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Need help for this MIL

Started by Mama Tani, February 24, 2011, 05:33:23 PM

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holliberri

Since my DD began sleeping in a pack n play, and it's quite transportable, it's what I use. Despite having a crib in my own house, the pack n play was used for a long time. She loves it and actually has a better night sleep in it than her crib. So, even if there was a crib at a house, I probably wouldn't use it, and my ILs live 18 hours away. DD is comfortable with the pack n play. It's a little bit of something familiar while we're away.

AnonymousDIL

Rose, I'm sorry your DD wasn't concerned about how hard it would be for you to pick GC up off the floor.  :(

Maybe it has something to do with this.... When you are "young" and first starting out in marraige, kids, what-have-you. EVERYONE thinks they need to help you and show you what and how to do things. They act like you have no clue what you are doing and NEED their help even when they just want to figure it out on their own. I'll admit, when/if I have a baby, I Might go to MY mom for advice/help on everyday baby needs, but I won't go to MIL about how to feed/change/bathe and all that jazz and would be very annoyed if she forces her advice on me because I would be hearing "You are just a CHILD and don't know what you're doing. I am SO much BETTER than You, so LET ME do your JOB for you." even if that's not what she says.

I will however ask MIL "medically" kinds of stuff with regards to the kids because she is a nurse. Stuff like "His throats been sore a few days, but no fever, does this look serious to you? Should I take him to the DR. or is it just a cold?" I DO value her opinion, just not on every little thing.

And, whether or not my MIL believes it, I am quite the cook  ;) and DH LOVES my cooking. (That is one of her favorite topics to belittle me in lol I just look at the happy look on my hubby's face and let her comments slide off)

Rose799

Quote from: AnonymousDIL on February 25, 2011, 07:48:12 AM
EVERYONE thinks they need to help you and show you what and how to do things. They act like you have no clue what you are doing and NEED their help even when they just want to figure it out on their own. omments slide off)

I think you're right, ADIL, that had a lot to do with it; and sil was much at fault.  When dd struggled, sil always suggested calling dm or mil.  I knew from day 1 not to give advice unless asked, & bit my tongue then.  I think where I am concerned, there just is no pleasing dd.   

Holli, my gs was older than your dd; give her a little more time.  Have the camcorder handy for when she starts climbing... : )

AnonymousDIL

Quote from: Rose799 on February 25, 2011, 09:05:29 AM
I think you're right, ADIL, that had a lot to do with it; and sil was much at fault.  When dd struggled, sil always suggested calling dm or mil.  I knew from day 1 not to give advice unless asked, & bit my tongue then.  I think where I am concerned, there just is no pleasing dd.   

She probably thinks it makes her look weak. I was raised that it was the woman's responsibility to do the cooking and cleaning. My mom stayed home and home-schooled both my brother and I. So, when DH and I got married, I thought I should take care of the house by myself since he works so hard and does all the repairs and such. Well, that did not last long. I work a full time job too and when I get home, I am just not peppy enough to clean and all that (I'm kinda a Saturday morning clean the house from top to bottom kinda gal lol). I had to admit that I needed DH to help me. That was NOT an easy thing for me to do. It made me feel weak and like a loser because my mom did it. Well, my mom didn't work a full time job and could put laundry away while we worked on math.

Anywho, I think it takes a big person to admit that they can't handle doing something on their own and need help. Maybe your DD just isn't there yet.


