September 23, 2019, 02:59:17 am

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Dr. Phil show re:cults

Started by Pen, February 16, 2011, 04:45:51 pm

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

holliberri

Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 10:43:24 am
I think he will too Holli.  I think many of the things we found cute in the beginning, turn out to be the hardest to take later.  I remember that one of the things that drew me to my first husband was his reckless spirit.  I had always done the right thing and his bad-boyness gave me some excitement.  A few years and kids later, his reckless spirit kept us in financial trouble and jobless too often.  I hated it then. 

And just for the record, I don't wish for them to get divorced.  My wish is they will both grow up and mature, and learn.


I don't think they need to get divorced, and I don't think she has a personality disorder. Insecure, maybe, and most certainly a little maturity would do them good.

I actually was never ever allowed to call boys (thanks, Dad), so of course when I turned 18, I alienated a lot of men I was dating b/c I was calling them all the time. I realized this wasn't working in my favor...so next time around, I figured I'd never call at all.

Of course, next time around was when I began dating DH. I wouldn't even call him back (I can't imagine how many dates I must've missed out on by not returning calls). He said he thought it was great. He loved that I was independent, and let him be too. Then came marriage. I still never called him back. He didn't love it so much, then. I'm not sure what I was thinking, it just worked so well that it quickly became a bad habit for me. I'm better now, but still not great. It just isn't instinctive for me to call/return calls anymore, and he rewarded me a lot at first by always calling me anyway. That was a big mistake of mine early on.

Pooh

Quote from: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 03:58:07 pm
Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 10:43:24 am
I think he will too Holli.  I think many of the things we found cute in the beginning, turn out to be the hardest to take later.  I remember that one of the things that drew me to my first husband was his reckless spirit.  I had always done the right thing and his bad-boyness gave me some excitement.  A few years and kids later, his reckless spirit kept us in financial trouble and jobless too often.  I hated it then. 

And just for the record, I don't wish for them to get divorced.  My wish is they will both grow up and mature, and learn.


I don't think they need to get divorced, and I don't think she has a personality disorder. Insecure, maybe, and most certainly a little maturity would do them good.

I actually was never ever allowed to call boys (thanks, Dad), so of course when I turned 18, I alienated a lot of men I was dating b/c I was calling them all the time. I realized this wasn't working in my favor...so next time around, I figured I'd never call at all.

Of course, next time around was when I began dating DH. I wouldn't even call him back (I can't imagine how many dates I must've missed out on by not returning calls). He said he thought it was great. He loved that I was independent, and let him be too. Then came marriage. I still never called him back. He didn't love it so much, then. I'm not sure what I was thinking, it just worked so well that it quickly became a bad habit for me. I'm better now, but still not great. It just isn't instinctive for me to call/return calls anymore, and he rewarded me a lot at first by always calling me anyway. That was a big mistake of mine early on.


I think she is very insecure, and I think her Mother still bosses her around and tells her what to do, so now she thinks it's ok to do to everyone else.  Her way or no way.  She does have something that has been diagnosed by a doctor, but I truly don't know what it is, because I don't ask (the whole none of my business thing).  The only reason I know that something even exists is when they were dating, DS said something about her being on medication, and that she had been for a long time.  He said to me at another time, that he can tell when she hasn't been taking it right. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

JaneF

Good grief are you guys talking about my DIL again???? lol My son has no more friends left since she ran them all off. They couldn't stand her anyway. The only friends they have now is her family basically, except for a friend here and there that disappears very quickly after they get to know her. Sad. DIL got mad when it was suggested to her that she should maybe take meds since doctor had told her parents when she was a teenager that she was bipolar, and there are meds to help that. DIL said, and I quote "I am NOT bipolar, he said I was manic depressive!!!". HELLO??????? She sure has no problem rushing to the doctor for Xanax "for her anxiety", or very strong pills to help her "sleep", or the other pills for "pain". Nope, there is nothing wrong with that gal! It is strange how our sons change isn't it? He can't be out of her sight without a zillion texts coming. He is totally out of his FOO's life now, and they moved right in with her family of course. My son used to get "alone time"...when he took 5 or 6 loads of laundry to his grandmothers on his day off and toted 2 small kids with him so DIL (stay at home mom) could rest and have a break. Oh, guess he wasn't alone then huh? Sorry to sound so cranky today ladies. I am usually just fine, but once in a while I have a bad day. Last week was one of grandaughters birthdays, and once again our family was totally excluded since they cut us out last summer. Can you say CONTROL???? Now that I have vented I feel much better. I have a birthday party to attend tomorrow for a dear GS, and I am looking forward to that. That thought cheers me up a lot! But next week his family is moving away and I will see them much less. Maybe that is really why I feel down? Blessings to all of you great ladies here.

luise.volta

Thinking of you, JF, and sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

Have a great time tomorrow Jane!  We will be there with you smiling  :)
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

LaurieS

Jane... is this the grandson that lived with you for a while?  I think about that little boy so often.. not that I'm sure why... I just sense a sadness within that child and a loss of his childhood and innocence.... Give him a hug from all of us.. that little guy deserves it...

JaneF

No Laurie, this is a different GS! lol The one you are thinking of is 7 years old. I do think of him daily of course, and miss him. His mother (my DD) has been less than stable all of his life. And that's an understatement. Last week I got a call concerning this childs father, my ex son-in-law. It seems he is in a mental ward after trying to commit suicide by injecting a large amount of drugs. He is an addict, and has no contact with his children at this time because he is such a mess. Very sad, but he has to choose to make the choices to help himself. I don't know why his relatives called me, I am not a professional and do not know how to "fix" him, and it really isn't my place anyway. I wish him the best, and that's all I can do really. Like I said in another post today, it has been an overwhelming month for me. I had to apologize for my grouchy mood. I am not a perfect person and I know we all have bad days once in a while. I guess today was my day. I do plan to enjoy seeing the two grandchildren I will see tomorrow. I guess knowing they will be moving out of state next week has upset me a bit, but their mom and I get along great and I understand she has to do what is best for them. (job situation). My DS (the biological father) also understands and they plan to work together to make sure visits are regular etc. They work together and compromise, how great that is! Especially for children involved. I bought GS a video camera (mini) and camera all in one so he can take lots of photos and have his mom put them on computer for me. His little sister (my GD that is not biological, but is not aware of that, and I love her just as much) will love posing for him! She is a darling 3 year old with lots of energy! Thanks for your nice reply, you gals are wonderful.

LaurieS

Jane.. that's why I make all my days grump then people can say oh that's just how Laurie always is :) saves having to apologize for confusion

JaneF

Laurie you are so funny!  ;D It stinks when you have to apologize for being crabby, but I just have to vent once in a while and then I feel bad for having a poor attitude. I try to have a positive outlook, but we all have a point where we are at our limit don't we? I just don't like to be that way. Staying angry or carrying a grudge does not help at all. It only makes ME unhappy! I have to try to keep a positive attitude since the GC I am raising deserves to live in a happy home, and she feels so safe and secure which is as it should be. I appreciate all of your posts and also those of most women here. My sweet husband just fixed a tasty dinner and my spirits are better now. You are all great ladies!