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State of the "Dis" Union

Started by justdontunderstand, February 09, 2011, 07:17:00 AM

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0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

luise.volta

 ;D Just keep the old version of Laurie, please!  :D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

stilltryen

Quote from: luise.volta on February 09, 2011, 01:31:12 PM
Well, you've just passed the 1000 posts mark! Congratulations! You are QUITE wonderful!  :P

Ha Luise, what were you just saying about caps?  And what about the new style of writing - like the LOL, IMO, and then there's all that DS, DH, MIL, DIL --- so, I suspect the caps are, "use your judgment, moderation, etc."??

holliberri

Well JDN,

It looks like you and I both sorry that I took offense. I made assumptions due to the Forum Agreement and my experience on the internet. What I should've done was ask first. I interpreted it as rude and yelling, when in fact it was not. I will try to remember to ask next time before jumping to conclusions. I could have saved myself and the rest of the forum readers a lot of time and grief if I would've asked. I was trying to figure out what you meant, when really there was nothing to figure out: you didn't  mean anything by it.

Is it possible you could mention to your DS that you would like to hear that they received the package? Some people truly don't know when they are doing something wrong. I don't know all of the details, so you may have already done this.

luise.volta

I was pulling your leg.  ;D  And, I guess we're just stuck with abbreviations. Imperfect site...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Rejected

I have limited contact with my MIL over things she has said about me & my FOO to my DH and her complete disrespect. I rarely go to her house unless it's a holiday or other special occasion and we only stay for around 2hours. She is upset with me by my lack of communication with her but I just can't stand her anymore no do I care anymore. She is a very heavy gossiper and when she would find out that one of my grandparent's passed away she would send me a sympathy card. I would send a thank you card back and she would take that as an open invitation that everything was great between us again and try and invite us over or herself over and it just became messy. After the second sympathy card she sent, over another grandparents passing, and my thank you card back to her it sparked the same reaction from her thinking everything was fine & dandy again. I have learned not to send thank you cards back because she always misinterprets them. I was just thanking her for her condolences, not opening up the door for her. I'm in no way suggesting this may be the case with you, but this is why I've stopped sending thank you cards to my own MIL. Just a new point of view, that's all. I do agree that a phone call or something from your DS would be nice to at least let you know they got them.
"Women are Angels and when someone breaks our wings... we simply continue to fly --- on a broomstick... we are flexible."  ~Anonymous

luise.volta

You speak of your MILs complete disrespect. Could you elaborate? What brought on such drastic action? If you don't want to go into it that's OK...some of us would rather not and I understand. It's just sad and it sounds like you have given up for good reason. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Rejected

I'm working on my own post that will explain further because I would love to get some advice to maybe understand my MIL and/or how to deal with it all.
"Women are Angels and when someone breaks our wings... we simply continue to fly --- on a broomstick... we are flexible."  ~Anonymous

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

LaurieS

Quote from: Rejected on February 09, 2011, 08:27:54 PM
She is upset with me by my lack of communication with her but I just can't stand her anymore no do I care anymore.
So you do care?  It's hard to work on a relationship if it's dead in the water to you.

Pen

Rejected, I'm wondering the same thing. If you don't care, what is it you're hoping to accomplish?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

LaurieS

Hey Pen.. I thought you'd be asleep by now

Pen

I should be, but I had some work to do and now I'm all wired up. I've been working, checking WWU, working, LOL. I think I'll try reading in bed, that usually puts me right out.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Mariatobe

I agree with Anonymous and Rejected.  There is a break in your relationship that she's not willing to repair right now, nor does she want to.  You may not ever be her friend.  I don't send my MIL thank you cards.  Not because I'm deliberetly trying to be rude, but because I've pretty much divorced them.  They get me a present because they feel they HAVE to.  I've posted here before about some of the things MIL has done.  I see them when I HAVE to, but only then.  I can say anytime I've felt guilty about it and called, or wrote, or tried to let them in, its like I get kicked, and walked over.  My MIL is simply not  a nice person.  It's just something I've learned to accept after all these years.  I've also learned no communication is self preserving. 
I don't know about the nature of your past relationship with your DIL, but can guess there have been a lot of problems.  I don't want to say she's being rude.  Maybe she feels like she's divorced you and is only protecting herself?

Nana

Justdontunderstand

Happy to see you around.  I am happy you had a good time with son/dil.   Of course I dont see it normal.  You have the right to be intrigue by their silence.  I do think it was very rude of them not to answer.  Yes we sometimes have expectations which we shouldnt have and that is what happened.  Because you had a good time together, it is normal that you thought that things had changed and you put your hope up. 

Please Justdontunderstand dont be sad....you enjoyed whatever they gave to you during their visit.  For me it could be ...that they like to visit but not be visited.   I tell you because I know that my dil likes to come to our house.....she really looks fine and happy.....but I do feel she does not like to have us visiting frequently, unless it is their Birthdays....or a special occasion.    Works for me, I dont like to visit either lol.   

Time will tell what they are up to.  But yes.....Baby steps for now......
Will have you in my prayers.

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

cremebrulee

February 10, 2011, 05:21:50 AM #44 Last Edit: February 10, 2011, 05:25:54 AM by cremebrulee
Quote from: Rejected on February 09, 2011, 08:27:54 PM
I have limited contact with my MIL over things she has said about me & my FOO to my DH and her complete disrespect. I rarely go to her house unless it's a holiday or other special occasion and we only stay for around 2hours. She is upset with me by my lack of communication with her but I just can't stand her anymore no do I care anymore. She is a very heavy gossiper and when she would find out that one of my grandparent's passed away she would send me a sympathy card. I would send a thank you card back and she would take that as an open invitation that everything was great between us again and try and invite us over or herself over and it just became messy. After the second sympathy card she sent, over another grandparents passing, and my thank you card back to her it sparked the same reaction from her thinking everything was fine & dandy again. I have learned not to send thank you cards back because she always misinterprets them. I was just thanking her for her condolences, not opening up the door for her. I'm in no way suggesting this may be the case with you, but this is why I've stopped sending thank you cards to my own MIL. Just a new point of view, that's all. I do agree that a phone call or something from your DS would be nice to at least let you know they got them.

Exactly!  It's all about expectations....and unrealistic drama...I don't understand, and I'm not saying this to be rude....but it never ceases to amaze me how very unaware a lot of people are in they're expectations of others....and I've said this a million times, just b/c I think one way or you think another doesn't make you right and me wrong or visa versa....

and by the way, I think it is very nice of you to send someone a thank you card for sending a sympathy card....however, I'd feel the same way as you do...just because someone extended a courtesy, doesn't mean, that gives MIL, or anyone else, free rein to your life....

If someone is keeping distance from me, there is a reason, and why would I want or expect that person to be any different, or fight it or push not only myself on her, but also my culture...????? Not to mention my thoughts, feelings and opinions on things....

Maybe she doesn't want to achieve anything more then what is now....given time, and space, perhaps she'll change...but I cannot believe how some people feel, the moment a DIL makes a kind gesture, we mothers, think, Oh, everything is hunky dory, and I'll be the same as I was before....instead of sitting back and giving it time....and not responding other then a thank you....

And to, sometimes there isn't any reason, other then, some people are just not a good fit....why would you push yourself on someone?  Or automatically think b/c someone made contact, now your best buds....no, it doesn't work like that....people need time....