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Facebook Photo Sadness

Started by AnonymousDIL, March 01, 2011, 09:55:59 AM

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luise.volta

We area all  always a work in progress and it never stops. The name of the game is life.  ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

holliberri

Yep. That's the one. I can't stand them either. I got keyed up about the scanned photo via e-mail, so I decided we needed a photo then and there. I could've waited, but I was in my, "This is why you have to do everything yourself" mood that I get in sometimes.

They called us back to move forward with a home study...so I guess they didn't mind it much. But, definitely tacky on my part, at least it was an original photo paper and crystal clear.  :)

Pen

Quote from: overwhelmed123 on March 01, 2011, 03:30:21 PM
I have to give full disclosure:  My MIL has not received any of the professional photographs from our wedding.  A month after the wedding she really lost her mind with testing DH's boundaries.  That when when our "time out" started and ultimately evolved into a cut off.  It was still a time out when we got our pictures back.  We got our video back before the pictures, but still when we were in a time out and I still sent it to MIL.  But after I heard that stepsister had conspired to hold our wedding pictures hostage because of all the lies MIL was telling her...I wasn't too keen on the idea of spending my energy copying all my other photographers' pictures to CD for her.   I suggested it anyway as I thought maybe it would help her warm up to the idea of conceding and compromising with us about her behavior and DH tossed that idea out the window really quickly.  Truthfully, I was kind of glad he didn't want to, so I didn't press the issue.  Besides, I figure she can get wedding pictures from her little pet stepsister since she won't give them to us.

HOWEVER, Pen, I know you never did anything like this so I really feel bad for you about not getting wedding pictures.  Have you guys ever asked for them?

Thanks, OW123. Your support and thoughtful responses warm my heart. I'm sorry you are having to deal with your photo issues too. I asked once and got a vague runaround. I don't know why we aren't allowed to see the video, let alone have a copy.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

lancaster lady

Well Ladies ....THE wedding is in August ...
I am going armed with my own camera ,and my DB has been told to take one ,and my DS has been told to take one !!
I'm taking no chances of no photos !!
I must say they are very generous with photos , my DS rigged up my PC with a Dropbox .
They can drop any photos from their PC to mine and they do .
So how lucky am I?

Scoop

I know I'm chiming in late on this, but I have to say, my MIL wanted a "family" picture taken, on my wedding day, of just her, MIL, my DH and SisIL and I was very insulted.

She had months and months before the wedding to ask DH to bring a suit for a family picture, and I wouldn't have said a thing.  However, on the very day that I joined the family, she was INSISTING on a "Family" picture, without me.  Not-so-much.  And I can say she insisted, because we fought about it a couple of days before the wedding.  Luckily, DH backed me.

Years later, if MIL wanted a family picture without me, her SnIL and the grandkids, I would think it's ridiculous, but I wouldn't stop it.


Pooh

I hear you guys and I would be insulted too if different family members were included but not me.  But I have a question about the wedding photos?  Maybe you can answer it Scoop.  Back when I had a big wedding and a professional photographer (ahem...24 years ago), it was the "norm" to have all kinds of pictures made of just family, in addition to the wedding couple.  They took pictures of me with my parents, him with his parents, me and gps, him and gps, me with just my Mother, him with just his, each of us with our siblings, etc.

Is that now changed?  I'm asking seriously...lol.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

AnonymousDIL

Quote from: Laurie on March 01, 2011, 02:30:54 PM
Adil... what  did your dh say about this.. I know that guys are often oblivious to these nasty unnecessary games, but doesn't it bother him that the woman he is married to has been so callously excluded from his family?

DH has scolded his mom and sister for their remarks that I am not now nor will I ever be part of the family, but I don't think he addressed this particular issue. I don't think it would matter if he did say anything because I'm still treated like an outsider by MIL/SIL.

I would like to be in the pics "of the kids"... My mom views DH as one of her kids now. No more pics of just me and brother. But my family is more open and accepting than DH's. BUT SIL always drags her current flavor of the month into the "kids" pics and MIL doesn't say a word. EXCUSE ME! What's up with that? I'm actually part of the family. He isn't. He will be replaced soon.

AnonymousDIL

Quote from: overwhelmed123 on March 01, 2011, 02:39:51 PM
ANYWAY, really stop looking at her stuff.  I agree (and had to finally realize myself) that pondering why and what you ever did to her to make her dislike you won't get you anywhere.  It's not you- she's the one with the problem.  If this is going to upset you, I'd avoid her page and maybe put her on limited profile on your end if you don't feel it's an appropriate time to just flat out block her.

