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State of the "Dis" Union

Started by justdontunderstand, February 09, 2011, 07:17:00 AM

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justdontunderstand

Quote from: Pen on February 09, 2011, 08:10:44 AM
I like to know that packages I've mailed have been received. A short note acknowledging receipt would be nice. My SM & DF couldn't take everything back with them either, so at great expense to me I mailed a big box right after the holidays. Not a word. I think it's rude, frankly.

Pen,
I think you have tapped into the very thing that bothers me. I am trying here...really trying to connect with DIL and it seems that common courtesy isn't even on the radar. Thank you for understanding.

AnonymousDIL

I am curious. Why is the blame always put on your DIL? Oh, DIL is Disrespectful, DIL is inconsiderate, or my favorite DIL Doesn't ALLOW DS to contact us.

Whether or not MIL's want to admit it. DIL's do not embittered their husbands against their mothers. If Your DS does not want to contact you, it is of his own volition.

That being said, you and your DIL don't have a "good" relationship. She may not have felt it necessary to respond to you. Or perhaps she asked her husband to do it since you are his mother. It isn't right for you to expect her to have a relationship with you that she isn't prepared to have. She is not your daughter. She is your DIL. If she feels that you are being "judgy" of her (intended or not), she isn't going to want a relationship wit you. Don't push it. You don't want to be viewed as intrusive and pushy.  ;)

justdontunderstand

Quote from: luise.volta on February 09, 2011, 09:30:46 AM
Time will tell. In this picture, I don't think what we say or do has much to do with it unless it can be used against us as justification.

Luise,

I do have a sense of urgency that life has taught me. We don't have all the time in the world to set things the right way around...if at all possible. I would like to bridge the gap if at all possible but can't quite accept that it might not be possible. Thanks for your comments.

Pooh

Quote from: AnonymousDIL on February 09, 2011, 12:45:05 PM
I am curious. Why is the blame always put on your DIL? Oh, DIL is Disrespectful, DIL is inconsiderate, or my favorite DIL Doesn't ALLOW DS to contact us.

Whether or not MIL's want to admit it. DIL's do not embittered their husbands against their mothers. If Your DS does not want to contact you, it is of his own volition.

That being said, you and your DIL don't have a "good" relationship. She may not have felt it necessary to respond to you. Or perhaps she asked her husband to do it since you are his mother. It isn't right for you to expect her to have a relationship with you that she isn't prepared to have. She is not your daughter. She is your DIL. If she feels that you are being "judgy" of her (intended or not), she isn't going to want a relationship wit you. Don't push it. You don't want to be viewed as intrusive and pushy.  ;)

Sorry AnonymousDIL, but that is not always true.  There are some DILs that do embitter their husbands against their Mothers.  As an MIL in this situation, I have always agreed my DS is also to blame and needs to step up for his FOO, but that doesn't mean that my DIL doesn't make it hard on him to do.  They are both to blame.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

OK, there it is.  Our Modified Agreement under Getting Started, asks us not to us CAPs. We all agree to that when we start posting here. We also are seem to use CAPS at one time or another, mostly for exuberance...as in "YEA!" or "GOOD FOR YOU!

However, when we feel we need to do it to make a point...we usually need to take 5, pour a cup of coffee and not post for a bit. OK?

I just changed a subject line that was ALL CAPS. No need to do that, we all feel strongly and respect that others do as well. That's what drove most of us here...wanting to be heard.




Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

LaurieS

And since where does it say that you don't need to treat family with the same respect you would for anyone else.   Today was a great example.. 3 different men held the door for me.. I managed to say thank you to each one of them.  If I can use my breath on a stranger, certainly I can muster a word of thanks for family.

justdontunderstand

Luise,
I apologize to the forum for the use of the all caps. I will not make that mistake again. It was, I assure, you unintentional and not directed at anyone. My use of the quoting feature also needs improvement...I sometimes mess that up and include things in an incorrect way. I am new to this and am trying to be a good forum citizen.


LaurieS

Quote from: justdontunderstand on February 09, 2011, 01:00:11 PM
I am new to this and am trying to be a good forum citizen.
Are there immigration laws we need to follow to be forum citizens?

luise.volta

Thanks. I am new at this, too...and I have been here for 1 1/2 years. I just tried to change a subject title that is all in caps. I know I have done it successfully before, but now I can't. (?) We are all learning. Probably, as moderator, I am on the most challenging learning curve of all.  :o
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

I guess I am guilty of using the all caps from time to time...I will try to do better. Ok, no guess to it, I have done it several times.  (Hangs head in shame).
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

Me, too...but we still need Immigration Laws for this to work. There are Websites that are full of bashing and yelling and profanity and attack (mostly in caps) that may not have started out that way or with that intent. Better safe than sorry. I for one, don't want to start over and if what I have set up doesn't work for some, it seems to work well for others. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

LaurieS

i concur, but this is going to take me a while to get use to.  don't worry i'll get it eventually :)

luise.volta

Well, you've just passed the 1000 posts mark! Congratulations! You are QUITE wonderful!  :P
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

LaurieS

I did pass the mark.. I feel like it's time to trade in my keyboard and mouse for a newer version now.