I don't get it. Without your kids spouse there would be no GK's. I think it was a power play of "Look, you aren't related by Blood!" and it seems kinda mean. I get the GP's with just the GK's or Parents with just their biological kids (no spouses) but not the "only my blood" in the pic. I just don't get it. Maybe because we have a lot of "adopted" family members on my side (both legally and those that are just considered "family" without being related lol).


Thanks to this possibility, I have left a rather panicked message with the social worker helping us with adoption.

I totally can get the no-blood relation treatment of me. It doesn't even bother me. I cant in good conscience subject a child to that. This hadn't occured to me. Somehow, it seemed like only the feelings of DH and I mattered with an adoption. Maybe not.

AnonymousDIL

Holli, That is sad. You are right, only you and DH should matter in making this decision. I honestly hadn't even considered that for us (we are planning on adopting). I think it is really low for someone to treat a child that way, but I wouldn't put it past my IL's.  :-\

Rose799

Quote from: holliberri on March 02, 2011, 09:37:35 am
Thanks to this possibility, I have left a rather panicked message with the social worker helping us with adoption.

I totally can get the no-blood relation treatment of me. It doesn't even bother me. I cant in good conscience subject a child to that. This hadn't occured to me. Somehow, it seemed like only the feelings of DH and I mattered with an adoption. Maybe not.


They don't matter Holli...  My Ds favored gs & left his hb out altogether.  Hb once asked, "Are you my real grandma?"  She told him yes.  It made my blood boil.  I'm not a cut off type of person, but if I had been their mom, mil most certainly would have been.  There is no greater force than a dm protecting her young. 

LaurieS

to me when you adopt a child, he/she is your child, the same as any biological child....I've known people who have kept  the separation, but to be honest those were the same people who had such a off kilter mentality that they thought that handicapped children should be institutionalized, for whatever reason they may have had. Some people are small minded and will never grow past that point... those types you do not need to be a part of your daily lives.  Isn't it a shame that we don't even have to look far to find people who are like this... I would hope that this will not be an issue in your life Holli.


holliberri

The social worker returned my call. She said she has seen it go either way: GPs treat the GK like the other GK, or, sadly, not. The only thing she can help us with is coping strategies, open dialogue and possibly limiting contact if it were to occur. For now, the best I can do is hope that it won't be an issue at all. DH and I will definitely have a  sit-down about her with this later though. I want all my bases covered.

lancaster lady

Holli:
Any child is a gift ....especially one who needs a family .
hope your MIL can see that ,she may lose her own family if she can't .

holliberri

Quote from: holliberri on March 02, 2011, 12:33:59 pm
The social worker returned my call. She said she has seen it go either way: GPs treat the GK like the other GK, or, sadly, not. The only thing she can help us with is coping strategies, open dialogue and possibly limiting contact if it were to occur. For now, the best I can do is hope that it won't be an issue at all. DH and I will definitely have a  sit-down about her with this later though. I want all my bases covered.


Ack! I meant to say DH and I will have a sit-down WITH her ABOUT this later. (Her is my social worker! LOL).

Pooh

I believe that all children are blessings, it doesn't matter how you got them.  They are true innocents that just want to be loved and anyone that can be cruel to a child, does not know what love is.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

FAFE

When my husband and I married, he had custody of his 4 year old son.  I adopted him when he was 7 or so.  My family accepted him in every way possible.  In fact, before his dad and I were married, he called my mom, Hey you!  We told him that she was Granny J and that was the end of Hey you!  Sometimes I could not remember which one of my three kids was adopted!

My daughter and SIL adopted a beautiful baby girl who will be 5 months old this month.  I cannot tell you how much we love her and how much she has added to our family. 

I cannot understand anyone who cannot accept a child, as they are all (in my opinion) a gift from God. 

irenic

I know FB has caused me such heartache, I try not to look at my daughters page, it tears me up, and she says the most
awful things, I know is so that I read them.  I can only read a portion now, she has deleted me as her"friend", isn't that
sad that we delete our mothers who gave us life, who nurtured us, protected us, gave us the last slice of cheesecake
when we know our mother loved it?  I am dying inside due to FB, weren't we better off before?  JMHO

lancaster lady

FB opened up a can of worms for me too .
However it brought things to a head with my DIL ,things were ironed out now we are ok .
If she has deleted you ,how can you still see her page ? Best not to anyway .
I'm so sad for you Irenic , miracles can happen ,see Faith's posting today .
Never give up ...x

LaurieS

Irenic .. I see your heartache but your daughter has demanded separation... I think removing you as a 'friend' would be a typical move as she seems to feel that you are almost stalking her.  You are choosing to look at what little bit you can see and then feeling hurt, this is a form of self sabotage.  No one would expect you to stop loving your daughter, not even she.. but if you can not give her the space that she is demanding you may just be continuing to push her away.  I don't feel that it's healthy or helping you to continue to check on her facebook status ... wishing you luck