Curiosity got the best of me today lol! On my end she can't see anything more than a random stranger.

AnonymousDIL

Quote from: overwhelmed123 on March 01, 2011, 03:30:21 PM
I have to give full disclosure:  My MIL has not received any of the professional photographs from our wedding. 

Full disclosure: MIL doesn't have the CD for ours. Why? Because they are copyrighted and she doesn't have a release to print them. DH and I are the only ones who can have them printed. I told DH to have his mom pick some out for us to get done for her, but he doesn't want to. She has one of her side of the family from the wedding that we gave her at Christmas, but that's it. I just don't think I could handle her hanging the photo of DH and his FOO from the wedding that doesn't have me in it. I honestly don't understand why it was taken in the first place. There isn't one of just me and my FOO. Does that make any sense?

AnonymousDIL

We do have the "one-on-one"... Me with my mom, with my brother. Him with his mom and dad, with each of his siblings, and him with his whole family. The one with both my mom, brother, etc. are with both of us.

Sooooo, I guess going forward there just won't be any photo's of DH's FOO in our house. If she wants to complain about it. Fine. If she finally stops complaining behind my back and asks me why. I'll tell her I am still waiting on the photos.

And no more looking at her facebook photos. :-)

Pooh

Thanks DIL.  I wasn't being sarcastic, I was having a hard time understanding what the issue was of having a DH pose with his immediate family in a photo.  It finally dawned on me while reading Scoop's post, that maybe those were not the "norm" like they were when I was younger, and there are many of just me and my FOO from the wedding also.  I didn't have a professional photographer this time, just a couple of friends with photography skills that took photos of us.  But we did request individual photos of both sides of our family.  DH has 3 siblings and it is rare they are all at the same place, so we got some of the four of them, and then the four of them and his mother.  I had pics with my brother, and my brother with Mom and Dad.  I also had pictures made with just me and my two sons, and me with each of my Sons, and my DH and his daughter, then all of us (including DIL). 

And here is my full disclosure.  I never thought about if we were hurting someones feelings while we were doing this.  I never thought someone might feel excluded.  It is just rare we are all in the same place at the same time, looking all fancy so we took the opportunity.  I had not had my picture made with my Sons since they were around 12 (because they hate taking pics period).  So I may have unintentionally hurt someones feelings.  I had never thought about it until now.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

LaurieS

I had to go back and look... but at my son's wedding, they did all the b&g shots, but thern there was her family with the b&g, then our family with the b&g... oh then the groom with the bridesmaids and the bride with all the groomsmen.. and the one I really liked was the  silliest photo of the kids with the reverent.

I wasn't talking about just having photos of my kids taken on my dil's wedding day (I  don't think I'm that tacky yet)  I'm talking about now 4 years later.  While it's not a matter of not accepting dil as a family member, it was more about having my children together again and maybe for the first time there will be no tears and name calling as the photographer is trying to work.   And I know this is going to sound horrible.. but while marriages can dissolve, your siblings are your siblings for life.  I'd just hate to have my only photo of my kids have a person in the shot how is now married to someone else and has 9 kids of her own with another man.   I'd have to do a Holli's mil move and cut her out of the picture or something :)

Pooh

I agree with you Laura.  I wish I could get my two sons together now with my new DH and his daughter and have another family shot made.  It wouldn't have anything to do with trying to exclude DIL.  But now if my YS was married and I asked his wife to be in it and not my DIL, then that would be saying to her that I didn't want her in it.  Understandable then.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

LaurieS

Quote from: Pooh on March 02, 2011, 06:49:42 AM
I agree with you Laura.  I wish I could get my two sons together now with my new DH and his daughter and have another family shot made.  It wouldn't have anything to do with trying to exclude DIL.  But now if my YS was married and I asked his wife to be in it and not my DIL, then that would be saying to her that I didn't want her in it.  Understandable then.
Just today I framed a photo of my family.. G&G, Mom, Dad, sisters and brother.. it was the first time we had all been in the same room in 30 years... that photo was taken at my grandpas 100th b-day last June.. he passed away in July after telling me that he was just sick and tired of living.  There are no kids spouse in the picture and to me the photo feels perfect.  Now we did not do this at a wedding but I do understand being all gussied up and trying to make the most of the time... oh the photographer at ds/dil wedding did take pictures of the individual wedding party and their spouses.. as you said... if you've got on the clothes.. might as well go for it.

Pooh

It should come down to the couples decision on their big day though.  If they don't want it, it should be arranged for another time.  I can see that.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell