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Joshua Coleman Webcast Replay: 5 Most Common Mistakes Estranged Parents Make

Started by Tara, February 17, 2011, 07:31:38 PM

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Tara

Hi Faith,

I was wondering if it was you that Josh Coleman referred to about having contact with your ds and quite
spontaneously. 

I'm really enjoying his seminars and learning alot and like you can take what is relevant to me and leave the rest.


Faithlooksup

Hi Tara, Opps forgot to mention~~I too enjoy his seminars...where was he years ago???? :)

Tara

No kidding Faith,  would have saved me years of turmoil and missteps.

holliberri

I'm not really sure where to fit this in, but I thought here might do, since it deals with estrangement.

My mom and I have been getting along wonderfully since our last estrangement (14 months now!  :D ).  I don't really feel comfortable going into all the details, but we were talking about someone and their relationship with their children. She said she didn't believe that they missed their children b/c of how they were acting.

She then went onto explain that everytime we had a fight and weren't talking, all she did was cry and worry and get angry. She said she even went to therapy, so even if she couldn't work on it directly with me, she was working on it somehow.

I was taken back by this; mom taught me to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and deal; crying wasn't a option. I remember not talking to her and thinking, "She doesn't care." I had no idea the turmoil she was in, although I knew that I was going through that same exact turmoil. I was also going to therapy and crying behind closed doors; but she doesn't know that, somehow I wasn't comfortable enough to get the same words that she said out. 

That entire time we were thinking the worst of each other: that the other one just didn't care. It turns out, and she still doesn't even know that I was doing the same thing she was, that both of us couldn't have been further from the truth.

I just thought that was interesting since so many of us think that the other person doesn't care during estrangement. It's probably pretty likely they may be going through the same  pain we are, we just can't see it, or they're not verbalizing it.

I am not sure that my thinking she really didn't care (and vice versa) led to a much longer estrangment. Just b/c she wasn't showing me that she was hurting doesn't mean that she wasn't.

I have to say, meeting half way and being flexible has helped both of us.


Pooh

I'm glad she felt comfortable telling you that Holli.  I am sure we all assume many things we shouldn't.  I know I have at times.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

holliberri


Nana

Like your attitude Dear Faith.
The past is in the past...look forward to a bright future.

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare