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Our son's hatred for us for a promise not kept

Started by Louey0727, October 31, 2009, 12:04:56 pm

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2chickiebaby

That's just the problem....I'm the life of the party kind of person and it makes her extremely nervous. I absolutely do not want to come across as bragging but I guess I am...people really like to be with me.  I make them laugh and they have a good time no matter what they're doing.  My brother is very funny too.  He cracks me up. 

A friend said recently, "you cannot NOT be funny.  It's not possible"

The other problem is that whatever I'm feeling shows on my face.  I can't hide it, although I try so hard.  I don't tell jokes, I just make people laugh...something about my facial expressions or something.  It's gotten to the point where people say:  "is Chickie coming"?  When I'm not going to whatever it is they seem just like it's not worth going.

Gosh, I have such responsibility!!  Have I totally bragged on myself enough here? 

The DIL hates it.  She thinks it's stupid....yes, it's stupid that's why it's so funny!!!  Poor woman!!  I think I'm people's entertainment. I guess in a way I'm being used by everyone but that's okay, it makes me happy. 

An Uncle I have died and because he lived in the same town son lives, son went over to see my Aunt, whom I adore.  He called me and told me that it was overwhelming.  WHAT???  He grew up with it.  They are a ball to be around.  What has happened to our son?  Overwhelming? 

DIL and son's kids are wonderful kids, I will give her that.  Very obedient, controlled and regimented, just like she is.  It's hard to be with her because she's so controlling.  You can't have a personality around her.  She interrupts whatever you're saying to get the attention back on herself.  Son cannot laugh anymore.  Or, he chooses not to laugh anymore.  He must with her, although I can't think of anything humorous the nutcase does, ever.  When you're marching, you can't be funny. I don't know what band she's marching in but she's good.  She's on a mission. 

I'm admit that I am guilty of when son broke it off with her in the beginning, I said, "thank God".  I'm sure he told her.  I'm sure she holds that against me  ;D

The other DIL gets my sense of humor but she is controlling too.  I love her and she is better but she was raised in a tiny group of family so outsiders are not welcomed, though she has a lot of friends.  Distant DIL would love to become friends with her; it's not going to happen. 

Distant DIL cannot stand spontaneousness. She is a list maker and she can't vary from the list.  I guess I could concentrate on the length of her fingers at the meal. I've never seen such long fingers.  Her ability to scratch her head from another room would be a good Youtube thing. (I'm lying, she can't do that)  I'm also dramatic and tell great stories. Just shoot me.   >:(

mom2

To think of each other on the holidays is such a nice thought !!! :)

mom2

Nice suggestion.. 15 minutes is very doable and if it is uncomfortable, well 15 minutes is not too long to endure it !

J2B,

I agree with you about the planned events... I just hate it when someone just shows up and things are not how I would want company to see them ( or me for that matter ). We used to, in the beginning, do all those things, BBQ'S , board games ( my favorite ) cards, movies but no lake house etc.. but it didn't last long because my DIL is one of those women who viewed me as the other woman instead of her DH's mom. She knows her DH loves me and she is just not havin it ! You sound very reasonable in what your expectations of MIL should be. I wish it could have been different for you.

I often think of how happy I am that I only had the one son ( two Dils like her would have killed me !) but then again I could have ended up with one like you and Chickiebabys kind DIL.

I guess we all need to start focusing on the positive things ( if we can ) like the fact that I have a daughter and other grandchildren who love me.

mom2

Chickiebaby,

We must march to the same band because ( my turn to brag haha!! ) every body likes me too !!! My Dils fingers look normal but she thinks she is ' Martha Stewart ' I am more the other little woman ( can't think of her name ).
Anyway, was your son saying the Aunts sense of humor was overwhelming ? or how they acted in general or what? I know exactly what you mean; things in our family that was a running joke or just fun is way beneath our son now!!!!!!!! he goes on and on about how dumb it is or stupid... Guess he has a point since he married Martha ( she does no wrong ). Maybe I should get those turkey bones spray painted and throw em on the table huh? maybe I could , at least, impress her and son.

2chickiebaby

It's the DIL who marches in this band, not me!!  I'm so glad we're alike, I always wanted a sister. 

My Aunt and her immediate family all talk at once.  It's hilarious, she has 4 sons...to an outsider I guess it would be overwhelming but he was raised going over there.  I think the little nutcase fruitcake, mutated freakoid wife of his thinks it's overwhelming.

How does she go on living?  She has no sense of humor at all.  I am begging you, just shoot me.  I'm a little better this evening but I was very low this morning. I don't want to go there again. 


