AFFIRMATION

[irenic]

HE WHO CANNOT FORGIVE OTHERS DESTROYS THE BRIDGE OVER WHICH HE HIMSELF
MUST PASS.  GEORGE HERBERT

I want to send this to my daughter, knowing she reads what I send her even
though she never responds.  I used to look at her Facebook page, but
stopped doing so when she would post such nasty things and not list
me as her mother, saying how wonderful her father was, who she never
had anything to do with for the last 18 years.  I stopped looking it made
it even harder for me. 

I just need to ready my daily affirmations, I need to forgive her as well.

[overwhelmed123]

First, big hugs- it is clear your heart is hurting.  I'm sorry and I hope you find peace.

I wouldn't send that quote to her, I don't think that will make things any better and I think she will probably resent the pressure being put on her to stop being angry at you when she still is.  I don't know your story, I just know human response and nobody wants to be told to forget their feelings when they still feel angry for whatever reason.

Also, remember forgiveness of you is for her and her alone.  Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not for anyone else.  Forgive her for your own heart, and in time she will have to make the decision for herself.  Whether or not she's right in holding a grudge, it isn't anyone else's place to urge her to do something she has to do for herself.  As much as it feels like it would be for you, it's not.  I have forgiven my MIL for all she has done to me, for my own heart and peace of mind, but I don't want to have a relationship with her because I still don't trust her.

I'm so sorry you're hurting.  I hope you have a support system in your life to help you with this.

[cremebrulee]

I'm sorry your hurting, and know what you are going thru must be awful painful at times....

Your daughter is very angry, and I don't believe she means to hurt you the way she does...I do believe her anger is misdirected....

She knew you were looking at her FB, that is why she wrote what she wrote....however, I don't believe people realize the extent of the hurt they're words cause....

I'm sending hugs your way, and if I were you, and this is just me, I would not send anything to her, or contact her in any way, b/c it will only make her angrier....your the parent, start being strong and letting her know her behavior towards you is unacceptable....you are playing right into her game, and she knows you will, if you stop, no contact at all, she will become curious...and contact you, and that is when you tell her, you don't get to hurt me the way you do anymore...I love you and the door is open to you only if you treat me like a human being....

But that's just me....I don't believe in enabling anyone....

[Huni]

Irenic, I feel so badly for you that you are hurting.  It seems our kids can trample on our hearts and stomp them into a million pieces like no other.

I always say if you don't provide an audience, their will be no performance.  Backing off and saying nothing is sometimes the best thing to do.  I know that gets to my daughter more than anything, when she doesn't have an audience for her drama!  I wouldn't send that to her, but that's my opinion.  I think being able to understand forgiveness comes with maturity.  I know I think back on how I was when I was much younger.  I was certainly not able to understand what I do today.  Perhaps that is where some of our struggles come from.  We expect from our children what they are not fully able to understand yet.  I think when our children experience the sacrifices that we made for them, then they can more readily respect us.  When they have made the mistakes we have made, then they can forgive.  I think admiration comes from these things.

Huni

[irenic]

I know you are right, and I will cease all contact, and stop looking at her FB page.  Her brother has
totally cut her off, wants nothing to do with her drama.  I bring the hurt on myself doing the snooping at
her page.  Thanks all, today is a brighter day.

[lancaster lady]

Once again FB is the culprit .
I stopped reading the pages of people that might upset me .
Whether they mean it or not ,sometimes depending on the mood we are in ,certain posts can be taken the wrong way .
Unless you challenge the person by asking their meaning ,we suffer in silence ,and it festers .
So if you hide that persons posts ,you can't see them and will not become upset .

If you cease contact ,hopefully she will wonder what YOU are doing ,don't be tempted to peek !
Things are said in anger ,although hurtful ,perhaps not truly meant .I hope for the latter ..

[luise.volta]

I just can't get into Facebook. I can track my family in Paris (grandson and family) that way but there is too much trivia for me. If they want to connect, they have my email address.

[cadagi101]

I just can't get into Facebook. I can track my family in Paris (grandson and family) that way but there is too much trivia for me. If they want to connect, they have my email address.

So true and I said to my 18yr old daughter yesterday when she was almost hysterical  (slight exageration)  when I said I know so much trivia is posted especially by young people etc. etc.    She said how elso do I know what is going on and contact my friends.  I looked at the phone and said have you heard of this invention it does work quite well.......

[Pooh]

I always say if you don't provide an audience, their will be no performance. 

Love this Huni!  So true.

[myree]

i love that way of thinking too i used think things like that ,,well if you cant sell tickest to you little drama then why make a performance when finding out about my daughters latest antics . i think looking ofn facebook is natural i think its from a real concern like watching from afar my daughtrs face book is private and dont have a FB account any way im probably better off as some things she wrote about about in the past is very hurtful .failure for me isnt an option anymore i have one irl that hates me and a dozen that love me as im sure most of do.

[luise.volta]

What they say and do is about them...How I react and what I do is about me. Sending love...

[JaneF]

I love that statement Luise...and I totally agree! So true isn't it?

[Pen]

Yes, another good quote from Luise that shows me how unevolved I am. I have a lot of work to do. In the meantime, I'll stay away from FB. I'm not ready to walk that gauntlet. My friends and family will have to find other ways to contact me, and if I'm uninformed so be it.