JaneF

Another interesting subject. No offense to anyone, please believe me ladies...it just seems to me that when reading some posts (on other subjects as well), there are just some people that get upset, or offended way too easily and way too much. In my opinion sometimes it comes out sounding more like a control issue instead. Not just MIL, or DIL...a lot of individuals. So silly really. I also bought a crib when my first grandaughter was born...nobody else had bought one, and DS and DIL were then teenagers and not married. They "hinted" to me they needed a crib since baby didn't have one...so I went and bought a new one and gave it to them, plus new mattress of course. Grandaughter never slept in it, she slept with DIL and DS,(they married later after graduation). Yet they pretty much asked me to buy the crib. She slept with them until probably age 6 or 7! I never said a word. Situations are so different, some DIL and DS get offended if MIL buys stuff, others (like mine) get angry because they say we don't BUY ENOUGH. Not all grandparents expect grandkids to be spending nights either, believe me. I adore all mine, and have had them all night many times, but we still work full time and are raising one grandchild. I love to see them and spend time with them, go to school and eat lunch with them, school programs once in a while, love giving them gifts...but I honestly need a break at times and don't want kids all weekend. I am grandma not free sitter. DIL and DS don't let us be involved in grandaughters lives at all now, and we were very limited before that, UNLESS they wanted us to babysit for days while they went on a vacation without the kids of course. Then we were WONDERUL grandparents, especially since they asked if they could take my newer car on the trip, and we said sure! I asked them not to smoke in it though. I do not smoke and have not for several years, and grandchild I am raising has asthma. She is affected by smoke of course (thus the please don't smoke in car request). They did it anyway, how nice. To keep them from getting mad we said NOTHING though. OUCH, my feet hurt from walking on all those sharp egg shells! Gotta keep a sense of humor I guess. Have a most lovely day all ladies here.

Pen

JaneF, I agree...we might want to untwist our knickers now and again. It's hard to keep a level head and heart while walking on all those eggshells, though. That's when loving detachment comes in handy. Sometimes I can do it, sometimes I'm back in the muck.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

lancaster lady

Jane F:
Hooray for MIL and GP .you hit the nail right on the head !!
We are great when needed and a pain in the butt when we are not !
I haven't posted here for some time ,as I was getting depressed not by my own personal life but by some of the postings here .

why should we change our personalities ,and pussy foot round some of these young people .If they don't respect you for what you are ,a wife ,mother ,grandmother  who has feelings and a heart ...well too bad !
I admit some of the MIL stories here are so bizarre they belong in the medical books ..Please don't list us all in the same category .
When we do things you don't like ,perhaps it's because we want to help eg.buy a cot ( in case you ALL come to stay ) how is this a threat to anybody ??
If you feel threatened by this gesture I suggest you ask your MIL why she has bought it .

It's about time someone spoke up for all the GP's and MIL's .
We are not ALL monsters who want to take over ...we are your DH/Partners MOTHER ...and deserve some respect .
Get rid of the eggshells ladies ...be true to who you are ...we are human beings ...you know what happens to doormats !

Pen

Hear, hear! LL, good to have you back. I like your attitude. Maybe one day I'll be a brave, bold DM/MIL instead of an eggshell-walker. My DH would approve; he's very tired of my tendency to overthink and second guess my every word and deed re: DS/DIL.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

JaneF

Luise...let me be the first to join eggshells.com! lol  How funny!

luise.volta

Most of your know about my friend, Jim, right? Well, last night on the phone he asked me how my Web-forum,
WildWomenUnite was coming along?  ;D ;D ;D ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

JaneF

Wild women huh? lol   Three cheers for us wild women!

pam1

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

LaurieS

I agree LL... I simply am who I am... I can refrain from saying certain things, or from attending activities if I feel I can't do so with the right attitude.. but I do not believe that people just change who they have always been to be accepted by a family member.  When you do consciously make the decision to peel off any pretense you must be able to accept the consequences as well.  When I finally said NO..no I will not spend time with dil's family if I  did not want to.. I fully understood that our family would be left out of many events, and so it is... I'd rather be under less stress and at least control what I can in my own life. No longer do we wait for ds/dil combo to make a showing..they don't show on time, we go on with our plans.  At the same time I'll accept them being who they are as a couple, the only time I have a real issue is when I see one being overpowered by the other's wants.  But because I'm not tap dancing around any more, I tend to meet all these issues with a head on approach. While it may not always be the most productive approach.. I sleep better at night