Louey0727

Hi Everyone:
I am so excited about finding this forum that my mind has switched from my problems to writing on this forum and hearing from the members
Like I said in a previous post, what it not be intriguing if we had a subject titled "Sons and mothers"\where the sons could post their grievances against the mothers.  There are two-three sides to every store, and if we heard what are sons side, we might see another side to a story.   Any ideas  how you would get our sons to write on this forum, but it would interesting!!!!!
I know that when (only a few times) that I had a conversation with him about his wife's beef with me, he tends to change stories each time - will add to the story or make up an incident.  It always goes back to it is  his choice in a mate and she is the mother of his children.  On both of these items, I have agreed with him.  At the same time, years ago, whenever he had a disagreement or argument with her, he would come to me and "talk terrible" about her.  I would always say, I do not want to get involved, and I say this is the mother of your children and  I suggest that he try to have quite moments with her or take her out for dinner and discuss these things with her.  He never does, but by his actions with me and others, I know he his extremely unhappy with his choice as he has told a few male friends, who by the way,I  know them well and they visit us frequently.  They have told me how unhappy he is with her and they tell him "get out" see your children frequently and get on with your life.  His friends told me, that she has banned these friends from their house and told my son he is not to see them.  I am still so befuddled how a wife can have this kind of hold over her mate.  When I used to see my oldest grandchild on a regular basis, he would tell me on his own how Mommy and Daddy fight and say bad things to each other.  I told my grandson, that they love each other very much and all couples have little tiffs.  He seemed satisfied with this explanation, but it worries me that the children are exposed to this atmosphere.  My son is very hot-headed and fly's off the handle quickly and his wife is a moaner and a whiner.  What a combination, but he made his bed now he has to live with it.  Even though they seem to be unhappy with each other, I wish they would get conselling and maybe they are not mean't to be with each other.  My concern is not for their future but the future of my grandchildren.  If only we could reconcile, I believe we would be able to have a good influence over them, as we never talk about their parents and we tell the grandchildren all the time, how much we love them and they are the sunshine of our lives.
I mentioned in previous posts, that I keep a letter going to each grandchild and when I feel they are at age where they can decide if they want to see us (hopefully we are still alive) I will give the letter to them.  At the advice of our lawyer, he said to keep it up until they are anywhere from the age of 14-16 and some how get the letter to each of them, or leave copies with him and he will attach it to our wills.  He also suggested that I wrote a letter to my son and in this letter, get the facts straight and express your hurts and express the love you had for him, as you do not want him to be left with guilt all his life?   It would be so easy, if my son would just call and say he is sorry for his actions toward us and we would accept his apology eagerly and we would be able to see our grandchildren even at our house.  I am telling you very honestly and truthfully we did nothing wrong, as it was a very minor incident that grew to a mountain out of molehill and when we tried to have a discussion, he would not listen and banned us from the children. Like I said, he has a quick temper and selective hearing.  He has always been like that and we have learned to live with his personality which is very difficult at times to have a productive conversation.  It has not been the first time that he stopped us from seeing his children, each other time I have called or sent emails, asking to see the children and he has completely forgotten his actions.  This last time, I believe it cannot change, as he has told people that he has disowned us and told stories how we "screwed him" etc., - which I believe still goes back to him not getting the cottage.  It looked like he wanted the cottage before when  we were still alive; with his anger he cannot think straight and it anger is increasing.  Why would a son talk to people (some of them are our friends)and tell them that he has disowned us.  These friends have said they believe he has a "loose screw" and they have told him straight, you have good and generous parents and we cannot believe you feel this way, as we know how good they have been to you.  He even told us that we should go to a nursing home, give him the cottage, give your home and other possessions to his sisters. Shortly after the sale of the cottage, this is the point he gave it to me, but good and that is the last I have seen of the family.

Louey0727

Dear chickiebaby, just2baccepted, Mom2:

I hope this is not being two nosy?

Could each of you tell me, what State or Province you live in and what is the Time Zone?

I live in a very small town, in Ontario, Canada, approximately 150 miles northeast of Toronto.
We live on a country road just 2KM outside of town.  It is the Garden of Eden, neighbors next door but spaces in between the homes.  Close to many towns for shopping and extremely good neighbors whom we get together once a month, we alternate with dinners.  Even we did not have this type of social life, I think I would go crazy with all that is going on in our lives.
Now that I have talked to you all, I just want to know this little tidbit of information.
Regards Louey

Louey0727

Hi Everyone:
Could you please give me the steps to adding a picture with my name?  I still relatively new to this forum writing, and I find it difficult sometimes to do certain steps.
Information on this would be appreciated.

