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Why is it always HIS Mom and Dad?

Started by 2chickiebaby, October 26, 2009, 04:39:15 am

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Lily that's a great point.  My MIL seems to think that it's all my fault we don't arrange to visits or what have you, but she doesn't try to arrange with me she always tries to coordinate with my husband and he just doesn't care so he either tells me that we're not going or he tells his mother he'll figure it out later and doesn't and then it falls on me the DIL if we don't show. 


Quote from: lilyofthevalley on October 27, 2009, 09:26:28 pm
With my son and DIL, I realized that I wasn't being pushed out by her so much as ignored by my son.  And it's not that he ignored us, but it was his job to arrange visits and handle passing along information.  Back in my day (yes I feel old saying that :) ), the women tended to handle the social calendars for the family.  I asked my DIL once if we could plan a time for us to get together, and that's when she told me she'd love to but I needed to speak with my son because he handles coordinating visits with his side of the family.  Once I started asking my son and making it easier for him to plan a visit, things got better.  And while it's not what I did, it works for them and makes sense to me.  So maybe it's his mom and dad that are pushed away because our son's just aren't that good at social planning?  I know mine isn't.

I pretty much always left up the planning to DH as well.  I might have to push him a little but he talked to his mom and dad and set it all up.  And I set up anything with my family.  It seemed to work fine.  But now that I don't push him, we don't see the IL's very much at all, but at the same time DH is trying to protect our marriage.  Who knows what will happen later.  But he wants them to realize that we are a package deal.  DH said that said that ever since the day he got married he was waiting for his mom to say she only wanted him to come out for an occasion.  He knew how she was but he didn't want me to know because he didn't want me to dislike them.  MIL even recently bought a new bed for DH to encourage him to come out and spend the night, a twin bed of course because she doesn't want me out there afterall.

I just read Ihopuknows response and yes that same thing has happened to me.  I can think of only one time when we made plans to go out to the IL's house and we had to cancel them, but then I do remember that we did go out like two weeks later.  But my SIL said that MIL said I'll bet that's Just2b's doing, I'll bet Just2b didn't want to come out."  And then when we did go out two weeks later FIL made a point to tell us that he invited his other son over and they fed the hamburgers they had bought for us  to them.  Couldn't he had freezed them and waited two weekends later.  I thought boy you don't mess with these folks.  There so punitive.