2chickiebaby


just2baccepted

Quote from: Louey0727 on November 04, 2009, 05:43:41 am
Dear chickiebaby, just2baccepted, Mom2:

I hope this is not being two nosy?

Could each of you tell me, what State or Province you live in and what is the Time Zone?

I live in a very small town, in Ontario, Canada, approximately 150 miles northeast of Toronto.
We live on a country road just 2KM outside of town.  It is the Garden of Eden, neighbors next door but spaces in between the homes.  Close to many towns for shopping and extremely good neighbors whom we get together once a month, we alternate with dinners.  Even we did not have this type of social life, I think I would go crazy with all that is going on in our lives.
Now that I have talked to you all, I just want to know this little tidbit of information.
Regards Louey


I live in Oklahoma and its central time zone.

mom2

Louey,

I live in Marshall Illinois and it is central time zone.

just2baccepted

Louey - I hate to go totally off topic here but I was wondering something since you said you're in Canada.  Do you like your universal health care system?  As you know our government is trying to implement something like that but not all the way single payer.  Do you like it?  Is there rationing?  Do you have to wait a long time for procedures?  And what if you get something like cancer?  We get all sorts of different info over here about it.  I'm a little nervous because I really like my health insurance and my health care and doctor and not having to wait. 

Not trying to get political here just curious about this.  Sorry about going off topic, maybe I should have put this in the grab bag.

Louey0727

Dear just2baccepted:
Firstly, we would be broke if we would have to pay for my husband's medications.  The cost of his total monthly meds are approximately $700.00 for 4 different meds and we pay the fillers fee, which is 6.11 each X 4 = $24.44.  This is one of the benefits everyone here would hate to lose; when you turn 65 years old the Ontario Hospital Insurance Plan is what covers us.  Yes, there are long waits for procedures and emergency wards, but there are many reasons for that, which I cannot put in writing.  There is a shortage of doctors, as the government puts a cap on the doctor's earnings, and we lost many doctor's to the US.  Some time back they implemented the GST Tax (Goods and Service Tax) which some doctors' rebelled against and again they left here for the US.  Our emergency wards at the hospital get filled with unnecessary people coming in because the visits are free, and where they come from, it is not, so they take up space and will sit for hours on hours.  If I want to see my doctor (if not serious) I will wait up to three weeks to see him and have sat in his office up 4 hours to see him.  He is a dedicated doctor who cannot refuse patients, but he is on overload.  Since it is impossible to get another doctor, we put up with the waits. If you have cancer, we have excellent cancer hospitals here, sometimes there are waits but other times you will get appointment immediately.  You have to weigh the pros ad cons.  I have heard that in the states, if you are elderly and do not have money, you cannot afford the prescriptions or you do not take the recommended dosage's space the meds not taking the actual amount every day, because you cannot afford the repeats?  We are not used to the waits for procedures and specialized doctors, we gripe and complain, but we put up with it.  There are not too many people here, that cannot  afford to pay out of their pocket private doctors and the necessary medications.  All in all, it comes down to, do not get sick and try to stay healthy.  Where I live, the elderly really look after themselves, eating right, exercising and they get involved with many programs.  This keeps them active and happy.  I believe that stress is the number one factor for getting sick or get diseases, so my answer is we try to stay fit and healthy.  When we have been away on holidays to Northern Ontario (North Bay, Ontario) and I was having a reaction to a new drug (for high blood pressure) I found that the pharmacists were just as good as the doctors in answering questions about meds.  In our town, we worship and rely on our drugstore/pharmacist for answers and this stand true for many drug stores - the pharmacist knows your history and if a med is being prescribed, he will call you and advise that you do not take the new drug as it can interfere with other drugs you are taking.
I could go on and on, but I hope this is helpful.
Regards, Louey

just2baccepted

I've always heard that we have the best health care system in the world. I guess that's why many people from other countries come here for certain treatments.  Its so dissappointing to me that some of our leaders want to destroy that and its looking more and more like they're going to get that chance.  :'(  Thanks for your response although it was very disheartening.

Pen

I've got to jump in here, but only briefly :)

Get all the facts. Please don't just listen to one side or the other.

A large number of housing foreclosures in the states are due to people with medical problems that took all their incomes. In countries with single-payer they do not have foreclosures or bankruptcies due to medical emergencies and subsequent loss of insurance. Our wonderful, cutting edge medical treatments are only available to those who can afford them!

My husband and I have a fabulous HMO, but if he were to lose his job we'd be out of luck. I doubt we'd be able to pay for it or even be able to qualify for other insurance.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb